Irritated!

I'm feeling more than a little irritated with my oh today. And really, it is the usual rubbish it always is. Well he woke me up really early today, I guess wanting sex - but you know I'm not feeling quite so desperate as I did perhaps even a week ago, so just diving for the pants area is not quite enough I'm afraid - especially as I was actually really sound asleep. So I woke up irritated - good start to the day. Then of course, he gets to feel hard done by - but I told him, I'm not getting over this in a hurry you know. While I hate to be the one refusing, I still feel he's doing it to shut me up, and that's never good is it?

Then he forgot every bloody word I said to him yesterday. So we had this whole conversation - I'm going out on wednesday, then I'm off on a course next week, blah, blah. Well, this morning, it's what course, you never told me and so on. Why doesn't he listen to me? He did tell me I was boring not long ago, so I still feel bloody angry about that - but isn't it rude, just plain rude, not to listen to somebody talking to you? It's just getting too hard sometimes.

Of course I'm comparing him to some extent to my other guys now, and they actually like talking to me and remember what I said! Sometimes from weeks ago. But then, so do people I work with, it's not that bloody hard, and isn't that what relationships actually are, taking an interest? Thinking back though, I guess he's been like this for years actually, and I've buried my head in the sand to keep the peace. I've been neglected, haven't I? There's that, there's all the hours spent in the pub, and the lack of sex - but that's it, I've been neglected. Makes me feel really miserable sometimes. Now I know he's going to come home soon and fall asleep for hours as well - so even when he's here, he's not.

I've been wondering lately if he isn't ill in some way - he actually sleeps so long it just can't be right - that and the loss of libido and everything. You know, he told me he'd given up smoking, but it turns out he still is, at least two or three a day - hence the continual coughing and the lack of improvement in health that you might expect. Dear god, I feel like a bloody nurse sometimes, he's just so old and depressed all the time. And of course, that's why I feel so bad about wanting to go as well. If only things were more black and white.

On a happier note, the bm is back tomorrow. I actually feel rather anxious about this, as I'm wondering about his relationship with his ladyfriend - well, you know I found that a little hard to take anyway. What's been happening, has anything changed? Well, I guess I'll soon see - fingers crossed for me? xxxx