Honesty?

Hi there -I'm actually feeling rather optimistic today - no damn good reason actually, but there we are, I may as well savour this strange thing while it's there. Well, I made it through yesterday which was not an easy day for me, but I guess it makes you stronger, doesn't it? And got such a lovely email today from my golfer - wow - talk about a rave report. Said he'd be happy to do a three hundred mile round trip if necessary to see me, cos I'm worth it - gosh, could turn a girl's head, couldn't it?

I was just waking up this morning and the local radio was on - and guess what the subject was - infidelity!!! Well, my specialist subject these days, I thought - and listened, pretending to be asleep just in case the oh made a comment. Interesting. Turns out that my county is the top statistically for playing away - wow - 44% are at it!! Well, I always thought a lot of people were, but my god, that's beyond my wildest dreams! So I guess most people are getting away with it too - which is good. What is it, though - something in the water - or do we have more than an average number of non-sexual spouses? I wonder - wouldn't you like to know more - I know I would. Fascinating. I wonder also if the counties with only 12% or whatever are just better liars!!

So, easter is fast approaching - and I guess another weekend with the family at home - which always pans out so well at the moment, doesn't it? But, the bm is definitely up for a meeting very soon - and will be seeing the golfer in June - lovely. I wonder if I will actually get together with the sailor too - would be nice, wouldn't it? I had a bit of a rant at the dj today, who is feeling very miserable - he's such a sweet guy though, with such a lot to offer, not least a great sense of humour, which really tickles me. I told him so as well. I don't honestly know if we'd hit it off, and I rather think not, but I still like talking to him a lot - and I told him I'd met someone, so not to give up, cos if I can... Wonder how he'll feel about that. Well, the golfer was cool. It's a whole different ball game isn't it, with no rules - but I'm thinking honesty is good, and we're all adults. If they can't handle it, tough. But I honestly play it differently with the bm - I feel I'm playing for higher stakes than a shagathon with him - and I really don't think I'm fooling myself you know. His reactions this week were quite genuine I think. And it's kind of different, he's not married or even living together, so it doesn't feel so illicit if anything.

Still, maybe I am fooling myself - if I am then it will sure be a comfort to know that other men find me attractive though, won't it. Wow, haven't things changed. You know, I remember on my birthday last year I cried for about two hours - an offhand remark by the oh, and the general lack of intimacy just sent me over the edge. I just can't imagine feeling like that any more. It may be a cliche, but I feel like myself again - it's good! xxx