Today has been much calmer - and I feel strangely good for having aired all my grievances - maybe I am just totally selfish, don't know. But my oh has suddenly gone all caring and stuff which I suppose is a good thing - shame I'm not appreciating it though - it would have gone a long way a year ago, believe me. I just feel now that I should take one day at a time and let the future take care of itself to some extent. I mean, we aren't going to sell the house in five minutes are we? I don't know, maybe things might improve between us - doubt it though - and honestly, in my head, I'm gone. But at least things haven't turned unpleasant - which I feared they might. I'm talking to one close friend about what's happening - she's in such a similar place it's ridiculous - which is very nice actually - haven't told her about my other guy though. There is a limit you know!
Talked to him last night - he really is wonderful - and looking forward to 'getting together' again. Can't wait. He is always anxious to talk - and we have very amusing conversations as well. How would I feel if I didn't have him - would I have had the nerve to say what I did? Good question. My golfing guy said he was pleased I seemed to be getting the confidence to do what I want! Wow - how true is that? You know, in many ways I wish I'd set off on this path years ago - I really don't see that I'm doing any harm to anyone - especially if I'm as careful as I have been. Just think, I could have been having loads or wonderful sex for all these years it's been so meanly rationed. How depressing. Never mind, I just have some catching up to do, don't I?
I'm just slightly worried the oh may think that having sex might solve all our problems - he knows it's a big issue for me. I can't understand really why he didn't think it was strange I'd stopped complaining - well I told him last night I'd given up on it, cos I was fed up with the rejection, which is partly true I suppose. I guess it would be nice to have sex, but I'm not sure I'll ever feel the same again with him - it's just gone too far now. God, what a tangle! Maybe I should move into the spare bedroom. xxx
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