Thinking

Well no contact with my lovely men at all today. But that's okay. Been spending time with the family and the oh and amassing brownie points. And thinking. Not a good idea is it. Thinking about the morality of all this - and actually why is it so wrong to see someone else if that's what you need? Do you know, I know what I would think about anyone else doing this. I'd have to say, I'd be very judgemental - and I do have a friend who met her bloke on the internet, and I find it very hard not to be a little dismissive of it all. But surely, if you need something, why shouldn't you have it? My oh won't sleep with me, so why shouldn't I get what I need elsewhere.

I was talking to the sailor the other day about pubs and bragging. The thing that's most irritated me for the last few years is the bragging in the pub about sex and so forth. Well, it's a little bit annoying, I think you'll agree, when your oh is bragging, but you're not getting it. I walked out once, I was so annoyed. Could barely speak. I was so upset, I could hardly speak to him for days. My sailor told me he feels like a fraud, like they're not a real couple, when they go out. You know, I never thought I would feel like this - never thought it would happen to me. You know, if you have problems you sort it out. If not, you leave and look elsewhere. But it's really not that simple.

So, thinking about next week, when me and my sailor might actually meet up and do the deed!!! Will be just wonderful with him, I know it, so I'm really hoping it all comes off (!) Bit worried about myself, though, I could just fall in love with him if I'm not careful. But we'll see. Have really felt alive lately, and I'm not about to let that feeling get away because I'm afraid - life is full of scary things, but you've got to feel the fear and do it anyway - and if you get hurt, well, at least you feel alive!!! And it feels good, I can tell you. Be good, xxxxx