What a sexy man!

Feeling very naughty and sexy today - goodness me. What an interesting email I had - my sailor is feeling a bit better today, but goodness his oh is a bit odd. Apparently they were watching telly - late night telly - she'd decided to watch a programme which turned out to be all about people who were over forty and still sexually active- well, I told him you'd better have been taking notes in case they gave us any ideas! Well, apparently, he said the women were just as up for it as ever - and of course because the men were so much better at it, through years of practice, they were all having a wonderful time. And why not?

Anyway, apparently, my lovely man's oh got in a real temper about it - she said they were all lying and it was a stupid programme and went off to bed. Interesting, huh? Does she not think people have sex over 20 - maybe that's why she wants her daughter to get on with it so much? Aren't people strange.

So, anyway, he told me all this and said, well, we know that's not true don't we - couldn't you eat him up? Then he told me all these things he wants to do to me, and said how do I like it and my goodness I told him - it was just delicious. I honestly can't wait to sleep with him - and I just know it will be wonderful cos he's such a thoughtful lovely man - he really just wants someone who can be responsive I think - well, no problems there hun.

Not heard from the doctor, but he's back on saturday - will we ever really get together - I wonder. It does seem really difficult for him to get away, and I can't just fly to spain whenever I feel like it, so who knows? Still like him lots though. Am I greedy - do I care? He did tell me I should read a news story this week - poor woman got murdered by a jealous husband who was angry she had two lovers - ok but he'd had one for seven years and was planning to run away with her - I smell a double standard, don't you? Well, I know she's dead, and it's really terrible - but I was just cross with her husband thinking that he could do that, and she couldn't. I expect she'd spent the last 6 years just hoping he'd come back to her - I'm identifying a bit I suppose, cos I still would rather have sex with my husband than anyone else really. Must definitely try not to get murdered though!

The quest to become French continues and I'm going to try some bras on tomorrow I think - wonderbras are the thing for a mistress, I've decided; and quite honestly, my tits are my best feature. You know, I've been buying nice underwear for years, but it's never been noticed or commented on - but hey, I think other men like and appreciate it rather a lot. Also planning to buy a few new clothes and sort out the wardrobe - classy but with drop dead undies - that's the way to go. Poor man won't know what hit him in November. Nor will I hopefully xxxxx

A Big Row!!

No, not me - the sailor and mrs sailor. He's so down - I wish I could cheer him up. It's all about the daughter (16!!) being allowed to sleep with the boyfriend in the house. Mrs s is all for it - despite being completely anti herself - while the sailor is totally against. Really difficult for me, cos I totally agree with him - absolutely never allowed it with my kids, especially not when they were 16. But do I plough in and say I agree and run the risk of causing huge amounts of trouble, or what?? I have told him before that I agree with him, so maybe I should shut up now.

This time it got a bit nasty, and he told her it wasn't fair that he was supposed to allow this when he hadn't been allowed any in twenty years. Well, then she told him that was because he wasn't attractive enough. Beastly. Honestly, he's no George Clooney, but I wouldn't need to put a bag over his head, if you know what I mean - main thing is, he's such a lovely man, I can't bear to think of her being so horrible to him. She must be there for the money, I guess. She told him he should go and see someone - dunno why? I said, come and see me xxxx Well, there it is. So how much should I get involved in marital rows as the other woman? Can't say there's any guidelines for this sort of thing - any advice gratefully received.

Continuing my pursuit of being French, though. Waxed my legs, and did my nails and all that nonsense, and went looking at underwear - I read about one French mistress who spent 90% of her salary on underwear - wow - it is really overwhelming the choice though, so I went away with nothing. Think I shall man up though when my tax credits come through next week - black, then pink, I think - yummy - and some nice photos for my sailor from the changing rooms - hope the camera doesn't flash!! Even if I do. I'm even thinking of having an appointment with a personal shopper to sort out some nice clothes - they say it's not too dear, and some shops are better than others. I do think though, I need to take a bit more care of myself like that - want to be an ageing glamour puss, not an old trout, you know?? What's next - hair and makeup I think - will the oh notice? - don't be silly!! Tale care xxxx

Am I French?

Feeling very good today!! Sorted out a great deal of domestic/financial hassles, so feeling both relieved and happy - go me!! Also, talked to my sailor who seems to be feeling really down - he does worry me a bit sometimes. I think what I said to him once was right though - if your oh is depressed then it is extremely infectious - so maybe it's just that. He got down to the sea to spend some time on the boat - I don't really understand why we can't meet there, but he says it's too dangerous - okay then. I don't know, I'm being really patient, but if we don't meet up by Christmas maybe my patience just won't last out. I mean, I'm doing this to have some sex aren't I - I'd go and buy a bloody rabbit if all I wanted was relief. Still, we'll see, patience.

So, I was reading this book - 'Two lipsticks and a lover' - and it would seem that the attitude of French women is very, no exactly like my own. It's honestly like I've been behaving all my life like I think I should rather than what I actually want to do! So, what it is, is that French women stay married but they accept that they won't feel the same about their husbands for ever - so they have little adventures. Well, wish I'd done it a long time ago, as I've said before. Also, they are very concerned not to embarrass their husbands - well, me too. I've seen so much of that in the little town where I live, and it never ends well. I just read a bit this morning as well, that said that French women seem to really love the penis - well what can I say - I have to say, I have had many conversations with English women, who really don't; and very many who just don't like sex at all. Strange, isn't it? In an ideal world I suppose they would be married to the men who don't like sex, but it just doesn't seem to work that way, does it? Not for me anyway.

I'm going to continue reading this book and report back, though. I find the whole thing quite fascinating, and very much like the French attitude - pragmatism I suppose. But I can't tell you how much it has all restored my confidence - I feel like I've found my old self again. Whatever will I be like when I actually have some illicit sex? But I honestly think, if I'm careful and no one gets hurt - well it's nobody's business is it? I almost don't even feel it's my oh's business, you know. After all if he'd cared enough he would have married me wouldn't he. Here I am trying to be faithful all this time and we're not even married. Sad but true. Maybe I'm just an idiot. Still, deciding to be French is definitely the way forward, I think. So if I'm going to be a mistress, or mistresses, I need to start looking after myself a little better - so I think new underwear and some pampering, don't you think? I'm worth it!! xxxx

Had Sex!!

A great day, my friends, I had sex!! And not naughty illicit sex either - sex with the other half!! Better not tell my other men, had I? Well, he woke me up at 4 am and was lovely - made me remember what I liked about him, you know? Of course, it was all over too fast, but I did come hard, and went back to sleep like a log. Delicious. But, let's just see how long until it happens again. I mean, that's the first time, since I've been writing, and that's a while, isn't it? Such a shame, though, in a way, cos it reminds you how much you love it, and at the same time, I know it'll be ages till it happens again. Sob. What can I do, though, apart from find it elsewhere. Done, the discussing thing, the begging thing, crying, not speaking, you name it really. Nothing works. So here I am. But even so, was very nice and feel a lot more human today. Just wish it was every day.

Nothing from any of my lovely men today, but didn't really expect it, of course. Did get a late night filthy message from my sailor which cheered me up immensely. I don't think he realises how much I enjoy his sense of humour, so must tell him how delicious and sexy it is. He needs to be appreciated, I think. He's so good to his family - makes me a bit jealous really. I could live with him you know and be so happy. But mustn't jump the gun - who knows what the future holds.

Also, have applied to go to Spain, on one of these volunteer things. I know the doctor won't like it, cos he's convinced I'm going to sleep with them all, but never mind, what can he do. Oh is fine about it. I do wonder sometimes if he doesn't realise, deep down, that I'm looking elsewhere as it were - he just doesn't want to acknowledge it, you know? Well, it lets him off the hook, and things are much more pleasant since I haven't been doing all the above in the quest to have sex. Strange, how he is sometimes - who knows? Still, a momentous day - want it again now, though, tonight. Not going to happen dearie. Be good xxxxxxx

Quick update - just about to go and cook dinner when who should appear online but the doc? Well how lovely to talk to him - he's so smart - I've missed him, and his dry sense of humour. He's trying to talk me into going over there - I can't I've got responsibilities - then I said, well hey, maybe I could go mad like agatha christie did and just disappear for a few days. I could blame my madness on not having enough sex - well, he liked that, and offered to cure me - tempting, huh? But no, I have to be sensible, and my plan will all pay off in the end, I know. Just got to get the oh used to me going off and stuff, and I can slip away for a few days with my doc. Nice cheery chat for the end of the weekend. Glad about that, as last time we spoke it got a wee bit heavy duty - not always a good idea I think, cos i let things out I probably shouldn't. Still, there we are. Love him lots (don't tell him).
Take care, and don't get caught chickens xxxx

Bad luck!

My poor sailor - no sex, no dinner, no sailing and a sick dog - doesn't get much worse, does it? You'll remember me and him were going to meet up for an afternoon of filthy sex, but his wife decided to go - so that went out the window. Well, one sick dog means he doesn't even get to go and get pissed. You must be due some amazing run of good luck soon, I told him. But he doesn't believe me. Just looked at the clock - we would have been at it right now if the plan had worked. Imagine that - yes I know.

Still, moving on from bad luck and sick dogs, have applied to go to Spain, to do these intensive English courses for Spanish businessmen (yum) - well the plan is to do that, and then meet up with the doc for a second week and teach him something entirely different, and vice versa. So, got to get the oh used to me being away if I'm ever going to have a chance of having sex ever again.

I've also been checking out other people's blogs - golly some are filthy aren't they? Learnt a few things, I can tell you. But then, I do seem to be on a bit of a steep learning curve these days don't I regarding all things sexy! Maybe it's about time! Will keep up the research (!) and post some of the good ones on here, partly to remind me, and partly for you, so you guys can learn some things as well - once a teacher, always a teacher, lol.

Have also decided that I'm actually French - no, bear with me - you see French women go and have secret little affairs if their husbands don't cut the mustard, but they never ever confide in anyone, so they never get found out and embarrass themselves. An excellent role model if ever there was one. I did hear about a particularly messy fight and domestic type incident last week. Well, the main problem was, to my mind, that everyone knew too much about what everyone else was up to - if they'd all been a bit more discreet there wouldn't have been a problem. What do you think ? I must say, I wouldn't like to embarrass my family like that for anything, and that's partly why I don't tell anybody anything. The doc is always saying that I live dangerously, and he could be a serial killer, but I just say, come on, you're too nice. I really don't think I'm that bad a judge of character. So that's it, I'm now French - pragmatic about my needs, but discreet and secretive to a fault! Au revoir, et a demain! xxx

Dirty girl!

Well, I'm back after a short and wonderful interlude with my lovely sailor - golly, just think a short while ago, I'd never even heard of phone sex. Well, I told him, if it gets any better than this, my heart might stop. He said don't do that, want to do it again and you're no use to me dead. He's so romantic. Was just what I needed with all the financial shit I'm having to deal with at the moment (not very interesting at all, so won't go into that).

Actually saw stars this time - do that sometimes - I did ask the doctor the other day, can you actually pass out if you come too hard - he said, don't know, let's try it and see. Love him. So feeling much better and thinking about earlier and not feeling guilty - I think it's addictive. Really can't imagine not having my lovely men to talk to and have naughtiness with and all that. And maybe I could do with one or two more - might go on the site later, and have a chat - I've got one interested at the moment, and the sailor is away with his bloody wife this week, and the doctor's in Spain - dammit!! Also, have got Skype, nominally in the interest of earning money online, but actually to talk to the doctor, and of course, it's much cheaper, cos he's not in the UK (guess where he is??) So maybe he'll get in contact from Spain, and I can tell him I've been his good little girl, and not bad at all - you can tell what sort of relationship we have can't you? Rather different and refreshing. So, got to go and be all Nigella Lawson, and will see you tomorrow xxxxx

Why??

Had quite a busy day today. But in a quiet moment, I wondered to myself, actually, why don't I feel guilty about this? It is strange, isn't it? Cos perhaps I should. And I really don't. I do think I would have a few years ago, or even a couple of years ago, but I absolutely don't. Have I justified it all to such an extent that all the morals I used to think I had have gone out with the bathwater? No. I'm having the best time, and it's what i need so to hell with it.

Sailor on the phone - back soon xx

Naughty nun!

Well, a lovely if rather frustrating day. Work was good cos an old friend came back - and she's just wonderful, really. I do love working with younger people, cos I honestly and truthfully don't have that much in common with people my own age - we always seem to end up talking about the bloody menopause or mortgages - boooooring. Except my very best friend of course - we're actually exactly the same age, just a week apart, and she's honestly one of the youngest people I know in her outlook - a lot like me I think. Anyway, we had such a giggle, and while the other teachers were planning to go to a pilates class (fun huh?) we were saying we should go to a sound of music singalong thingy and dress up as nuns!! Well, I have to say, this was an early bit of naughtiness between me and the sailor, cos I told him I dressed up as a nun, and had my naughty undies on and no one ever knew - well, that really inspired him - our first bit of real naughtiness over the net actually. So I emailed him and told him all about it, and would he like a renactment after the event? Think he will.

He was texting me all afternoon telling me how much he wanted me to come on his face and suck my nipples and watch me ride him - wow was fabulous, then he had to go and relieve himself- well I couldn't I was too busy!! Lovely though, and my god we're on the same wavelength sexually. Do you know, I really used to be prejudiced against meeting men on the internet, but I have to say, I think it has a lot going for it. I'm honestly not too bothered about looks, no honestly. But you do really get to be inside someone's head like this - and my goodness I've been lucky with my men, cos they may not be lookers, but they are kind and gentle, and full of naughty, wonderful, sexy ideas for me. Maybe it's actually a better way of meeting guys, though, cos you get to know them so well, I mean looks can be deceiving, and we've all been there, haven't we? You honestly know quite quickly when someone just isn't nice on here as well - don't know why, but you do. Maybe it's just so easy to pour your heart out - I know I do sometimes - so they get to know the real you. Well, okay, I don't think I'm too bad, and neither do my lovely men. Adore them both xxxx lucky, greedy me.

Damn woman!

Well, it's definite! The sailor's wife is going with him this weekend - so that means that I'm not! Bugger! And everything else was going so well - even my period started on time, so would have been clear by the weekend - as well as the not so dangerous time to have sex considerations. Well, I'm not that old, and my granny had twins at 50!!

So, a bit ticked off about that. But never mind, he sent some lovely naughty messages about what he's been doing at 4am, thinking of me - all much appreciated by poor frustrated me, who was doing much the same thing last night. Really must buy a rabbit or something, before I get arthritis - it can't be good really, can it?

Also, got a message from the doctor, who is in Spain, but says he had some trouble with the internet and stuff. Well, no surprises there then. He went on chat to see if I was there - well, I was 20 minutes later, dammit!! Will keep my eyes open tomorrow.

Got very irritated with a work colleague today - really felt cross - my other colleague, who admittedly I don't like much, was saying how she managed in the winter by signing on, so that she got housing benefit and so forth. Well the first colleague then told her how she wouldn't sign on, it wasn't worth it, it was too much hassle for too little money, and she would never do it!! I was so cross i could hardly speak- cos she has a rich boyfriend (bit of a trustafarian) and his rich parents to support her. I just said well, not everyone has that choice, and walked out. Not really wanting to stick up for the other lady, but was just so irritating, and typical of rich spoilt people everywhere - yeuch! But I have to say, many, many teachers are like that - and also seem to really believe they are better than everyone else - I know very well, because I haven't always been a teacher, but have been on the receiving end more than once. Nice.

Anyway, the frustrations continue apace. Maybe I should go back on the site and get a couple more men more willing and able and close to home!! What do you think? Am I greedy? I was thinking today about something the sailor said to me - he said the other woman (his first short-lived affair) said that all he really wanted was a penfriend. Hmmm I thought, I wonder if all these problems are as insurmountable as he says - maybe he just doesn't want the reality?? Well, he's now thinking November - can I bear it? - so we'll see. In the meantime, a little seed of doubt is growing - even if it does come off, it's not going to be very often. Perhaps it is time to go back on the site -any more of this waiting and I'll hump anyone, even if I have to put a bag over their head, honestly.

Was talking about being unfaithful at work today - you know, general terms. Doing my usual, well I'm a happily married woman turn. Felt a lovely little frisson of naughtiness though, knowing what i have been up to, and nobody knows. I swear to god, this is doing me more good than any anti-ageing cream, or whatever. Should be available on prescription, i think. And any minute I might kill my next door neighbour who is working on his car with some sort of electric drill thing. Need some sex or I could get dangerous, I think. Take care. xxxxxxx

Miserable

Well, my lovely man is miserable - why? - because it doesn't look like he'll get to sleep with me this weekend. Dear me. His wife wants to go with him, dammit. I am wondering if she's suspicious, you know, she has started taking a lot more of an interest in him since we've been seeing each other, but could just be a coincidence and me and him being paranoid. Kind of flattering for me that he is so pissed of though, isn't it?

But I have a plan - here it is. I will have a camera soon - see where I'm going here? So, had a brilliant idea today, but probably a bit mad. Anyway, will go in shops and try on various gorgeous items of lingerie and take photos for delectation of the lovely man. A bit mad, but, hey, why not? I'm sure it's not illegal, is it??? Will drive him potty, and also ensure that he meets up with me for said naughtiness fest asap!! God, I haven't had sex in months, and honestly, just relieving yourself doesn't hit the mark, does it? I did think things might be better due to our little blue friend, but apparently it doesn't work if you leave it in the drawer. Maybe I'll pinch them and give them to my sailor, who promised to keep me up all night if he took them!! Tempting, isn't it? I'm so frustrated, it just isn't funny. I think it's cos my period's due - always a bad time for me - if I was a dog, I could go out looking for it - it's not fair. I think that's three months and counting, and even then, I think it was just a wank. Still all is not lost, the sailor thinks mrs sailor might change her mind - so could still be possible - will eat him alive if I'm still in this state. Maybe I should warn him. Damn woman, been at the booze and prozac cocktails again - obviously makes her decisive. Decide to let me screw your husband, please, cos you don't want him.

Sorry, going completely bonkers through lack of sex forever and no prospect of any in the foreseeable future. Is this why they used to lock women up 100 years ago - makes perfect sense. Hopefully better news tomorrow xxxxxxxx

Oh my goodness!!

The lovely sailor back on the line today - I was thinking how intoxicating it is for someone to actually want me - it's been a long time, and it's felt like duty fucking for a long time before that. Dear me, nothing like taking one for the team to turn you on is there? He said the oh got a bit drunk and was going on about how she'd never been unfaithful - well, phooey, I said, that's real easy when you don't like sex, isn't it? Have wished I was like that once or twice - but just can't do it, sorry, I'm just too bad.

So, he wants to do it on the phone again - excellent. And he's really fixated on the idea of me watching him doing a bit of diy - something new for him, I think - can't tell you how much of a turn on that is for me, and also just nice to know how they like it, isn't it? I'm really getting to know what buttons to press with him, and it's really lovely and naughty - he wants me on top, so he can watch - no problem, I said. He's going to be very easy to please I think, but very wonderful as well - God, I do hope this all comes off this weekend. A small worry is the possibility of a period - but can't do much about that - we'll see - doesn't feel like it'll be long as I'm getting really irritated with the oh. A sure sign!!

He also wants some photos - especially if things go wrong this week - and yes, fair's fair. So will have to bite the bullet and do something naughty for him. But guess what else I did today? I bought a mirror. It occurred to me that I'd never had a good look down below at my pussy - all this made me feel that i wanted to - will report back - marks out of ten or something. Funny, i remember reading cosmo years ago about that, and could never bring myself to. About time perhaps. But perhaps it's just about men actually wanting me - lovely, wonderful, sexy, strong men xxxxxxx Rabbit next, I think?? xxxxx But do I need it?? Yes, probably. Be good x

Feeling Lucky

I was thinking again today (dangerous biz I know). I was out with the dog and it was lovely, and the oh and everything. And we do get on well, and are good companions, you know? And I thought, hey, isn't this lovely? And I've got two lovely men as well, who I have all that exciting stuff with, and soon, lovely delicious sex. How lucky am I? Really?? I've got a pretty cool job, a quiet stable home life, a lovely family, and wonderful exciting delicious naughtiness as well. And if i was greedy I could have even more men, but I' m not.

I've got to say what a boost it is to the self esteem as well. I do feel I was in danger of becoming one of those invisible middle-aged women. But I feel like I've found myself again; I've got my character back somehow. I'm not just someone's mum or someone's wife. Strangely, all my professional success (which has only happened since I was over 40) didn't do that, but some male attentions have. And what does that say about me and society and stuff?? Not sure, but hey it does feel rather good.

So, text from the sailor this morning, who's missing me. xxxxx Says he has a shadow and sorry. I said that's okay, missing you though. Not heard from my doctor, who must be in Spain by now, but I now have a skype set coming, so will be nice and cheap to talk to him, wherever he is. What a wonderful invention - and the best is, I can use it to work online. Don't know yet how lucrative that will be, but as the thing only cost two quid, I can take that chance. Anyone know anything about online teaching?? Maybe best to just give it a go. Could be extremely wonderful if it's as good as they say on the websites. We'll see. Take care and be good xxxx

Thinking

Well no contact with my lovely men at all today. But that's okay. Been spending time with the family and the oh and amassing brownie points. And thinking. Not a good idea is it. Thinking about the morality of all this - and actually why is it so wrong to see someone else if that's what you need? Do you know, I know what I would think about anyone else doing this. I'd have to say, I'd be very judgemental - and I do have a friend who met her bloke on the internet, and I find it very hard not to be a little dismissive of it all. But surely, if you need something, why shouldn't you have it? My oh won't sleep with me, so why shouldn't I get what I need elsewhere.

I was talking to the sailor the other day about pubs and bragging. The thing that's most irritated me for the last few years is the bragging in the pub about sex and so forth. Well, it's a little bit annoying, I think you'll agree, when your oh is bragging, but you're not getting it. I walked out once, I was so annoyed. Could barely speak. I was so upset, I could hardly speak to him for days. My sailor told me he feels like a fraud, like they're not a real couple, when they go out. You know, I never thought I would feel like this - never thought it would happen to me. You know, if you have problems you sort it out. If not, you leave and look elsewhere. But it's really not that simple.

So, thinking about next week, when me and my sailor might actually meet up and do the deed!!! Will be just wonderful with him, I know it, so I'm really hoping it all comes off (!) Bit worried about myself, though, I could just fall in love with him if I'm not careful. But we'll see. Have really felt alive lately, and I'm not about to let that feeling get away because I'm afraid - life is full of scary things, but you've got to feel the fear and do it anyway - and if you get hurt, well, at least you feel alive!!! And it feels good, I can tell you. Be good, xxxxx

Good Girl!!

Been a good girl today - what, you ask? - I've spent all day with the oh! Well done me! He had a few disagreeable moments, but was mostly a lovely day. Sunny, warm, lunch out, bit of shopping - nice. Mind, did get a lovely message from my sailor at midday saying he still wants me - bless him - which cheered me up immensely. I did think he was going to bottle it last night, but all seems well. I know he does find it all very hard though, so best not to push too hard - that's what his last one did, and where is she now? Not any competition for me, my dear, mwahaha.

I know he is often busy on a Friday, but was still a bit disappointed not to get an email when I got home. But I know he's thinking about me - and as I say, I don't want to be a demanding witch - being with me is easy, as they say in the rules. I believe in the rules, by the way. It's how I was brought up to treat men, and how I taught my girls. Step away from that phone, no, you are not ringing him, now or ever!! Works, though. Truly. And is a nice easy way to live your life - no anguish. So when that guy blew me out for the hospital appointment, sorry, bye. Think I was right about that one. If he'd been that bothered, he'd have been there, not on the site all afternoon talking to other women. So the upshot is, I have two lovely attentive men who want me loads. Life is good! The rules work! On that thought, have to go and be a domestic goddess xxxxx be good!

Lovely weather!

Well what a gorgeous day, reflecting my new found inner peacefulness, perhaps? Cos I am, you know. It's just so lovely to be appreciated by some lovely men, makes life worth living. So, talked to the doctor for a long while last night - he is going to Spain - still likes tormenting me though, says he' s going to find a woman and give her a good seeing to and all that. Don't really think he will, and actually why should I care? But I feel very territorial about my men - crazy isn't it? Yes, I know they're married, blah blah, but they belong to me!! So, he says he'll call me lots, so I don't have to miss him. I said, would you tell me if you met someone? and he said no. He drives me crazy sometimes.

Talked to him for a long time about the oh last night - and how I'd been to the doctor, thinking there was something wrong with me? Got sent home with a load of leaflets about the menopause and told to lose some weight. Well, bullshit. Its taken me about a year to work out that I don't have the menopause, or anything wrong with me. What I do have is severe frustration due to lack of sex along with a side order of damaged self esteem from trying to persuade said oh to have sex with me. The doctor agrees with me (love him) and says all I need is some good old fashioned sex. Well, I agree. Bloody doctors. Useless. Also sent oh to doctor to find out why his sex drive had driven off - well it took some persuading, I can tell you, but he went. Trouble is, he came back with a load of sympathy from bonding with the doctor, something along the lines of 'bloody women' and a prescription for viagra. Well, I have to say the viagra was quite impressive, from my point of view anyway. But it only works if you take it, doesn't it? So after taking it once back in November and once in December, I think (half a tablet each time) the rest has been left to gather dust, along with my private parts (sorry, feel a bit bitter sometimes).

So, I don't know, I've done all the right things I think. We've talked discussed, I've got really upset and depressed, he's got defensive and nasty. I've just had enough of it all. It's been years now since I feel things have been 'normal' - whatever that means. Surely it means you feel like your husband wants to sleep with you, which, quite frankly, I don't. That's why I'm here, and I do feel so much happier, although I do know that my friends and family probably wouldn't see it that way. That's why it's so important that it all stays secret.

So talked to the doctor about it all for ages last night. I said I'm sorry I hate moaning like this, but he said he finds it fascinating. Guess that's why he's a doctor hmmm? Love talking to him, he's so smart - I told him so last night - he said you don't know that. But I do - he's just very sharp and intelligent, even though his wife tells him he's not. I like that he's a bit bad sometimes as well, and is quite rude to people when he shouldn/t be. Great fun.

Didn't talk too much to my sailor today. A couple of quick emails and a text - was tied up with work and oh and things. He's quite anxious about everything. I said, look there's no rush. I'll wait for as long as it takes, and I won't get bored, I don't want you to be uncomfortable with anything at all. Trouble is, this other woman rushed him into things a bit, and it didn't end well. Not going to make that mistake - anyway, she's not me. Been tormenting him with new underwear and stockings and things this week - cruel aren't I? Still I think next week may still be on - a little afternoon delight - otherwise known as a teacher training course - wonder what I'll learn? xxxx

Sunny!

Feeling sunny here today inwardly and outwardly! Well, had a good day at work - which is always nice. And heard from the doctor late last night - will be in touch later - yummy - football's on so oh will be completely occupied with luck. I think he's probably off to spain in a day or two - sob - wish I could have gone with him.

Also, been talking to the sailor - he's so fed up with his oh - she does nothing but watch telly apparently, doesn't even cook much - I don't really understand why she wanted to move somewhere so rural when she's quite obviously not really suited to that sort of life. Well, apparently they like horses, her and the daughter. But it's not an ideal thing to do, despite all the television programmes, unless you really know you can handle it. I know it looks idealistic, but it can be very hard, and you need to like your own company, I think.

Anyway, poor frustrated man, sent him some filthy texts, and he relieved himself, and felt a lot better. But now I've wound myself up something terrible, so might go and have a bath or something soon. I'm quite getting into this phone sex - it makes you feel quite powerful - but the doctor did suggest I should write dirty books as I was good at it. He's so sweet - but maybe he has a point. Sex always sells doesn't it, so thinking about having a go - I've got to say I found it really hard at first, I guess it's something to do with my upbringing and stuff. But having found an appreciative audience, there's no stopping me. And what is better than knowing you've made someone come? Not much, in my book. Maybe I should preserve some of this stuff for posterity. See you later xxx

A Very Average Day

Well, a bit of a boring day really. Went to work, came home, nothing from the doctor still, and no messages from the sailor. When I got back this afternoon, turns out he'd emailed me, but sounds like he's having a bit of a long drawn out row with the oh. Their daughter's only sixteen and she seems to think it's fine to have boyfriend after boyfriend staying over at the house, and has done since she was fifteen.

Well, honestly I think it's all a bit rich from someone who won't have sex herself. Rather perverse, even. I'm finding it really difficult not to get involved in this, because I so agree with my sailor when he says he won't have it. Apparently it was said that he was only jealous cos he wasn't getting any, which quite frankly is beastly isn't it? Well, you can see why I'm having trouble here, I think, especially as my background has involved a lot of work with vulnerable teenagers - so I think as adults we're here to protect them.

So, he's feeling bad, and I'm worried about him. But at the same time, not wanting to cause trouble. Tricky.

Missing the doctor though. I wonder if he's gone to Spain. Should have gone with him - imagine a whole week of naughty stuff. I said to him that if we went to the city together, we could spend the whole weekend naked. Well he was quite taken aback, I think he thought he'd have to spend money on me or something. I said no, just feed me now and then and I'll be fine. Sounds wonderful, doesn't it? And not something I've ever done before - really I did spend too much time being rebellious and naughty when I was young, and just not enough time having sex. Something I certainly plan to remedy. See you tomorrow xxxxx

Back to work

Well, back to work we go, after a lovelerly and eventful week off, when I discovered (contrary to my previous belief) that nobody would ever want to have sex with me ever again. How wonderful. Work was fine and went in a bit of a blur (just the way I like it) and I do feel I'm a little less in favour, so might be the right time to make a move - nice that I applied for a new job last week then - with salary doubling potential, as well as multiple nooky opportunities (you didn't think I'd overlook that, did you?)

Turned out I was right - the sailor was really worried and thought I didn't like him etc. etc. Well, he finally read my email after being depressed all weekend and was well back in the game by lunchtime. Well, the naughty person got a hard on at sainsbury's and was just wondering how he could ask me to feel it on friday - thought he looked a bit distracted. Shows great potential I feel, as oh only gets a hard on these days with a lot more encouragement (and hard work) than that - golly I was pleased as you can imagine.

Anyway, we talked for quite a while on email tonight - he's a bit worried that every 6 - 8 weeks or so won't be enough for me - more than I'm getting now, dear. And I was worried he might be upset if he couldn't see me, like with that other woman - well turns out she was the one making the demands, and he was just so pleased to be having sex, he went out of his way for her. So I reassured him that no way was I a demanding harpy like that, I just wanted him for fun and stuff and hoped he felt the same. He hasn't replied yet, but he did say earlier that he liked that we were so similar - I don't want someone to whisk me away to another life, and he wants to keep his family intact. So, sounds just about perfect to me, and I said that - well it might not seem so to the outside world, but hey it's none of their business. I want this guy, and I want him to be my little secret for a very long time, thank you. He's just perfect and yummy and yes, I did tell him so - which he deserved after suffering all weekend - and anyone who gets a hard on is sainsbury's has got to be my kind of guy.

The plan is to meet up for a long afternoon of sin and sex on saturday week - but dammit it looks like mrs sailor might want to come as they've been getting 'back on track' (her words) lately. Apart from the lack of sex for the last 17 years of course. My doing of course, cos I've been driving her husband crazy for the last six weeks. Hope this comes off - I'm really looking forward to it - and I shall be pissed off if she messes it up. I have to comment also on the complete lack of interest in my whereabouts shown by the oh. Still no questions. Anyone would think he didn't care, wouldn't they? So I don't think making my escape will be difficult at all, do you? Might have to avoid any intimate contact for a while though - but that's unlikely to be a problem I think. It's mad, isn't it? We had a lovely weekend together, but he's just not interested at all. Ever. I think he's relieved I've given up on it as well - doesn't seem to occur to him I'm up to anything - why not??? Am I that much of a doormat - well, as they say, that's about to change. See you tomorrow xxx

Calmness

Well, had a lovely calm couple of days, which actually has made a very nice change. Spent some time with the oh, and was quite nice - no offers of anything physical of course, but as I said, pressure's off there, and I do think he's quite happy about it. Actually did get a bit irritated with him, as I'd told him I was on a course on Friday when I went to meet the sailor. Well, he was not a bit interested in the course or what I'd done (just as well you say) and then went on to call it my 'gay thing' I did on Friday - well, it's a tiny bit annoying he takes so little interest in what I'm doing - but then it does work in my favour, doesn't it?

Another daft thing I've done is to run out of credit on my phone. Had two texts back from the sailor and couldn't reply - so he probably thinks I've gone off him now we've met, and is doing his pieces, when actually I feel quite the opposite. I've emailed, but I know he can't always pick them up at the weekend. But then, they always say it's good to keep men on their toes, so probably won't hurt him, will it?

Nothing from the lovely doctor, but then he does have a busy life. I think it would be really hard if I had just him, as he is rather random at times. But as it is I can be quite peaceful and calm about it when I haven't heard from him for a few days, as I have my sailor. x xxxxx

He wants to spend the afternoon in a hotel week after next. God, I can't wait - I know it's going to be absolutely wonderful. Just imagine, sleeping with someone who doesn't cough their guts up immediately after coming!! And he does seem really attentive and kind. Golly. Do you know, I had quite a physical reaction when he held my hand. Well, maybe it's just that no one has done it for a long time, but I think it was more about the intentions behind it, you know? Could definitely get used to being treated like this, I think, yummy yum yum.

So, going to top up the phone, and hopefully have a lovely naughty lot of texts tomorrow when he'll get my message for sure. Seriously, I'm so glad I embarked on this little adventure, as I really feel like I'm alive again, and not like an old lady or something, with no reason to get up in the morning. Even with all the financial crap I'm dealing with at the moment, life still feels great. Have actually written to the website to say thanks, but I really feel grateful. Should be available on prescription - why didn't they when I talked to the doctor??? Bloody useless they were/are/continue to be.
See you tomorrow xxx

Big Day Out

Well, my dears, I did it - and an awful lot of courage it took too I can tell you! I met up with my sailor - and it was wonderful! I have actually never NEVER been so scared in my life - but my goodness the adrenalin does you good, doesn't it. Well, he looks fairly ordinary actually, but he's just lovely, and we got along so easily - I sat there talking about, you know, stuff - and I was thinking, yes I could fuck your brains out, no problem. It was actually very sweet - we talked about our lives and families and held hands and had a bit of a kiss, and then another - god, it was fantastic. I really wanted to grab him and stuff, but it was nice as it was - and it was in a cafe!

And he said he wants to see me again - let's see what he says on the email, hmm? I'm pretty sure he meant it though - what a boost for the poor shrivelled ego. And, also, although it really doesn't matter that much in the scheme of things, I'm fairly sure he's loaded. Is that a good or bad thing? Must be good - so long as I'm not cast as gold-digger. Which I honestly am not. Really. Now I can hear you not believing me, but I've never been motivated by money - wouldn't be a bloody teacher if I was, now would I? Would have married someone like the sailor and then made his life a misery (oh, someone got there first lol). Anyway, there was a fairly classy car, and my god one hell of a watch, although no flash clothes and stuff, and I thought, hmmm I smell serious money here. Also, i have to say, he did smell lovely, and no bad breath or anything. He's quite a big guy, but that's okay - cuddly - and remember the photo!!! No complaints.


So no email yet, but I know it's difficult in the evening for him. Expect there might be something later on - oh just got a text - still want you!! Lovely. He's so what I need. And also, my dears, I can't quite believe I got away with quite so many lies in one day - didn't know I had it in me!! But, it's rather good the oh doesn't want to hear about work (cos it's sooooo boring, remember?) cos I don't have to make up any more crap about where I've been - just oh you won't be interested, it's work! Makes life easier for me - god are we just going to spend the rest of our lives talking about TV and food? You see, I need my other men, and not just for sex; I need someone who speaks to me - they don't think I'm boring. Anyway, got to go; will fill you in on the feedback from himself tomorrow - but I think it will be good. I'm just a bit worried that might spook him a bit, cos he fell for some woman in Bristol, and was really hard for him. We'll see how the mop flops, won't we? xxxxxxx

Funeral

Well, went to a funeral today - which is always hard -but this was a really close friend who I'd known for years and years. Our families had spent Christmas together for several years, so almost family really. Well, these sorts of things always get you thinking, don't they? He'd known he was dying so had written some stuff to be read at the funeral. He said he genuinely had no regrets and had lived life to the full. Well, it really got me thinking about things - do I live life to the full - well, maybe not. Do I have regrets - perhaps. Thought also about John Betjeman, who despite having loads of sex on the side, said his one regret was, he didn't have more sex. So, guys, maybe it's time I did something about this - what do you think. I mean, I don't think an average of four times a year (I think) is enough for anyone, do you?

So, to the news. Well, lovely conversation with the doctor last night - for someone who isn't jealous, he's mighty possessive, I have to say. But it's nice, really. And the bugger's been back on the site again - trying to make me jealous, I think. Which I am of course - no little minx had better nick him. But of course, he doesn't know about the sailor at all - I don't think he'd be happy. We do have a lot of fun, though, cos he's really clever and teases me terribly - he really is wonderful xxxxxxx So it was a bit of a shame he was called out last night, so our activities came to a premature ending. He still won't send me a photo - but I sent him a couple of me - but I don't think I care at all, so long as he doesn't smell or something. He's just lovely. Could fall for this guy big time, just don't tell him, cos it freaks him out completely - and I do understand that, really. He'll learn to trust me in time, you'll see.

Anyway, big news today, is that I'm actually meeting up with the sailor !!!! Tomorrow - fabulous. Well, I'll be so disappointed if this doesn't work out, especially after seeing his magnificent cock, god I wish I'd kept that, but I did promise. Well, we've decided, no pressure, just coffee and perhaps a cuddle, and if we really can't cope, then no problem. Don't know how I feel about this - but so anxious not to be rejected I suppose - well I get that at home all the time. Is quite a long journey for me, but never mind. And there's a possible overnighter, or at least long afternoon coming up if we do get on (please god) - but one thing at a time. I do know that he finds the guilt thing difficult - he's so nice - maybe things will be better when we meet - or worse - but at least I'll know. Will miss the cyber sex though - was fabulous - but the doctor is veeeerrrrry good at that also. And I've only got to say I'm home alone, and he's there - wonderful - not good for his phone bills though. Really must get skype - will be a lot cheaper. So wish me luck tomorrow - very exciting - who knows where we'll end up?? I know he fancies having sex in the disabled loos in a supermarket - to which I said - hey why not? But you know, there's always places like when we were teenagers, and supposedly not allowed to have sex - where there's a will there's a way. Funny thing is (well I think it's funny) that he says his daughter is allowed to have sex in the house. But he never does - not for 18 long years. So he's got to look around for somewhere outside to do it with me - funny old world isn't it?? Not sure I would have liked to do it with my parents listening next door - then or now!! However, I'm quite sure they don't think I do it anymore - well I don't much, that's true. But that's maybe about to change - watch this space!

Week off

Well my dears, good and not so good so far this week. Very good was sunday. Dammit, the sailor managed to get away - wish I'd just gone now, and sod the consequences. So there he was all alone on his boat drinking a cup a soup, and texting me. Well, then he said, I think I'll have to go below and relieve myself. Yummy I thought, especially having seen the photo (remember that? well I surely do). So I texted back, I want to watch you. Well, perfectly reasonable I thought. But obviously drove him mad, cos all hell broke loose, and we ended up having (can you have?) text sex, and was quite amazing. Kept dropping the phone, so quite difficult from that point of view, but was wonderfully erotic, especially when he told me more about what he'd done afterwards. Just lovely, and satisying as hell.

So talking also to the doctor, who wants to take me away for a weekend. Sadly, I don't think it's going to happen this time. But maybe that's for the best - he wants me to go there, and I said I can't make it there, but I could make it to S................. Let's see just how much he wants me, then, hmmm? He is just such a lovely man, and has quite a sophisticated understanding of what turns women on. He's actually quite dominant and likes telling me what to do - fantastic - but he's not weird or anything, and I do feel safe with him. He says he can find my g-spot. I keep telling him i don't think I've got one, but he is quite confident he can drive me potty. How great does that sound?? I also genuinely like him, and we talk about all sorts of things, and he makes me laugh so much - which really surprises him, mostly cos his wife's done a bit of a number on him and told him he's boring and so forth. But he's so not - he's lovely and outspoken and opiniionated, which I love. Sometimes, though, he does say exactly what he thinks, which can take you aback a little, but that's okay, I'm a big girl.

So another thing that stuck in my mind this week was walking past a sex shop with the oh and daughter. You can imagine, oh let's go buy a rabbit ha ha. While inside I wanted to scream yes, go and buy me everything that works with a fucking battery, cos Jesus I need them so badly, cos nobody's screwed me properly in years and years. Of course in reality I said nothing, but God it was hard. I do think life would be easier if I was just amoral, cos I could just go out and get what I need, instead of agonising about it all the time. Well, I've had enough, it's time I got some too as that's what all the world seems to be doing.

Planning to meet up with the sailor - nominally for a coffee and a chat - but am hoping we might have some chemistry, cos we do online, that's for sure! So anything could happen. Please, God, I need this, I've been good for a very long time, would it be so hard?

Here's hoping!!

Photos

Well my dears, I've been a bit busy for a few days, and I'm going to tell you why. Firstly, I did think that about now I might actually be having some hot monkey sex - but sadly it was not to be. So the sailor called on thursday and thought he could get away today - great I said, I'll be there. Well, his excuse involved sailing stuff, which meant it had to be nice for said excuse to work, dammit, and of course, it was vile. And apparently his mate, who wanted a lift to the big city also cancelled. So buggered again (I wish). Anyway, he was feeling pretty fed up and frustrated at this point, so, having dithered about for days, he sent me a photo. Well, my dears, what a photo! Of course, you know what it was, don't you?

I have to say, I was a bit dubious about all this, it just seems so dodgy and tasteless. But of course, I couldn't resist. My daughter said her boyfriend sent her something similar, and she couldn't see the point - but then she'd already seen it, hadn't she? So dear reader, I looked. And please god it's not a trick of perspective or something, because it was just magnificent. Pretty much as described - pretty long, but not ridiculous. Nice big juicy head yum. No horrible veins or weird colours, and pretty much just mouthwateringly delicious. Well I can't tell you the effect this has had on me - very bad! Had to go and sort myself out fairly rapidly, but my god, I can't get the image of that lovely perfect prick out of my head. Had to delete it, cos I promised, but honestly that didn't help, it's branded on my retinas, I swear.

He did say the other day, that they had said on the radio that this was the modern form of foreplay, and I thought, well, bullshit. But I have to say, I think I'm converted. Do you think if I sent a shot of my tits it would have a similar effect on him? Will definitely try that - must have some revenge here, cos he's driving me mad.

Need to go calm down a bit I think. Oh is home, that should do it, lol.

Also, talked a lovely long time to the doctor the other night. He wants me to go to Spain with him, but I really don't think I can pull that one off. Will have to build some momentum first - so I'm thinking of doing some work in Spain for the odd week during the winter, then it won't seem so unusual. Also, the flights are much dearer than I expected, so not really able to shell out at the moment. And certainly couldn't allow the doctor to pay - absolutely not - going into a different job description there, I think. Anyway, he is so lovely and affectionate, I really do like him so much. His wife is a real cold fish by the sound of it, and he hasn't had sex for about fifteen years, apart from a couple of adventures on holiday. He calls me his mistress, which is lovely, and makes me feel wonderful. He told me once he wasn't jealous at all, but everything he says contradicts this. He's always checking to see if I've been on the site - ha, he can't see now. And, he wants to know if I'm talking to other guys. Well, I am, but only one. I'm not greedy. And honestly I won't see him very often, you know, and the sailor is much nearer, and my god that picture, want some of that.

Anyway, the doctor is really cute and lovely and calls me his girl sometimes, which is nice, so he's very possessive, which is mad. He always asks if I've been good, and says he doesn't trust me. I told him I might go to Spain, and he didn't like it. It's working with Spanish businessmen, and he said I know what you'll be up to!! Me?? As if.. Well, I guess I might, but probably not in a professional type of thing, you know? The world is small and reputations easily damaged, I think.

So, feeling a lucky girl with my two lovely men at the moment. Just waiting for some reality now. And hope it lives up to all the talk. God, just need some wild sex in my life. And some hot men of course.

Lovely day

Well I've had such a lovely naughty day - want to hear about it? Ok, so I spoke to the sailor last night and he wanted to text me - fine - well I didn't really expect to be sitting on the bus reading the wonderfully naughty texts that I got. Was rather strange cos it's so quiet on the bus in the morning, and wanting to giggle and squirm about and worse was rather uncomfortable in a nice kind of way. Anyway, started off with me wearing no knickers under a long skirt, so that he could go down and lick me in a shop doorway - then was me touching him and then long hot showers and shaving each other - wow and all before nine o'clock. So when I got to work I was a bit hot and bothered - I must say though, he seems to have thought long and hard (!) about what he wants to do with me, so had a job to keep up really on the smut department. He told me later, he'd gone off for a spot of self abuse at nine o'clock, while I was trying to work - not fair!!

So - finished at lunchtime, and immediately there was a text waiting. Well I can't tell you how distracting it is to be in tescos and texting about how you love giving blow jobs at the same time - I forgot my raisins - there! Carried on all afternoon on the journey home, until one last REALLY filthy one which arrived while I was making tea in the kitchen and talking to the other half. I snuck off to the bathroom and texted back that yes i was perfectly capable of multiple orgasms and expected him to make sure I got them - and to stop immediately! He did stop texting, but a lovely long email was waiting when I got to the computer. What a lovely man - he does worry that he's gone too far quite often, which I think is more about his wife and her dislike of sex and everything. So I keep telling him it's fine - which it is - you'll have to do better than that to shock me!! God if the reality is half as good it could be wonderful. He's plotting to spend a night away soon - I'm going if I have to run away - swear to God. We often talk about how well we get on and what a strange thing is it, meeting like this - but honestly, why shouldn't it work as well as any other way? And there is the infidelity factor, I mean you don't really want to do this with your oh's best mate, do you - way too close to home - so it makes a lot of sense if people can't put you together - anonymity is so much safer, I'm sure you'll agree.

And on a more philosophical note, I think my own relationship is better these days. You may well find that hard to believe. However, I'll tell you why. The past 3 or 4 years, me and the oh have had a major bone of contention - lack of sex. Now it may seem unimportant, and maybe in the scheme of things it is. But let me tell you, it is very hard to be my age, feeling a little less attractive than in former years, I guess; and also to be rejected on a regular basis. Well, you know, he can tell me all he likes that 'it's not you, it's me' and so forth, but I felt (and honestly still do, in my heart) that he just doesn't want me enough - so it's my fault. Well, we've had guilt trips, tears, serious talks, trips to the doctor, even viagra, and honestly, nothing has changed. Except now I have my other men, I've stopped making an issue of it - so things have actually been much better. We still get on, you know, and I don't really see myself leaving him, but my god it was hard: I thought one day, is this it? it's all over, no more sex, ever!! Slightly depressing thought, you know. God I miss it - and somehow it's even worse when you've got a warm man sleeping next to you who just isn't interested. Still, feeling very hopeful about things with the sailor - can't wait.
Take care xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A bad day made better

Well chaps, had a very grim day business wise today, which I'm sure you don't want to hear about! However, things looking up as had a lovely chat with the doctor last night - he says I'm sweet and lovely - what a lovely man - and he can only really talk to me. We do talk for a long time about all sorts of things - I definitely talk more to him than the oh! It's the bedside manner, cos we fell into it right away when we started talking - and God his voice - loooooovvvvee itt!! Anyway, he says he was a bit off the other night, but not my fault at all. He's got similar money worries to me - I said did he come on the site because of that- and he said stop trying to analyse me!! Anyway, was lovely and am feeling much better now.

He did say he's going to spain and could I come - but I just can't see how I can pull that off - any ideas gratefully received. He's not going to southampton now, so that won't happen - but I do think he's more anxious than me about meeting - and I'm pretty anxious, so maybe we'll just go on like this. Could be worse, I suppose. Football tomorrow, so might have a long lovely chat, and some more phone sex - yummy.

Also, more from the sailor - he's so nice. Weird thing happened - he got a wrong number - strange - is that *****? Yes he said - oh is that you in the car behind? - well he wasn't in a car - stranger and stranger - and odd they got his name right. Anyway, his oh is now extremely suspicious and paranoid - she was before, but now it's all gone mad - and we haven't even met yet. I can't help thinking this is going to be trickier than I thought - is it going to be worth it? Well, will have to have a look at the photo he keeps promising to send - hmmmm - I'm not sure about this photo thing at all. Radio Four says it's the modern foreplay but it seems a bit dodgy to me - still am seriously wanting to have a look - bad girl!! He's promised to text some more as well - good, I need cheering up at the moment - certainly not getting laid!

So guys, i have suspended for the moment my intention to go back on the site in search of new men. Partly because I promised the doctor I'd be good - yes he had been checking up on me - must be driving him crazy that I've hidden my profile!! But I can't promise I won't answer anyone who gets through to me - well would be rude not to!!

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