Flux?

Strange this time of year - it's neither one thing nor the other - just waiting now for new year. And my favourite men are not about to talk to - although it's probably good to give some attention to the one at home isn't it? It's odd to wonder where we'll all be this time next year - will I still be here, will things still be the same?? Do I need something to push me out of this, or would I be better staying and making the best?? Who knows.

I've been out walking quite a bit the last few days which has been nice - really would like to lose a few pounds this year, especially with the important birthday looming. And it has been lovely to recharge the batteries a bit, and catch up with old friends.

Got a lot of plans for the new year, and I've even listed them! Last year was unusual for me though, cos I am usually moving forward all the time, but last year felt like nothing changed at all. I suppose I did meet my lovely men though, and that took a lot of time and effort, but was very worthwhile I think. Missed the doc last night - I think he must have been on call, cos he sent a message, but when I replied he was gone - dammit.

Anyway, not much to say today, except have a lovely new year, and who knows what it may bring - hopefully good things for us all. Off to read my favourite blogger, dirtyboy, wow he hits the mark. Take care all xxxx

A new leaf?

Turning one over, is what I mean. It's nearly the new year and I'm feeling really optimistic about lots of things. So I've been making plans and lists and really enjoying myself doing so. I do think last year was a much better year in some ways because I did, and I plan on doing even more this year. Main plans are to finally sort out my financial situation. Made some inroads today as I have sold some stuff online - just got to remember to post them tomorrow! Also need to make some quite serious money, so I'm going to finish my novel - who knows - people buy books, why not mine? And anyway, I do love writing! Also going to pursue the private lessons avenue - I know people want lessons, and I know I'd be good at it, it's just how to go about it. Okay, the plan's in place, just got to go for it now.

Actually read something interesting about how money buys you freedom - you know, I couldn't agree more! I've felt in a trap for a long time now - yes partly it's my own doing. But I need some more freedom in my life - at the moment I'm trapped in a house with a man who won't have sex with me, dammit! You know, that needs to change, and it will. And for god's sake, I've tried every avenue with the oh, so to hell with it - I'm absolutely not going to feel bad. I need it, I'm only human.

Message from the sailor this morning - love him - and I'm wondering if the doc will be about later. Gutted I missed him.

So roll on the new year, cos I'm feeling good about so many things. Also have a landmark birthday this year and I refuse to feel my age - no, it's just a number and I feel better than I have for years. Take care, and back to my plans xxxxx

Thoughtful?

Well, Christmas is done, New Year is coming and goodness me, so many people I've spoken to have had a really horrible time. Isn't it stupid actually, spending all that money and then having a rotten time. Of course a lot is to do with spending it with horrible family members - but for most of the people I've spoken to, this is not the first time. So I don't really understand why they would keep on doing the same thing every year??

We had a smashing time despite the complete lack of significant funding - but then I do think you have to know how to kick back and have a good time even when things are at their darkest! So the good thing is I didn't overspend - the bad thing was, I didn't have it to spend anyway.

Feeling quite thoughtful now about the new year and what it might bring. Some planning needed I think, cos despite what everyone seems to think, I am bloody well not going to work all year without a break. No. I need some fun in my life. Also need to sort out my bloody finances somehow - I do feel the whole thing is draining my life spirit away, so must get on top of it all.

Maybe I'll make a list of things to do this year, which will include having sex and being very naughty with lovely men. Yes, I think so. I was talking to one of my best friends last night about internet dating. Her friend, whose marriage has split up, has been online trying to meet someone and has had no luck at all - well how about that? Maybe she's just looking in the wrong places. Mind you, I know that she was in the local wife swapping group - so I don't think she's half so prudish as she makes out - probably why her marriage ended if the truth be known.

Well, obviously I didn't relate my success stories, but I do think I've been quite lucky - I now have three men I talk to regularly, and who, quite honestly I would sleep with tomorrow - it's just the logistics that are difficult at the moment. Next year will be different. I know it.

And despite it being christmas, I heard from the lovely doc last night. Sadly, I wasn't here. I'm not sure if he was a bit drunk, cos his spelling was worse than usual - have I mentioned he is dyslexic? So maybe it's just as well I missed him. But I'm glad he was in touch after his feeling so guilty last week - we're in it for the long haul me and him - and also the sailor I think.

Anyway, think I'll go and write some lists - always a good start. When I stop feeling quite so hungover I think I'll feel quite optimistic about the new year - god it's been a hard year, and in some ways I'll be glad to see the back of it - but nevertheless, there's always good things, and that's sure been true for me. xxxx

Xmas Eve

One of my favourite days - all the rubbish is finished - just relaxing, fun, eating and family. Does make me feel a little 'what the hell am I doing' - but honestly only for a moment. Still getting texts from the sailor who is feeling very reflective (and randy, poor thing) and tell me how happy he is we found each other - well, me too.

He's away with the family or something - he never does talk much about where or how - but it does make you feel a little like everyone else has perfect lives, doesn't it, this time of year, and I think he's feeling that today. Hope he has a nice time.

Anyway, everyone descending on me in the next few hours, including extremely computer literate children, so I'll be steering clear of incriminating places on the web - including here. So, here' s hoping everyone has a lovely christmas - not too many rows and things - and am looking forward to next year and all my plans will start to work out. Take care everyone xxx

Almost a mistress??

It's funny, isn't it? This time of year - I'm already getting shoved aside in favour of the family - lucky I have my own isn't it, cos I can imagine just how miserable it must be being a mistress in the festive season. However, I'm still not getting any of the benefits of the situation, and that has to change soon! I do remember a possible night away in January was mentioned by the sailor - so that sounds hopeful doesn't it? If not I'm damned well going to Spain and getting laid, so there!

I think the doc is avoiding me - well, yes maybe he's busy - but I log on and he disappears - ho hum. Must still be the guilt! It's not right is it - I mean, he said he hadn't had sex in fifteen years, and hell, you're a long time dead aren't you? That's what I think anyway.

Christmas is nearly here though and is unstoppable - the momentum just gets mad doesn't it? Still have things to do, but I'm pretty on top of it - and more to the point, I think I may not be penniless in the new year, which will be nice. God, this poverty has to change. xxx

Chasing my tail!

Well, I've finally realised it's nearly christmas and I actually do have to get my head out of the sand! You know, I really don't like all the panic and consumerism and everything, but then, when it actually starts and the family's here and everything, it is really nice. So I guess I'll just bite the bullet and get on with it. This is me having a break haha.

I don't know if I've mentioned this, but I do have another man (!) I'm not sure what to call him, so I'll call him scouse, cos he comes from there and supports Everton. He's so nice, and we've had a couple of real heart to heart chats; which we did last night. His wife walked out on him and left him with the kids - and there's seven of them! I'm so impressed by how he copes with all this - and he is just lovely to talk to - even though we argue about football! He knows my situation too, and tells me life's too short - he's right, you know. So now I have three favourite men I think, and a few that I just have mucky little chats with.

Actually, I'm getting a bit fed up with a couple of those - you know, they just fuck off when they're done and don't talk to you again - nice. I guess it's the cyber-sex equivalent of rolling over and snoring! So maybe I'll spend less time doing that, and more time writing. Need to make money, and really I am very good at mucky talk, so why not. Things will definitely be better next year, and I absolutely plan on having some sex - and maybe I'll go and watch Everton too?? xxx

Guilty?

Well, just talked to the doc again - first time after last week's wonderfulness. He told me he'd felt guilty all week - and I just felt angry - how could he spoil this for me? But then I guess he can't help how he feels. This seems to be a recurring theme actually, doesn't it? Except by me I have to say. Interesting. You know, I think I thought so long and hard (!) about actually doing this that by the time I got to it, I just didn't feel guilt at all - I'd thought it through and that was that.

And I have to say, I still prefer my two lovely men from IE to the guys I meet on Imvu, which is just not the same thing at all. I do think there's some weird games being played on there, so I just play them right back and take it for what it is. OK. But my men - no, that's real - definitely. We have relationships now, and that's it for me. Sure, I wouldn't tell them about each other, but guilt doesn't come into it - I'm just so happy to have them in my life.

Had a couple of conversations lately about the weirdness of meeting people this way - strange, huh? But, no, I don't think anyone's on to me, so not to worry. There is still a lot of prejudice against it - and actually, is it any better to meet someone when you're drunk - which, honestly, is what most of us do - or I guess when you're working. I don't think so, and I do know many many people now who it's been successful for. Not about to disclose my findings though, haha! Anyway, should hear from the sailor tomorrow - and, hey, no work!!! See you xxx

Holiday!!

Well, I've actually finished work for Christmas - what a relief - I don't think it would be so tiring if I had known from the start I'd be working right through - but all the stopping and starting was a complete pain. So, two weeks off. Will be having a good old think about many many things in my life during that time. Had a bit of a heads up about a possible job today - won't get my hopes up too much, but my goodness it's much better paid than what I'm doing. Trouble is, I can see myself getting tied into this whole - got to stay for my pension thing. No, perhaps not for me. Would much rather work abroad or something I think.

Sailor is working hard at the moment - as he works outside a lot, he's a bit pissed off - cos it's really excessively cold at the moment. And also not really in the mood for naughtiness. Well, he was a bit today - let's hope we can change that in the new year, hmmmm? Still waiting to hear from the doc - maybe he's feeling guilty again - I do hope not - where's the harm??

You know, I really do feel like I need to sort out my financial situation somehow this year - not having any money certainly curtails your freedom you know - and now the kids are off my hands, I sure do want to be free! Talking to my mate today, who has set up a business selling on ebay - maybe my own business is the way to go ultimately. I know I had a conversation with another mate and we were discussing how hard it would be to set up on our own - not too hard we thought. And then there's working for myself. Some things to think on, isn't there? Not sure about a partnership though - can so often be a recipe for disaster.

But the point is, there's so many things I want to do, and places I want to see, and I need money and freedom to do that. And I'm not getting any younger - so want to stop working one day - maybe soon! So maybe that's actually the most important thing to think about these holidays. Leave the naughty thoughts alone for a while and actually get yourself sorted!! Food for thought, isn't it??

Lovely!

Haven't quite got over the weekend yet - so I took a couple of days before I thought I could write about it. Well, everyone went out (football!) so I was home alone - and on the phone to the doc. Well my god, what can I say - I'm not sure this isn't better than real sex - just fantastic - couldn't even stand up for about twenty minutes. Wow. He's got the most naughty voice - omg - and even though he said he didn't like to talk, well, my goodness he made a good effort for a beginner. I've been thinking about it and feeling all peculiar ever since.

He did say, do you think you prefer this to the real thing - but I said hell no, I still want to get together - absolutely. So we've promised each other that we definitely will soon in the new year. Will be just fabulous I know it. He's still my absolute favourite. Got a message today on the site, but I don't really know if I can be bothered - it always seem to be such a lot of anxiety and effort for a while, and then they just go off the radar. Well, that's happened a few times. But then, not my two favourites, who are mine all mine. Maybe I shouldn't be so greedy hmmmm?

Also heard from the sailor, but we seem to be missing each other a lot the last couple of weeks. Still, as I said before, I'm absolutely not giving up on him - he is just so sweet and yummy. No way. Not even if we have a long wait. He hasn't said any more about what I said about the other woman, and how I thought she was talking rubbish and had her own agenda - but I do think it was appreciated and made him think a lot. Cos I don't really have an agenda, and no real interest in manipulating my men particularly - like I think she did - cos I think I'd go right off them anyway if I did! I think he now knows I'm here for the long haul and not for what I can get out of it - and if not I'm off sort of thing. Just really like his company you know - and if we do get together, so much the better - but I am sort of annoyed with the other woman for a) actually having had him overnight and b) having made his oh so suspicious that it's almost impossible for him to get away.

You know, I do wonder if she did something - you know, a letter or something. Maybe that would explain all the problems he has. Might ask him what he thinks tomorrow. In the meantime, looking out for the doc. See you xxxx

Work, work, work!

Had a very busy week due in part to the sickliness of health freak aforementioned colleague (haha) and her dicky back. Apparently as the faith healing, acupuncture, and assorted other crap didn't work, she's now having cortisone injections (!!!!) Bit much really isn't it? But, you know, looking back at last year, she did exactly the same thing at this time of year, and I stepped in again - my friends at work are saying, hey, just keep the reliable one hmmm? And interestingly, I think my boss is losing patience also. Ho hum.

It's also extremely cold here, which makes me just want to crawl into a hole, and keep warm until spring. Don't particularly want to be going to work in the dark thank you. Still, maybe will go abroad next year - tentative plan at the moment, but quite possible. But also worried about spending too much on gas and stuff so switching the heating off as often as I can stand it. God, depressing.

But, the good thing is, I now have more to spend on christmas - woohoo. Been talking all week to my sailor, who has cheered up immensely since his little crisis. But, unfortunately he's also been really busy working, so keep missing each other dammit. I am hoping I might hear from the doc today, but I know he's busy cos of swine flu. So one more week at work, and then two weeks of lovely leisure - gorgeous xxxxxx

Problem Solved?

Well, I think I may have done a bad thing. Let me explain - in our family it is said the women have certain 'gifts'. Now, come on, you know what I mean, you've all watched the movies. And honestly, it has happened more than once, that if someone has severely pissed off one of us, then something bad happens to them. Well, aforementioned teacher who annoyed me so much yesterday - really - has just been taken really very ill - well a bad back, so at least she's not in mortal danger. Yesterday, she told me basically, that I should ring my daughter and tell her how to do her job (yes, it's a long story, and yes does have quite a lot to do with her revolting know it all husband). Well, I said, no way, never, come off it. But was very annoyed about it. And today she's sick. A bit spooky this sometimes, but maybe it is just a coincidence.

Of course, the good thing is that I get an awful lot more work between now and christmas - hurrah! Enough to make quite a difference I think, so that's a good thing, isn't it? The bad thing was, while I was discussing all this with my boss, my lovely sailor was waiting in vain for my smutty texts as promised - dammit. Never mind, he does seem to have cheered up though - I think it was partly all those germans in rubber on a programme we both watched - hahahaha.

Also, talked to the doc last night. Boy, did I miss out in London. Dammit again. Am genuinely annoyed about this, you know! He also said he's been chucked out of home again - well maybe staying out of the way is a better way to put it. Poor thing - but he's staying at the surgery - so he doesn't mind too much - better than the crap at home apparently. But I did say, hey are you going to spain again next year - yes of course, he said. Well, can I come? Hmm, don't know, you let me down once. But he'll let me - calls me cutie, so who can resist? A week in Spain - definitely!! Ooooh next year's going to be great.

Hurrah!

I'm in such a good mood now - everything is going so well - I just heard from the doc. He's on call so he had to shoot off. Still a little depressed I couldn't meet him in London, but there we are. I did the right thing, for reasons too many and various to explain. Glad he hasn't forgotten me. Also had a nice chat with the sailor - who is much calmer today - but very pissed off. Turns out he took out his wife - bought her two birthday presents - drove her to a show - bought dinner - paid for everyone and the daughter and the boyfriend he doesn't like. Well, what did he get for all this - fuck all - not even a thank you or a peck on the cheek. Disgraceful.

Well, this is interesting, cos he said he agreed with the previous lady he was seeing, who said it was his own fault. No, I said, I don't agree. I think you're being nice, doing all the right things and so forth and she's just being rude - it's her problem, and don't you dare blame yourself just for being good to her. I also said I thought the previous lady said things like that because she perhaps had her own agenda - manipulative bitch, I think. She obviously saw the watch and stuff and thought, hey I want some of that! Please, I'm not like that really! Honestly. I mean, I've tried to convince myself I could be but I'm just a failure at all that. I just really really like him, and it makes me cross that he's treated so badly. I actually shed some tears, when I thought he was bailing on me - what a shock - but there we are. Too soft for my own good.

So, my two lovely men have cheered me up something lovely - which is great, cos the one at home is a dead loss at the moment. Have been seriously thinking about going. Honestly. Not a good moment I know, but is it ever? Maybe think about it all after christmas. Do you know though - and this is a terrible thing to say - he's always so tired and buggered, and he coughs all the time - I mean really coughs, you know? - I just wonder sometimes if there isn't something really wrong with him. I mean, all that smoking can't have helped, can it? And the loss of libido, well that could also be a symptom of something else couldn't it? It's not right, is it? He's not that old - some men have kids in their eighties. So, it makes me think, actually if that's the case, could I live with myself? But then his dad lived till eighty something, but he did have one lung removed. What a depressing thought - but I can honestly see that we might start living seperate lives soon, and without too much acrimony I think. I guess if I was happy with things, I wouldn't be here though, would I?xxx

Christmas is coming!

Well, finally starting to feel a little bit christmassy! Yes, just a little - steady on now. But I do like going for long walks with the dog, and then settling in by the fire for a nice read with a hot drink. I don't think much of all the cynical money-grabbing advertising this year - maybe it's getting to me a little more than usual? But I am determined not to bankrupt myself this year, and to that end, people will be getting much less and a lot of it home made. Maybe I can set a precedent - cos I do hate all the commercialisation of christmas - and honestly, so do most people, don't they?

I am going to spend a little money on myself though - cos I still need some sprucing up - a new hair colour is next I think. Although, looking through the wardrobe things really aren't too bad - just need to re-evaluate perhaps. And no, I'm not going on a bloody diet - I am so sick of my colleague and her diets - I really think what she needs is a new man, and a bit less self-esteem battering. She actually went to slimming world last week - now she's size 10 - and felt a little silly, cos some women there were enormous. But she still thinks she's got a problem - jeez! What's interesting is her new diet seems to consist of an awful lot of food - me and my other friend will die laughing if she puts on weight!! She might actually end up an obese and revolting size 12.

Quite looking forward to some time off over christmas and some relaxing and mooching and looking round shops. But definitely sticking to cheap shops this year. Wonder if I'll hear from any of my men over christmas? Difficult time for some of them I think. Not heard from dubai yet - I guess the internet is still off. Still thinking about that job - but would I ever really want to come home - doubt it. xxxx

A New Start?

Well, I've been a very good girl for the last couple of days - that's unexpected isn't it? No, no sexting, or cyber sex or text sex or anything - but a bit of a crisis with one lovely man. My sailor got very down and depressed and said that as it was so difficult to meet perhaps I was better off without him. Well, maybe he caught me at a low ebb, but I did sit and have a little cry - which was unexpected. But I wrote quite a long email, and the gist of it was that it didn't really matter if we didn't meet often - the important thing is to be there for each other. Which I really do believe. I would miss him terribly you know - and I know we haven't actually done the deed, but there is an understanding between us. You know, I think the other woman he was involved in might be the problem here - I think she rather laid down the law - well I'm not like that, I told him. Hope he's okay.

Haven't heard from the doc for a while either - miss him! I do often hear from him over the weekend - but I gather his wife is having some sort of treatment - wow I said, you may even start having sex? - no, he said. Shame. Still, fingers crossed.

Also, as promised to self, I've been embarking on a self-improvement campaign. I've been walking the poor dog till her legs drop off. And a lot of pampering of face and body and stuff. Of course, completely unnoticed by oh, goes without saying, doesn't it? I was thinking of going swimming as well, cos I love that, but my god, the weather. So. Next, is hair and new clothes - financially this is not a great idea, but I'm determined to trawl the second hand shops and so forth - and also not forgetting what I already have - so a sort out is needed. Gosh if only I was rich.

And don't forget, my lovely young man in dubai will be back online this weekend - can't help feeling this is just utter madness still. But hey it's fun. And what if I do go to dubai to work - oh wants me to go, to my surprise - but I don't expect he wants me to come back with an arabic husband does he? Hahahahaha xxxx what would audrey do??

A New Look?

Well, had some home truths told to me today - ouch! And I guess to be honest with some justification - along the lines of 'you could look so much better' and also 'she isn't as old as she looks'. Now I do really think all of this was well meant, but still fairly painful to hear, isn't it? So, the self-improvement programme is now going into overdrive. And in all honesty it's probably overdue - and hell, why shouldn't I look as good as I can. Fed up with trying to impress the oh, but there are other fish in the sea, aren't there? So, some money needs to be spent along with some time I think. And probably some effort - though not so keen on that, but there we are.

Actually, I think there have been conversations behind my back at work - now I really don't mind cos these are two of my best friends in the world - but they are the only people who I have ever confided in about feeling less than happy with things. Maybe they have decided what I should do - they even said I should find a younger man! My thoughts exactly.

So I think the first thing to do is clear out the wardrobe - see exactly what's what. And some extra attention to grooming is required. I was quite shocked to see my grey hair in photos lately, so I think a colour and a cut. Then we'll go shopping - I've sussed out some really good second hand shops for really expensive gear, and also some good charity shops. Cos I don't have a lot of money. But honestly I'm going for the good capsule wardrobe here - and I do have some good bits.

Guess what else I did - I looked for jobs in Dubai - how naughty am I?? And they're very well paid. Oh says I should go - oh my goodness, how tempting - somebody slap me, please.

So, off to have a bath and shave the terrible legs, and do a bit of pampering - and why not? xxx

Monday!

Well, Monday dawns, and possibly a bit of reality - yuck! Did have a nice weekend though, but still frustrated as hell. Hmmm. Well, what have I been up to? Mischief of course. My goodness things have got very intense with this young man I've been talking to, and I'm just wondering how completely mad I am?? He says all the right things, and thinks I'm completely wonderful - how can a girl resist? But dear god, it's been just a few days - but he wants to marry me and all sorts - very intoxicating I must say. But then, I know what they're like - very intense. But he is very good looking too and thinks I am very very very beautiful - honestly! I think it's just as well his internet is off for a few days - maybe I will return to sanity in that time.

Also, talking to the sailor this morning who has a cold. But he's feeling very frisky also. Hmmm. Is all of this complete madness or what? I don't know what good will come of it all, but I have to say it is wonderful to feel quite so alive - what have I been wasting my time doing?? I could have been flirting with men all this time!

With Christmas fast approaching, and the new year, I am budgeting like crazy and wondering how I will afford everything - god knows! But I am looking forward to the new year, I really do feel it will be like a new start for me. Goodness knows what I'm capable of doing though, the mood I'm in - am I actually mad enough to move to Dubai?? Feet, get on that ground now! You mad person. Is this a midlife crisis? If not, what the hell is it? Will my family lock me up if they get wind of it all? xxxx

Fun and Games!

Went out last night - was quite a nice, slightly drunken evening, and spent a large chunk of it chatting to a rather dishy guy who's in the SAS - well you would, wouldn't you? And I think he would as well, to be quite honest - except, it was rather a family do, and he's a friend of my stepson - eek! But I must say, I'm rather enjoying the extra male attention I seem to be getting lately, and have decided to embark upon a kind of self improvement thing. Well, you know, when I was younger I used to spend hours on my appearance, shopping and all that stuff, and honestly, I don't now. And really, I think I should at my age - if nothing else, will make me feel more confident I think. Though I must say, getting chatted up by a younger yummy soldier (and I'm not mistaken he was) was rather a tonic. And I do feel also, I could do better, you know? So that's the plan at the moment - a little self indulgence.

I've also been up to some mischief - got a lovely surprise email from a guy I spoke to once, but who I rather liked. He's very near where I live and loves opera like me. Well, a little unusual. Also, not as stuffy as that sounds, as we did have quite an amusing conversation - nice, cos some of these are rather earnest and a little dull! So that was nice. So sent him a brief reply - and will see. But I really did like his sense of humour, and that counts for an awful lot I think.

I've also been chatting with a lovely, young man in Dubai. Oh, how naughty, but how delicious. He's thirty!! OMG What am I doing??? But he loves older women and is just so sweet, what can I do? My oh would go insane - hahahaha. He's very intense in that way that arabs are, and is also quite shy. And also extremely naughty. Oh dear, no good will come of it, you know.

And, do you remember my slave? What fun - well, he's back! I've not spoken to him for ages, but he hadn't forgotten me - bless him. Calls me mistress. Well, how addictive could that be? It does make me wonder just how much I might like that in real life - would I, could I? Goodness me, aren't I exploring some interesting things? And isn't it fun?

My and my darling daughter have been making some plans for next year, and one of them is to go to Egypt - how mad? But we have decided to sell the (enormous) house, and rent for a while, so we will have some money - and my god, life's too short isn't it? Also the plans for the trip to Spain are coming along well - and my goodness I do love spanish men, so some possibilities there - although I don't think I can cope in the summer - jeez that heat! So may go sooner rather than later. And I'm also going to the Glastonbury festival - wonderful. I can't tell you how much happier I feel having some lovely treats lined up for next year - really makes this horrible wet weather bearable.

Odd!

Feeling a bit strange today, cos I had two flu jabs yesterday and I think I have a mild dose of flu. But it's not been as terrible as it sounds, cos I've been at home, and writing, and that's not a bad thing. I don't know about anyone else, but if I'm a little bit ill all sorts of wild fantasies seem to be let loose in my fevered brain - and of course, that's the sort of thing I'm writing, so it's actually been rather useful!

Not heard a thing from the builder I was supposed to be meeting today - but actually feeling quite good that I restrained myself from begging. I'm not sure what the problem was - maybe he's just a bit of a div - or maybe he's just not that into me (!) in which cases I'm best off out of it, aren't I?

May well hear from the doc today, cos he was going to London for that wedding, remember? I saw he was online earlier, but he didn't get in touch - probably just checking up on me haha. Still a bit sad I couldn't make that, it would have been perfect - but then it is horrible weather to be travelling anywhere. I did tell him I may well go and see him next year - how good would that be? Even if we don't get on he lives in one of my favourite cities in the world, so it wouldn't be a dead loss would it?

Also, thinking of doing another mad thing in the new year - yes, another - which is to go on a tall ship. Now, yes I know, I do get seasick, but bear with me. My mother reckoned when she got to my age she stopped being seasick, so I'm counting on that. Also, it's a brilliant thing, cos the ships are built for disabled people to go to sea - they need lots of able-bodied people though to help. Which will be me. How brilliant would that be? Just got to work out the money, and I'm there. I've always wanted to go on a tall ship, and I loooooove reading about the old days of sailing and pirates and so forth. Plus, I really do have a genetic thing where I need to help people.

So, yet another brilliant plan for next year. Really starting to look forward to it now - and honestly, it's got to be better than this year, hasn't it? xxxx

Depressed?

No, not me - just feel like everyone around me is today. Which is hard. Oh isn't too bad today, thank god, despite having just been to a funeral. Had quite a startling conversation with a work colleague today, who confessed just how down she had been feeling - yes, the same one who's been on the diet forever. Well, it's always a shock, but I felt I had to just stop and talk it out a bit, so that's what we did, but still feel quite concerned about her. I have always felt she felt somehow inadequate in lots of ways - not that she is at all I hasten to add - but I know she feels it. And the younger husband doesn't help - I've always felt suspicious of him and how fucking brilliant he is supposed to be as well - I just think he's an idiot who's afraid to grow up myself.

So then heard from the sailor, who was feeling much the same. Well, yes, but you know it's not my problem however sympathetic I am. Although I do very much want to slap his wife. She sounds horrible, but then of course, it's just the one side, isn't it?

But why don't I feel depressed - well, I've been up to mischief of course. Nothing better is there? So I was on IMVU and met this guy from somewhere abroad, and we ended up getting up to all sorts of virtual mischief. Very good fun. Maybe this stuff should be available on prescription? Mind you, still would rather have the real thing.

What was lovely actually was that I did tell him my age (eek) but it didn't make him hesitate for a moment, even though he was a lot younger than me. Now, you don't get that with europeans or americans for that matter. Maybe I should move. But I do think there is a natural respect and admiration for older women that our guys have been taught not to have - except in exceptional cases, you know like Helen Mirren. And there is the money factor (see yesterday) - but then partly that's what's getting everyone down isn't it?

Also, spoke to my daughter this morning who said someone had thrown themselves under the train. She was rather ticked off about it - this is not the first time! So, back to feeling rather concerned about my friend - just how do you help someone who feels so down? Can you do anything? What would I want someone to do for me? But then, you would never know I was down cos I'm good at covering it up.

I did admit during this conversation to things not all being brilliant in my relationship - now I know this won't go any further - but to my surprise, I'm not alone. And we did have a chat about things changing and so forth - didn't mention anything about sex as such, but we both understood where we were going. I do think she's in an extremely similar situation as me, and she's very very tempted to have an affair with this other guy. Well, who would blame her? Not me. Maybe one day I'll tell her what I'm up to. xxxx

Money, money, money??

Thinking about money today (always a problem these days), and a Jane Austen quote arrived on my homepage.

'A large income is the best recipe for happiness I can think of.'

Well, you may be thinking, as I did, well money can't buy you love and all that, and how shallow etc, etc. But then I started thinking about money and men and my situation. You see, my oh is a bit older than me, and quite honestly probably won't work again. And boy does he not like it. At all. But since he's been a gentleman of leisure, my career has really taken off.

Well, this probably wouldn't have occurred to me, if he hadn't said a really beastly thing to me the other day. Brace yourself. 'I would have left you ages ago if I had a job!' Ouch. But it makes you think doesn't it - here I am thinking that he should appreciate me for all the hard work, and looking after and so forth - but he appears to be hating me for it. What is it, Darwinism? Are men designed to work and nothing else - maybe so, when the loss of work makes such an impact on them.

And actually, when you think about it, men are damned good at surviving in the jungle aren't they? Just look at how well all the bankers, MPs and CEOs are doing even in a recession - mainly by trampling any moral qualms they might have into the ground in the pursuit of money. Women really aren't good at that are they - but then maybe the boys don't let them join the club!

Then I started thinking about sex (no!) - well why haven't I thought of this before?? Surely this whole testostorone-fuelled pursuit of money must be linked to sex. So, maybe if they're not doing that, they feel less as men or something. Aha!! Now, could my oh's lack of interest stem from this as much as anything?

It makes sense from a survival of the fittest point of view too - I mean females only mate with the guys who can look after them - and in that case are we emasculating men by insisting on being equal? Have I emasculated my other half by being so damned successful, while he sits at home? Food for thought, isn't it? And if that's true - what the hell can I do about it?

But I have to admit to a shameful attraction to powerful men - well it's hard isn't it? You know, if they say, well I run my own company, don't we all just get a little frisson?? Or, hey I work with the United Nations or whatever - or even better, I'm an officer in the forces (don't get me started!) If we're honest I think maybe it's nature - and maybe the casualties of the modern lifestyle are those of us who mess with traditional gender roles. What the answer is for me, I just don't know though. Other than I guess what I'm doing.

Otherwise a fairly good day at work, but travelling in this vile weather is getting to me a bit; and my sailor was busy at work, so no in-flight entertainment today, dammit. Never mind, tomorrow's usually his big day (!) xxxx

Frightening Old Ladies!

Well, I mean I have been; rather than I am one! Does that make sense? So there I was having a nice little smut session texting with the sailor on the bus, when I realised I was not alone! How rude, I thought. She was reading over my shoulder. Actually, I'm not sure how much she saw, but surely there is some etiquette about such things; and especially when you realise the extreme personalness of the conversation, shouldn't you just bugger off? Well, I do think she got an eyeful of something, cos she gave me a very meaningful glare when she got off. Cheek. I mean, I'm not some kid, am I - and she shouldn't have been looking. However, I have to say it was world class smut, so I guess she maybe learnt something, eh? He is very creative - yum. If you're interested - and I bet you are - I think it was something like 'I want you to sit on my face and wriggle until I'm drowning in your juices,' and so forth. Very nice for a rainy afternoon, don't you think?

So what am I doing on friday, you ask. Well, right now, I haven't a clue. The silly man (the builder) said he'd meet me in a town nearby for lunch, but we never said times or places or anything. Well, I'm buggered if I'm going to contact him, I don't care how good his pecs are. Maybe he's just inundated with feminine interest - in which case, to hell with it. I guess that's what you get from posting a half naked photo of yourself. Well, I've decided to just go with the flow, and do the rules - if he doesn't call, someone else will - believe in the goodness of the universe, blahblah. In other words, don't make a prat of yourself - good advice, I think. Many's the time I've wrestled the phone away from my daughter when she was about to make a fool of herself over some guy - and boy did she learn well!

Other half seems much happier today as well. Interesting how things have settled down now I really am not bothered with the whole 'we have no sex life' thing. How do other couples cope with it, do they all have affairs? Surely I'm not the only woman in the world whose sex drive seems to be getting stronger with age? I suppose a lot of people do have affairs - you just always imagine it's the men - and often it is. But I never thought it would be me! And by the way, can I just point your attention to the adverts for 'horny goat weed' that are sometimes on my site - maybe I should try putting them in his tea hahaha!!

By the way, January is looking hopeful - me and the sailor may be getting away for two nights!! Imagine - it might kill me all that sex - I'm just not used to it. Can you get viagra for women? (Like I need it) See you xxxx

Filthy Thoughts!

So I was doing my own little thing today - not that - going to work and everything, bit of shopping, browse in the town and so on. Obviously, thinking filthy things and occasionally texting such to my sailor - when it occured to me just how many 'looks' I was getting from men lately. OMG - is there some man radar thing that makes them know just when you're thinking dirty thoughts? How strange.

Still, maybe it's just the overall kind of feeling better about myself influence that all this male attention has had on me. I must say, things at home are much better than they would have been otherwise - the level of sexual activity having dropped to negligible - and before I think I would have been going batty. But to no avail. God forbid I cast aspersions on his masculinity and stuff - how awful - well I've pussy-footed around all this for so long, and been caring and listening and all that crap - and honestly, I still am not getting laid. So what was the fucking point? And tell me why I spent twenty quid on those viagra which are gathering dust?

Still, am definitely feeling better in so many ways, despite the odd disappointment - well, such is life, isn't it? And talking to men like I do now, I certainly don't feel bad making myself come, because well no one else is around to do it are they - and god, these guys don't feel bad about it do they - they've got it out at every opportunity. And, even better, they tell me all about it. Sometimes I even get to listen - god, that was thrilling - even though I was pretty carried away myself.

Maybe that's it - what's making me so attractive to men - all that self-loving - well it does make you feel more sexy doesn't it? Also discovering some pretty fabulous blogs and amazingly learning things I didn't know before - christ, I thought I'd been around. But then it also makes you think, hey, what have I been thinking, doing without this???

Still on for Friday, as far as I know. He really is a man of few words - and looking at his profile, really just wants to get laid - well, can I handle that? I think so. I'm a big girl now, and I've been treated worse - at least he's honest. Wouldn't it be wonderful if he had a room booked or something - we could just go at it all afternoon. Dear God, I need it, it's been so long. Also, been reading about rabbits - thanks bad, bad girl - and really, it's time I got this together. I'm so fascinated by the g-spot thing as well, so call it research. Just terrified to go into the shop in the town I work after being followed in by students. Mind you, could combine a spot of shopping with my meeting with the builder - what's that in your bag - well, let me show you! hahahaha would break the ice wouldn't it?? xxxx

Another wet day!

Well, raining again, but I have a much needed free day - lovely. Had a lovely chat with the doc last night - hadn't heard from him in a while, but he's been rushed off his feet giving swine flu vaccines! Why haven't I had mine I cried - you've got them all! Still, was lovely, just great. Had to break the news I can't make it to London to meet up this time, but he was good about that. Bit disappointed honestly, but too many reasons to go into - and would have been obvious I was up to no good if I pushed it too much I felt - so played it cool. Dammit.

Have been reading lots this week - and I can recommend to anyone - the 100 top sex blogs. Don't think I'll make it on there the way things are going - just not enough sex! But I'm enjoying them hugely I must say. And it also makes me think about the whole picture - why should I do without it? No, I won't dammit!

I feel strangely amoral about the whole thing - which if you'd said this to me even two or three years ago I wouldn't have believed. But I really do feel now that life's too short to go without sex. And I love sex, men, the whole shebang. You see, I've always been a good girl, and done what everyone thinks I should. But, I do think I've always had a rebellious streak - a kind of independence if you like - and I don't feel that it's anyone else's business what I do - and that includes oh and family. But then, if I do feel bad at all, I think, well, if he was that bothered he should have bloody married me. Cos I do think that might have stopped me. But he didn't. So he's got no rights over me, has he?

Maybe I am a bad person and so on - but then the thought of never having decent sex again is almost enough to make me give up and die now. And I'm definitely not getting it at home - was it September? I know it was a momentous occasion because I wrote about it! If I was a man, I expect I would have strayed long ago - and actually men get a lot more understanding in this situation don't they? Bugger it, I'll do what I want. But I will try not to hurt anyone. Mind you, I'm not sure how long me and oh can stay together really - it's all such a habit now.

Hey, I forgot. Another man! This time on another site. Well, I read about these sites where you have another life, and an avatar and all that - and actually I was reading about how good it was educationally. So out of curiosity I went on and had a look. Well, I made an avatar and dressed her up and man was it fun! Talked to a few people too. Then I got this guy - well, up for it is not the word! So, send me a photo he said; ok. Well, sent the photo and he fucked off. Gone. How rude, I thought, so I erased him. Well I don't go on there all that often, but when I went back, he wanted to be friends - odd, since my photo disgusted him so much. So I thought about it for about a week, and thought, oh fuck it.

Well, last night he appeared - very hurt - I thought we were friends? Turned out his computer crashed and had to be mended - well he says that anyway. I'm sure I saw him on there soon after. So, what the hell - we can be friends. He's quite amusing anyway. And knows my situation as well. He keeps talking about when we have our affair, and so on; so maybe I'm not so disgusting after all? Funny. I think he should send me a photo though before we even think about that!

Long post today, but there we are. xxxxx

OMG this weather!!

Terrible weather today, so a good day to be quiet and take stock a little I think. The work is drying up now before Christmas so I will have a little time to think, which is nice. Feeling very tired and a little strung out really, but there we are. Big row with oh the other night, which he seems to have either forgotten about or is pretending didn't happen. Ended up with him saying he would have left if he had a job - so now feeling really good about working so hard to support him all the fucking time. Never mind - peace reigns at the moment, but feeling full of seething resentment. Maybe some changes in the new year - hmmm - am I actually brave enough?

Same sort of conversations with the sailor - but he says we might be able to get away to Brum in January - how good would that be? But then he started the, oh well with my luck... blah blah blah. Am starting to get a little fed up with this - and also the way he let's his oh dictate everything - but not my call I know. Still feel a little miffed he actually managed several over-nighters with the other woman, but can't for me. Well fucking hell - I'm damned sure I'm better than she was - how do I know? - just a couple of things he has never ever done, which I would regard as de rigueur really these days. Still, I said to him last night, things change and life is long - we just have to grab our opportunities as and when they come up - which he agreed with. So quite optimistic on that count.

Also, I have a date next week - or do I? He's so hard to get hold of - what if he's not in contact - shall I contact him? No, don't be a complete pussy, he's got to do the work - NB go and re-read the rules!!! I like this one though - at least his bod - and a date!! Haven't had a date in thirty years! Fabulous. Also, may well be going to the opera soon in the new year - just what I need, some doomed love and stuff. I have some nice things planned for me for next year - and really it's all part of the same thing, this feeling that I don't want to waste my life waiting for something to happen! Hence the man hunt, as well as the writing, the working for myself, and the lovely plans for next year. Life's too short - maybe that should be my tattoo - yes, another first - but still may go for 'the truth shall set you free.' OMG - enjoy the irony!!! xxx

Making a Date

I am as I write, making a date to meet the very lovely man I've met on the site. We know when, it's just where - next friday (I'm not working) but where? wish I could drive sometimes, would be much easier. No, it's okay, it's sorted - perfect, not too far, definitely ok. Well he said he'd met a few ladies for coffee, but some were just awful. Maybe he's one of those picky men, cos he does go to the gym a lot. They can be awful can't they? Still, only one way to find out - and hey, he's seen my photo, so it's a good start isn't it?

I shall have to think of a good name for him - he's a builder, so maybe the builder, keeping up my usual standard of extreme originality!! He's gone to the gym now, back later, so might chat some more.

Had a lovely smutty chat with the sailor today - he loves that - but I still have my doubts about him - and that's partly why I've been keeping my options open, you know. Well, I could wait for ever for him, couldn't I? He is such a sweet lovely man, and I so want to do loads of naughty things to him, cos he really hasn't had many breaks sexually. And I don't feel I'd be self conscious or anything with him, not like I might be with this one, you know? But, hey, what the hell, if they want skinny they should sleep with boys, shouldn't they? Was quite inspired reading some of the other bloggers to be honest, cos some post photos as well, and they're not skinny girls you know! Excellent! Just such an inspiration - thank you girls. I get all this crap at work about diets and shit - sorry I just can't be bothered - I do exercise, but really there is a limit you know. I think at work it's about a certain teacher with a much younger husband who really has a chip on her shoulder because of that you know? Not my problem, lovey. Anyway, at 35 I'm damned sure he's going to run off with some young fertile brainless bimbo at any moment, don't you think? And baby, they're not even married, so bye bye house - thanks for paying all the bills, but could you just fuck off please. Maybe I'm cynical, but I don't think so.

So, things going well - this guy is so dishy - is he real? Well, we'll soon see won't we?
xxxxx

Welcome home

Well got home to a record number of five - yes five messages from the same man! Golly, things are looking up - and it's the really dishy one I keep having naughty dreams about - well he would send me a photo of himself with next to nothing on. And he's put me down as a favourite - very promising. He doesn't seem to be about tonight though, shame, but I know he goes to the gym quite a bit, so it could be that. Hey, interesting the tactics here, cos men love to chase, don't they - and the one I started the conversation with blew me out! He has my photo too, so definitely sounds like he's up for it - the quote was, I want to have sex until I die - yummmmmy - well so do I, that's why I'm here!

The sailor was happier today - spoke for a little while - mainly cos he had to go to London. He's buying a car for his daughter - he's such a good dad - very sweet. Still like him loads, but omg the thought of getting my mitts on that body is driving me potty - I'm not sure he'd even have to string a sentence together. So, I'm hanging around online doing some work - maybe he'll get in touch - maybe we'll meet up - and maybe we'll do other things too!!! A little distracted today - maybe I'm premenstrual - maybe I just need chocolate - my sex substitute - you see how much healthier it is to have sex - zero calories! Fingers crossed for me then xxxx

Quiet Weekend

Well I haven't heard from anyone at all over the weekend, but then I guess that's what it's like being the other woman, isn't it? I must say I was disappointed not to hear from one new chap, cos he was very promising, but he does have five kids, so I guess weekends are bound to be occupied. He was lovely, and very funny,so rather promising I think.

The really dishy one also got back in touch - do I want his mobile - well yes I bloody do, but not half as much as I want his body - god yum. Also, he must like me a bit, cos we have done the photo thing. Golly. Really could use and abuse that one - have almost been considering sending him smutty messages, but I don't want to seem desperate. Just mouthwatering - honestly.

Also, interestingly, got blown out by one guy, who said I just wasn't his type. Well, good luck matey cos you're no oil painting - but he was lovely to talk to. It's strange, cos I was thinking of saying the same to him, but then I thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt - he's not so kind obviously. Well, I wished him luck and everything, but what the hell are some of these men looking for?

So, I'm kinda looking forward to getting back to work tomorrow, cos that's when they all get in touch - away from their wives. I swear to god, I'd better get some action before Christmas or I'll go mad - me and the sailor have become sort of long term pen pals, so maybe that's as far as it'll go. And as for the doc, well, I have to tell him that I really can't meet him - there's a big family do on - I can't miss it, it'd just be too suspicious - and I can't really afford it.

Finances are looking up though. I'm actually selling everything that's not nailed down in the house, and making a nice steady income from it, so the bills are looking not quite so daunting now. Still, will keep on it with Christmas coming. Beastly business though - wish I had a rich husband.

Mind you, I've got to say, if anything serious ever comes of all this, and I end up with one of these guys, they really aren't slouches in the money department. Why? Maybe guys with their own businesses are used to making things happen - in all areas of life. But although nothing is said always, you can tell they are seriously loaded some of them - get this - I follow performances of my favourite operas around the world - well, wow. You know, and other things like that, so you know that they are really rather rich. However, the ex-wives take a slice, I know this. But they're still better off than I am.

So, my friends, I'm still rather frustrated and stuff, but I do think things are looking up - especially the two new guys - yum. So let's see what next week brings. xxxxxxxxx

Things are Looking Up!!

Well hello,
Well I've been far too busy getting up to mischief to blog the last couple of days. I was getting a little cheesed off at the promise but no reality on the horizon of masses of hot sex. Well, that's why I joined. So, since then, things have improved rather rapidly - is there something in the water this week? Can't imagine. Anyway, have been talking to lots of new men - and three - yes, read em three are still talking to me despite having done the photo thing. Very nice. Well, one is super intelligent and funny and seems to have a really rather important job - and likes me rather a lot I think. The second one, well, I think is a bit more of a games player, but is really rather dishy - big rugby playing type - actually sent a picture of himself in his swimming stuff! Mind, it was rather wonderful. But in fact, it was his big hairy arms that really did it for me. Talked to him a lot a few days ago, sent a pic and it went rather quiet, oh well, but heard from him again today. Well he did cause me a rather erotic dream so I'm just going to see what happens. He's in construction, but seems to be in charge - I don't mix with no trash you know - remember the GDI

Third one, I heard from today, sounds just lovely. Has four kids, and doesn't want to blablabla, you know the drill. Anyway, just delightfully funny. Also runs his own company - and my god, he loves opera. How good would that be? Perfect night out would be at the opera, and then a dinner followed by a night of passion - well yum!!! May have to start going shopping for all this poshness. But let's see how keen he is first. I'm absolutely not going to be dicked about, that's for sure - gave that up when I was 17.

Also, had lovely smutty phone text session with the sailor - really we are getting very bad. I was sitting on his face and sucking his cock today - god, imagine. But, I do think sometimes that he's quite content with this, as his other woman said to him. Remember I did have misgivings even then? Well, if this is it, then this is it, okay. And he's so nice, and I'm more than happy to talk smut to him - although he wants to take me sailing next spring. Would be rude to refuse, really wouldn't it? And also, I'm fucked off with being so bloody loyal and reliable at work then to have my extra hours given to the foreign fuckpig who goes off to new york with two days notice and so forth and is always, but always, ill!! Not feeling very politically correct about it, sorry. But I'm determined to put a lot more fun in my life next year - and if that means ticking them off at work so be it. Got some plans already, including glastonbury festival and maybe sailing on a tall ship, as well as a week in spain (alone!!) So my new motto should be something like 'life's too fucking short' - what do you think?

I'm also doing national novel writing month for november. Wow what a great idea. You have to write a novel of 50,000 words, prove it, and you get a certificate. Lots of support on the site, and you can keep a running total to see how you're doing. Lots of people on there have got published this way - and hey can you think of a better way of making money out of my dirty mind? Yes, perhaps, but that's illegal. Looking forward to speaking more to my new lovely men - will let you know xxxxxxx

Happy Doc!

I've had quite a quiet and boring weekend - which is actually quite nice sometimes, especially when it's so bloody cold out. Not heard from the sailor - but then I don't usually, especially as I used him up and wore him out on Friday!! Been talking to the doc though - things are much better at home, and he's back living at home. I'm very relieved for him, he was quite upset and lonely, and I just wanted to crawl down the phone and give him a hug.

Anyway, we had a nice chat - I said to him at one point, and I really think it's true, that we don't need to talk all the time, and it doesn't matter if we don't, but it's still always great when we do. And perhaps we would be like that in bed. Wouldn't that be just perfect. Still hoping to meet up this month, but it is a little doubtful for both of us, but as I said to him, it doesn't really matter, we're not going anywhere are we? Still it would be nice.

I was telling him about this brilliant thing I read about doctors in the nineteenth century. Well, it seems many women went to the doctor with womb fever - and it sounds to me like they just weren't getting enough (a bit like me!). Well, the cure was for the doctor to give them pelvic massage - yes, it is what you think - until they came. Seems the poor doctors got a bit tired of doing this, so they invented, yes, the vibrator!!! Well, he said, what's the symptoms of womb fever, and one was the good old victorian hysteria. Well, I could almost hear him running away - hysterical women still have that effect don't they. I said, I think they just weren't getting enough, so obviously me and you is a match made in heaven. Oh, god, he said, buy a vibrator for god's sake, cos I'm going to be exhausted! Love him. xxx But isn't it fascinating that women were in my position even then? But with no internet or anything. Funny, no one offered me pelvic massage at the doctor's, but then the doc said he'd be struck off now for that shite. Not by me he won't. See you xx

Text Sex?

Is this a word? I don't know, but I've been at it again. I really must get the hang of texting better or faster, or with my left hand perhaps. Cos this is all very tricky. Works though, haha. God, yes. Well, we got warmed up while I was on the bus home, and then when I realised I was home alone all hell broke loose. Fantastic, came so hard I saw stars. He is so lovely my sailor. And seriously love looking at the photos he sent me. You know, I was thinking, I never used to like looking at men's bits all that much when I was young - yes, I had a lot of sex, but not with the relish I do now. I wonder why that was - and honestly, my conclusion is that it's probably my upbringing - very uptight and sex is disgusting and all that. At the time, I don't think I realised how much it influenced me - but in hindsight I think all that sex (yes, I had a fair bit) was my was of rebelling against that. Didn't work really, just had a lot of sex - didn't necessarily enjoy it - that came much later. I still think it's so interesting that I seem to be only just hitting my sexual stride - shame it coincided with my oh's decreasing sex drive isn't it? Oh, the irony.

I was also wondering last night about all this cyber-sex and text-sex and stuff. Well, it's very nice and all that, but I really could do with a bit more. Hmmm. I like my two men, but perhaps I need someone who's willing to come across a bit more. Have a guy pursuing me quite hard on the website - interesting - maybe I should pay him a bit more attention. Mind you, it does seem to have sharpened his interest somewhat as my can't quite be bothered-ness has made him dead keen.Just like the rules say? Well, I think I'll have a look for him today. And maybe some more phone sex - well, I can't do without completely you know. I'm just craving the real thing quite a lot. Food for thought. xxxx

Well, how strange?

Hello there - well I've had an odd day. Spoke to a very down in the mouth sailor - sad because we won't be getting together next week, so actually that's a good thing. But so wish we were. God haven't had decent monkey sex in such a long time - grrrr.

Still, he's very keen which is a good thing - makes men creative I find. So we'll see - he reckons he's getting more attention than usual, and is worried he talks in his sleep - how wonderful. Well, she should shag him more than once every ten years, so I don't really have much sympathy - all of the benefits without coming across - it's just not right is it? Not that I see it as hard work - more men for me I suppose, the more women renege on the contract.

So, the interesting thing. Well, I went on IMVU last week - the advert was on my site, so I had a look - and it's a lot of fun - but I seriously think I could spend hours on it, you know? Anyway, my avatar (get me!) is well glamorous and everything - but I did put my real age on it. So I got chatting to a guy who was obviously after finding a lady - now bear in mind this is not married dating, so a little bit of a different ball game. Well, we had a flirt for a day or two, and he said, send me your photo. Well, I didn't really want to. And I told him I was married but up for it - sounds bad, but you know what I mean. Well, eventually sent the photo, and the bugger blew me off. Ouch. Oh, sod it, I thought, win some, lose some. But it did hurt. I'm not that bad looking! I guessed maybe I didn't suit.

Next instalment though, I got a friend request from him today. Well, what should I do. I haven't decided yet. He's actually a bit older than me, so I think it's a bit of a cheek, especially as he didn't send his at all - just blew me off. So, might go on later and see what happens. Why not? He knows my town, but lives a long way away. Will let you know, but he's not going to fuck me around, that's for sure. Bye xxx

Doomed!

Oh dear, I'm afraid we're doomed! That is, me and my lovely sailor. Perhaps I shouldn't take this quite so flippantly, but I'm afraid it made me laugh quite a lot. He's obviously not had enough peril in his life. Upshot is, re the tickets business - the tickets have come, but it has been decided that either he and oh go, or daughter and her oh (yes, the one he hates). Well, it's all rather daft, isn't it? But he's really upset about it - perhaps too much cyber sex yesterday didn't help too much? Well, it's not the end of the world. And the tickets are to see a really good band I think, so it's not really a disaster. Can't help thinking perhaps he should stand up to all this female crap - but I just get his side, so it's hardly fair, is it?

Other than that, nothing at all from the toyboy. Now I can't really say I'm that upset, cos he wasn't really my type, but it's still rather rude just to say nothing. And he was calling me darling and sweetheart last week. I don't think I look bad enough to warrant ignoring! How rude. What do other people do - is this the etiquette online? Seems bad to me.

Another problem is that the weekend I was thinking of going to meet the doc, there's a big family do - well, do I have the bottle to lie to the whole family? We'll see. Of course, he did think his oh might want to come too - so that would solve the problem and I could act wounded as well. Not so straightforward as you might think, all this is it? I have to say, I was really looking forward to next week, and getting screwed rotten (as promised) - but there we are. Can't be helped, can it? Damn. Maybe if I send enough photos it'll drive him mad enough to sort something out - after all he managed it before, and they stayed overnight as well! Mmmmm this is the sort of thing that makes mistresses into witches I think - careful, dear. xxxxxx

Busy Girl

I've been a very busy smutty little minx the last couple of days. And you'll be wanting to know why. Well, lovely long chat with the doc - who - omg - might be in london soon. Do we want to meet up - do we ever?? We'll see. Seems his oh is losing the plot still, so things are very difficult at the moment. I wonder if we'll get on - he makes me a little edgy sometimes. Love him to bits though. And you have to have confidence in a doctor don't you? At least they know where a clitoris is, lol.

Also heard from the toyboy - and a photo. Well, he looks a big chap - rugby type - and actually quite dishy. I have quite a thing for big men lately - why? - maybe cos my oh is small. Dunno. Anyway, quite liked him, and sent a photo - but haven't heard back yet. Oh well. But I have to say, he is quite a busy man (making money?) and I won't give up yet. But what will be will be.

I have to mention also, that my daughter (who was married but is no more) seems to have seen the light (hurrah). She seems to have landed herself a seriously loaded guy quite a few years older than herself. Well done, I said, your new career as a golddigger starts here. I was only half joking. I'm still reading that book, and my god it seems to make sense to me. You know, no matter what we do, women are still financially light years behind men - that glass ceiling is firmly in place. It also makes a lot of sense that men like making money and women don't - we're really not that competitive are we. Like spending it though. So maybe that's the way it should be. Interesting.

Other than that, been talking to my sailor. Sent him some photos yesterday - well, that did the trick - cheered him up no end. I did tell you I had world class tits - I'm just not so keen on flashing them about at my age - there is a limit you know. Well, he said he'd always dreamed of a pair like mine - lovely little pink nipples and turning up slightly and then he went quite peculiar - and I suspect messy. What I call a result! Our meeting (?) may be a week from today, but still no tickets. Dammit, concert company, pull your finger out!! I know he'll be really cross with the oh, and also pretty pissed that she wasted so much money - she's spent roughly the same on two concert tickets as I've spent for glastonbury - silly girl. Shit, I'd know how to look after his money better than that - really! Some people have no idea when they're well off do they? You know what I'm thinking don't you? xxxxx

Better Days

Well, a much better couple of days, my dears. I had a very depressed fed up sailor on friday, and now he seems much improved - and back on form! I got a very naughty photo yesterday, and some rather specific requests for photos - well, only too happy to oblige my dear. And a few naughty texts - excellent. The one cloud on the horizon is next week's meeting - which is still a little in doubt. His daft oh got tickets for a thing from a rather dubious ticket agency, and paid terrifically over the odds as well. And they haven't arrived yet. There is a strike on with the post though, which could be one reason. But can't count our chickens until they actually come.

The poor man was so fed up because he couldn't see that we would ever meet up at this rate - with the tickets in doubt and everything. So I had to cheer him up and say that I wasn't going anywhere - and got a lovely photographic reward. He's very worried that he's not up to scratch size wise -he's seen ads from women saying, don't call if you're not eight inches - he reckons he's six. Well, I said I felt a bit scared by eight inches, cos I'm not that big myself - I'm not, really. And I said (and I mean it) that I thought it looked just perfect and lovely. Very frustrating though - just want to reach in and grab it - yum. So cross your fingers for me that these bloody tickets come!!

Also got a missed chat alert from the doc - dammit. I am still worried about him, and hope he's okay - but it's kind of good for him to miss me I think. Maybe I'll catch him today. Also, my toyboy has not been heard of for a couple of days - we'd got to the sending a photo stage. Maybe he's chickened out. Not to worry. Was a nice thought though, wasn't it? And I do have two other lovely men, so things are looking good. Later xxxxxxx

Feeling neglected!

Well, I've been feeling a bit neglected, as you know. But the antidote may be in sight, as my boytoy is sending me his photo tomorrow - very exciting. Yes, I know I'm greedy and I also know I have three men on the go, but I haven't actually slept with any of them yet, have I? And don't worry, if all goes well, that will be happening very soon!

Now this new guy sounds very promising - he's very considerate, has no kids or anything and sounds like he's also loaded (what is going on here - a theme I think?). Well, I like the sound of him, so I'll be greedy if I want. Also, feeling very frustrated, so what the hell - maybe he'll come up with the goods as it were.

Heard from the sailor today - been busy, blah blah blah oh, and daughter and so forth. Well, I thought you'd gone off the whole idea, I said. I must say I expected a bit more of an enthusiastic response to my tastefully naughty pics, but I don't think he's been well this week. Still, we expect more next week, don't we?

Also heard from my slave (oh, isn't this fun) who misses laying at my royal feet. Just what a girl needs after a hard day. Wonder if any of my men would be up for it?? xxx

Quiet Day

Well, got to work and it turned out I had a bit of free time, which was lovely, cos I'm always chasing my tail normally. Obviously went to check the email when no one was around. Two messages - lovely - from two different men. I'm so lucky. Really, aren't I??

So heard from the sailor who didn't email yesterday at all. Hmmm. Not happy. Said he had this that and the other problem at home. Still. Don't want him to think I'm desperate, but was a bit miffed - I'm used to the attention now - so a cool classy message went duly off.

Also heard from the new guy (36!!) - and despite his terrible spelling (I must stop being such a snob about this) he does sound really nice. And quite honestly, it seems to be the people with the least education who are making the most money these days doesn't it - not that I don't blame the state of british education for failing a huge percentage of the people who have survived it. It does seem to me that a lot of people really do better financially living by their wits to some extent, rather than doing the old academic two-step. I know I'm not doing all that great despite all my hard work. Rant over.

So, he does sound nice. Feels a bit bored with life though. No kids and a successful business to run. I guess it must seem a bit pointless at times. He said he thought he should be happy as his life was stress free - well, I said sometimes you need stress to make you feel alive, don't you? I'm sure that's true. Quite intrigued he has no kids - just a dog apparently - and really doesn't want to leave his wife. Promising though, I think, if only that my mouth is watering at the thought of all that stamina. So, does he sleep with his wife or what - maybe find out tomorrow - I'm thinking something is lacking - if she was shagging him stupid, he probably wouldn't be talking to me, would he.

So, back tomorrow with an update I hope. Hopefully a little more attention from my sailor. And some more about the intriguing boytoy. And if I'm really lucky, might hear from the doc - my first love xxxx

Poor man!

Well, got a nice long call last night from the lovely doctor: it seems his wife has lost it and thrown him out - well almost - it's just become impossible. Poor man. So he's being hyper-careful she doesn't get wind of me - might mean a more expensive divorce. So want to go and cheer him up. He asked if I still wanted him - I said damn right - we have just got to make a plan and do it, haven't we? It'll be worth it. He's so lovely. What's up with these women, neglecting all these lovely men, I just don't get it? Hope he calls again soon, cos I'm a bit worried about him. And he works much too hard. But I said, maybe it'll be easier to see each other if that's the way things are? Always looking on the bright side, you see.

Also, got quite an enthusiastic message ('darling') from my new, young prospect. Gosh. He's sent his email and mobile and wants to send a photo. He hasn't found anyone on the site at all - are decent women that hard to find on there? Anyway, quite turned on by the thought of a 36 year old. Good god, all that stamina without an outlet. Sounds wonderful, and he's an ex-rugby player. Droooooool. Sorry, not too lady-like, but my goodness. Don't know whether to call or play it cool. Hmmm.

Also, heard from the sailor, but he's not too well - I told him to get better by november xxxx and he laughed. And still reading the gold-digging book. You know, it does make a lot of sense to me, and hell, not just cos my finances are fucked. I do think my oh is suffering from a lack of manliness partly due to the lack of earning power - now I didn't think this mattered, but it obviously does - hence me on here!! Plus, if I was actually gold-digging, I'm actually not doing badly at it, am I?? I mean, I've got a doctor and two guys with their own businesses and counting. Maybe I missed my vocation - but the book also says it's never too late, cos apparently lots of rich guys looooove older women, cos they don't seem to be after their money, or to nail them down with a family: so it's really food for thought isn't it? Especially with the sailor and the doc both hovering on the brink of divorce - and my new guy has no kids (thank god, was a bit worried when I found out his age - no, can't really countenance someone with young kids - I'm not a complete bitch). And honestly, plenty of people do it and live happily ever after, don't they - and it's not as if I have small kids any more. Don't know, but it's all very appealing - swanning around having massages and getting shagged rotten - what a life. xxxxxxx So I'm avidly reading the advice on how to catch a rich man - all good advice I think - perhaps could do better with the grooming aspect, so will work on that!! Always a good thing anyway. See you tomorrow x

I have a slave!

Well, I was really getting a bit fed up, so I did a couple of mad things. The first thing I did was take some naughty pictures of myself - this might be really easy if you're a contortionist. But I'd read up on literotica how to do it, and felt quite inspired. So I went all artistic and muzzy (not difficult when you've got a shit camera) and did some shots in the bath (bubbles) and out (towel covering bulgy bits). I thought they ended up looking quite fab. I didn't show more than a nipple, but I do have fabulous tits, so I thought they had to be promoted a bit. Anyway, I rarely get much mail on sunday from my sailor, but I did today. Very appreciative. So might try again. Black lace this time I think.

The other mad thing I did was to go on IMVU - well it's like a virtual reality site - I quite like dressing up my avatar - she's gorgeous. And I go on a book group - its quite fun, but I've not really got that much into it yet. Well, I started talking to this guy from new jersey about his girlfriend and the stuff she makes him do. He's her slave, and he wants to be my virtual slave too. Well, okay. I was a bit taken aback at first, you know, but my goodness it's quite exhilarating. He was kissing my feet and everything - he likes to lie at my feet while I sit on a throne. Fab. If only it was real. Fun though. He wants to sleep on the floor at the foot of my bed, and put all his salary into my account (I don't think that bit's real though, do you?) Quite fun, and my god I got quite turned on. I always thought I was a bit submissive if anything, but hell I could get used to this I thought. Will report back how it goes on.

Have also been reading a very interesting book called 'Smart girls marry for money' - very intriguing. Definitely struck a chord in these financially trying times. To paraphrase, it said are you pushing 50 and still working your guts out while the girls who are thick but beautiful have nothing to do all day but shop and get massages. Well, yes I am. Really makes you think, doesn't it? We've all been shafted haven't we - all this having it all really means doing every-bloody-thing doesn't it? Well, it certainly feels that way to me. Food for thought certainly - and for the future? More tomorrow. xxxxx