OMG this weather!!

Terrible weather today, so a good day to be quiet and take stock a little I think. The work is drying up now before Christmas so I will have a little time to think, which is nice. Feeling very tired and a little strung out really, but there we are. Big row with oh the other night, which he seems to have either forgotten about or is pretending didn't happen. Ended up with him saying he would have left if he had a job - so now feeling really good about working so hard to support him all the fucking time. Never mind - peace reigns at the moment, but feeling full of seething resentment. Maybe some changes in the new year - hmmm - am I actually brave enough?

Same sort of conversations with the sailor - but he says we might be able to get away to Brum in January - how good would that be? But then he started the, oh well with my luck... blah blah blah. Am starting to get a little fed up with this - and also the way he let's his oh dictate everything - but not my call I know. Still feel a little miffed he actually managed several over-nighters with the other woman, but can't for me. Well fucking hell - I'm damned sure I'm better than she was - how do I know? - just a couple of things he has never ever done, which I would regard as de rigueur really these days. Still, I said to him last night, things change and life is long - we just have to grab our opportunities as and when they come up - which he agreed with. So quite optimistic on that count.

Also, I have a date next week - or do I? He's so hard to get hold of - what if he's not in contact - shall I contact him? No, don't be a complete pussy, he's got to do the work - NB go and re-read the rules!!! I like this one though - at least his bod - and a date!! Haven't had a date in thirty years! Fabulous. Also, may well be going to the opera soon in the new year - just what I need, some doomed love and stuff. I have some nice things planned for me for next year - and really it's all part of the same thing, this feeling that I don't want to waste my life waiting for something to happen! Hence the man hunt, as well as the writing, the working for myself, and the lovely plans for next year. Life's too short - maybe that should be my tattoo - yes, another first - but still may go for 'the truth shall set you free.' OMG - enjoy the irony!!! xxx