Another wet day!

Well, raining again, but I have a much needed free day - lovely. Had a lovely chat with the doc last night - hadn't heard from him in a while, but he's been rushed off his feet giving swine flu vaccines! Why haven't I had mine I cried - you've got them all! Still, was lovely, just great. Had to break the news I can't make it to London to meet up this time, but he was good about that. Bit disappointed honestly, but too many reasons to go into - and would have been obvious I was up to no good if I pushed it too much I felt - so played it cool. Dammit.

Have been reading lots this week - and I can recommend to anyone - the 100 top sex blogs. Don't think I'll make it on there the way things are going - just not enough sex! But I'm enjoying them hugely I must say. And it also makes me think about the whole picture - why should I do without it? No, I won't dammit!

I feel strangely amoral about the whole thing - which if you'd said this to me even two or three years ago I wouldn't have believed. But I really do feel now that life's too short to go without sex. And I love sex, men, the whole shebang. You see, I've always been a good girl, and done what everyone thinks I should. But, I do think I've always had a rebellious streak - a kind of independence if you like - and I don't feel that it's anyone else's business what I do - and that includes oh and family. But then, if I do feel bad at all, I think, well, if he was that bothered he should have bloody married me. Cos I do think that might have stopped me. But he didn't. So he's got no rights over me, has he?

Maybe I am a bad person and so on - but then the thought of never having decent sex again is almost enough to make me give up and die now. And I'm definitely not getting it at home - was it September? I know it was a momentous occasion because I wrote about it! If I was a man, I expect I would have strayed long ago - and actually men get a lot more understanding in this situation don't they? Bugger it, I'll do what I want. But I will try not to hurt anyone. Mind you, I'm not sure how long me and oh can stay together really - it's all such a habit now.

Hey, I forgot. Another man! This time on another site. Well, I read about these sites where you have another life, and an avatar and all that - and actually I was reading about how good it was educationally. So out of curiosity I went on and had a look. Well, I made an avatar and dressed her up and man was it fun! Talked to a few people too. Then I got this guy - well, up for it is not the word! So, send me a photo he said; ok. Well, sent the photo and he fucked off. Gone. How rude, I thought, so I erased him. Well I don't go on there all that often, but when I went back, he wanted to be friends - odd, since my photo disgusted him so much. So I thought about it for about a week, and thought, oh fuck it.

Well, last night he appeared - very hurt - I thought we were friends? Turned out his computer crashed and had to be mended - well he says that anyway. I'm sure I saw him on there soon after. So, what the hell - we can be friends. He's quite amusing anyway. And knows my situation as well. He keeps talking about when we have our affair, and so on; so maybe I'm not so disgusting after all? Funny. I think he should send me a photo though before we even think about that!

Long post today, but there we are. xxxxx