Contemplating

I'm feeling very thoughtful today, which is not surprising I guess. When I look back at the last year, I really can't believe how far I've come. Wasn't I brave?? And wow, wasn't it worth it? When I think back to last christmas and how completely miserable I felt, it's very hard to believe that things have changed quite that much. They have. And amazingly, no one seems to have noticed. Isn't that odd?

Now, I have to wonder what next year will bring. Well, I'm not going back to being the down trodden doormat I used to be, trying to mend my marriage. That's never happening. What I hope will happen is that I will move on and find myself in a brilliant relationship by next christmas. What I think may well happen is that I might be with this american. Honestly. It's sudden and crazy, but it feels totally unstoppable. And he's talking crazy stuff too, it's not coming from me.

Now I'm wondering what to do about my other men. Maybe nothing for the time being. Let's see. I always thought I'd end up with the bm, but seeing as he can go without talking to me for weeks at a time, I wonder if that would be wise honestly. This new guy can't bear it for one day. There's a lot of logistics to work out, but you know, he will. I know it. I feel loved and needed and valued - and that hasn't been the case for such a long time has it? Is it too perfect? Maybe not - maybe miracles can happen. Have a lovely boxing day xxxx