Christmas and everything

Well, it's all starting, and I'm doing pretty well keeping up the facade of normality for the family. Because everyone's staying, we're sleeping together again, which was quite uncomfortable the first night, but seems ok now. He's not attempted anything though, which is not a great surprise is it, honestly? I'm really not sure how I'd react now though, just don't want him any more. That's what constant rejection will do to you though, isn't it?

March is looking good - and this guy is just wonderful. I really think this could be quite special - that throws up all kinds of problems seeing where he lives, but he's ready for that, and says let's just take it one step at a time, okay with me.

You know, I have been thinking about this a lot. Maybe this is better for me in a lot of ways. I like having lots of different men, despite it being something your normal man in the street would definitely not approve of. I just feel like taking a huge great bite out of life, and sod the consequences. Why limit yourself? And I surely feel I have enough love to give to lots of men, I really do. Is it wrong? If it is, why?

I guess really I should think about the future and things, but at the moment, I just feel in limbo. Let's see.

Oh, me and my guy are fine now - it was very very close I think. We decided to draw a line under it and move on. He's a bit sad he's not the American I'm meeting in March, but there we are. If he gets over, we're definitely spending time though. It's odd, this internet thing - we are such close friends, better even than a lot of my real friends - who obviously I never talk to about all this, too dangerous!! And I know he feels the same. It's a precious thing, and I don't intend to lose it.