So Busy!

Well guys, I'm definitely not well today, so I'm taking it easy and staying warm and cosy. Yum. You know, I've been thinking and wondering a lot about the loss of libido question, and no amount of searching on the internet seems to tell me what I want to know. Maybe it really is the last taboo to admit that you just don't sleep together any more. Makes sense really, the shame mixed with the, well who are you sleeping with then question almost guarantees that people don't talk about it. But my goodness, the enthusiastic reaction that I seem to get everytime I tell my guys that I actually love men - there must be an awful lot of sterile marriages out there. And just imagine, if, say 50 percent of women my age don't like sex, and say, 30 percent of men. Well, that's an awful lot of miserable couples - well, at least the half that still wants sex. Shame you can't just match up the ones who do and the ones who don't isn't it?? I guess that's partly what I'm doing!

Been speaking to the surveyor this morning - he's cooking. And another guy, who I'm actually warming to, who I think was some sort of professional sportsman, but is now retired. So want to meet with him, but it's such a busy week coming up. Perhaps Saturday? Let's hope the snow stays away then.

Actually, it's quite easy for me to get away for the day at the moment - cos last year I did a lot of day trips for work at this time of year. It's quite well paid, and actually really good fun (like all work should be, shouldn't it?) So maybe next weekend? Kind of waiting to hear what the surveyor suggests first, though - should give him first dibs I guess after yesterday!

And, oh my, my businessman is back tonight!!! Can't wait - I do hope we hit it off - he's just great. Actually, it is quite amazing the men I've met on here - there's not really any who are not what my mother would have called 'excellent prospects'! I mean, I'm honestly not here to gold dig, but you've got to admit, it makes things run more smoothly in a lot of ways, doesn't it? I mean, where could you meet if you couldn't afford a hotel? A tent? I suppose that could be fun, but only in the summer. If only there was a how-to guide for infidelity. Maybe I could write one when I have a little more experience - now there's a thought, isn't it? Wouldn't like to be exposed in the sun too much though - would ruin my love life. See you tomorrow xxxxx

A Grand Day Out

Well, today was the big day - date all set up - lunch in the city - fabulous. I got the bus and all was going well - it was a beautiful sunny day if a bit cold. Then I got the text from the surveyor - I'm stuck in snow, I'm afraid it's hopeless. Well, I was just about there, so seemed silly to turn back really. So I had a bit of a day out in the city and treated myself to lunch out. Mind, I didn't stay too long as it was so cold, it was starting to get to me a bit, and I never really enjoy shopping all that much, especially with no company.

He's very impressed I didn't make a fuss, and all that, but actually what good would that do?? I ask you - but I guess that's not the way a lot of women see it, is it now?? So, another day I got away with it, I suppose, so there is that. You know, I can't help thinking I've got like nine lives - except I don't actually know how many I've got - before the oh finds out. I think I've been watching too many soaps - let's face it, they always find out in the soaps, don't they - well, it makes a good story! I guess I've only used up two so far. But I may use up two more next week - one definite date, and one possible - still thinking about that one, but hey, why not?

The one I'm really looking forward to is wednesday though, as you know. But I guess it'll still be cold, won't it? I don't ever feel at my best in the cold you know. He's online tomorrow - can't wait. This really does feel like it could be something very special you know - I just hope I can keep my rational head on for a while longer.

So, not a great success today - but the silver lining is that I've got away with it again -that's my view of things really. The eternal optimist. Now, can I get away with all this next week?? xxxx

In Demand!

Yes, I do seem to be today, and isn't it wonderful?? Tomorrow I'm meeting the surveyor and we're going to have lunch - no pressure and all that - but should be nice, even if it's not hot - but best approached with an open mind I think. Then on Wednesday, I'm meeting the lovely lovely businessman - got to travel a little way, but like he says, you'll be nervous if it's too close to home, won't you? Yes!

So tonight I'm going to give myself a little pampering and so forth - wouldn't it be too wonderful if I got on with both of them? Could get to be hard work though, couldn't it? Strangely, I'm getting really stupidly attached to the businessman already - yes, I know, it's madness - but I was so jealous when he said he was spending the weekend with his ladyfriend I almost had to give myself a slap! At least I didn't say anything bitchy.

And got a marvellous message from the sailor who has finally figured out an almost perfect way for us to meet - ha, it was sure worth getting him motivated last friday, wasn't it? Mind you, drove myself mad telling him what I would do to him if it all worked out - silly girl. So, who will I sleep with first, that is the question - maybe none - maybe this will all be a disaster, but I'll still have my lovely sailor. He reckons he can swing it once a month, which is actually perfect - not pushing it too much, you know. And god knows, we've already waited long enough!

Now, another thing, my businessman travels abroad - and I have a friend in this country, who I've already told the oh I'm going to visit soon - want to come on a trip with me then, he said - well, not wanting to be too stupidly eager, I coolly replied, God, yes!!! I don't think I do cool very well, do you? But maybe this is just meant to be - it all seems to be falling into place beautifully.

So wish me luck for my date tomorrow - a full report will follow! xxxxx

Feeling Great Today!!

Well, I am, and why not?? I literally just logged on and the surveyor was there waiting to make a date, so I'm seeing him on saturday. We've decided to just meet for lunch and have a bit of a giggle, so there's no real pressure. Should be lovely, even if we're just commiserating on our home lives, haha! Now, honestly I'm not too sure about the chemistry with us, but we shall have to see, shan't we? And I honestly think will be no hard feelings, I do like him a lot.

And also spoke briefly to the sailor who wants me to be his cabin boy now - the plan for the summer is coming along swimmingly (oh dear). But my goodness, I'm sure he doesn't rip the knickers off all his crew, does he? He said no, only the naughty ones, haha. He seems much more cheerful today, despite working in the freezing cold, poor man. Maybe he won the row with the oh?

I'm on the lookout for my businessman now. We're meeting up next week - god, it's all happening, isn't it? But had a bit of trouble deciding where. Got a good idea now, and a good excuse for my absence up my sleeve too. Just need him to contact me now. This other guy wants to meet too, but is quite cool if I'm having trouble getting away - just better not tell him I've kind of overbooked myself this week had I?? Still, I don't really want to blow him out just yet - I mean, what if nothing else works out??? Still got the sailor though, eh?? xxxx Still, feeling very optimistic about the whole thing - and also thinking I'd best buy some decent knickers if I'm going to slip them in someone's pocket! Plan ahead, just like they taught us in the guides (did they do an infidelity badge - would have passed that, wouldn't I?) Take care xxx

Wow!

Well, I can barely contain myself today, as I had the longest conversation with the lovely businessman and we've fixed up a date, and actually an overnight as well if that goes well - ooh er! So the photo today - that could well be me soon! Well, I can see why he's been so successful in business - he doesn't mess about with negotiations and stuff, just goes for it - wow - and how hot is that actually? Also said he was giving up on the site now - swoon!! It is peculiar how completely right this feels, and I do obviously have reservations but, omg, I can't stop smiling and my colleagues are asking what I'm so damned happy about - best not tell, eh?

He's not married but has a ladyfriend he sees - who is rather unsexy apparently. Oh dear, just feel the competitive instinct hmm? They're actually at a bit of a crossroads from what he says, and I said hey are you sure about this, don't mess things up. But I guess it's his decision isn't it?

He told me if we get on at our meeting (coffee at first!) then he wants me to go to the ladies and take off my knickers and put them in his pocket so he can take them home and smell my scent. Well omg, how perfect is he? I guess from some guys that might be smutty, but for some reason it wasn't. You know, if it goes well with him I may just have a cull - it's getting ridiculous keeping up with everything anyway. However, I seem to have had a fair bit of natural wastage anyway - surveyor has disappeared, and a couple of guys who seemed keen as mustard have vanished as well. There is one guy who is up for a meet, but I'm not all that sure about him - he's a little too smutty or something - the type who would sleep with you once and move on I think - have put him off for a while anyway. It's easy, just blame the oh! One guy this week wrote me a small essay, but didn't even bother replying to my answer - what did I say? Still got the lovely sailor though - we're here for keeps me and him you know - he's having an ongoing row with the oh at the moment, so rather a lot of rushed emails this week. Not to worry, just so long as he's ok - and it's actually nice he's standing up for himself a bit I think.

So, the meet is next week, and I have to say the time and place - I'd better start thinking - it's not actually as easy as it sounds, cos I'm so bloody well known around here! Might have to go miles - but needs must, eh? For the overnighter though, he says he'll book in and I'll meet him - could even be home by eleven if I have to, cos it could actually be just down the road - do hotel staff have to sign a confidentiality clause? Should be ok I think - and hell, worth the risk I think. How wonderful, I may even have some decent sex to write about soon - wouldn't that be a nice change? And don't worry, I will be writing about it - probably won't shut up for weeks actually.

Yes, I've pretty much decided two is enough (well, it's still greedy, but hey) and to stick with those two. For the moment. And of course the continuing saga with the doc. But who knows where that's going. Actually got annoyed with me this week cos I knew his name - what?? You told me your name, what, six months ago!!! God. He's so completely paranoid, it's just ridiculous. But I do still like talking to him - he got snowed in with the family for a week - must have been hell. And couldn't get near a computer to have a chat. So I'm a pretty happy bunny today, hence the long post. Will be back tomorrow I expect for more of the same xxxx

Well, what a thought!

Talking to my colleague today - I'll swear she knows I'm up to something, honestly - and I think partly because her situation is very similar - maybe we can sniff each other out?? Anyway, talking about the habit in muslim countries for men to have up to four wives - well, I said, I could live with four husbands - how wonderful?? She agreed, but said she'd had this conversation with men from those countries, and they'd said, no, impossible, it would kill you! Well, I said, wouldn't bloody kill me, would be just about perfect ; and she agreed in no uncertain terms. I'm sure she guesses I'm up to something - she's just not sure what - not going to tell either! Some things are just best kept secret aren't they?

But then I thought, hey I could end up with four men here if I'm not careful (or if I'm lucky) - and honestly, why not?? If we're careful about health things, why not? Everything else is just society's moral crap in my opinion, and I'm not buying it any more. I mean, I can see the point when you've got small children, but now, well so what? It's my business and no one else's. I mean if the oh cared so much, he should have bloody well married me at some point over the last thirty years, shouldn't he??

Had such a nice day. The surveyor was gutted he couldn't meet me today, and stopped by the side of the road to try and contact me in case I was free - ah bless! Unfortunately, I wasn't. Shame. Actually was most probably having wonderful text sex with the sailor - haha!! You see what I mean? Gosh, he was absolutely wonderful today - bodes well for our meeting doesn't it? Anyhow, the surveyor sent me a message and may be on tonight. Hope so. Can I actually juggle all these men? It's getting like that film, Nine.

Actually waiting for the lovely businessman to reappear - mmm I thought I'd made a good impression there, but you never know what else is going on do you? Still, he does seem to often appear in the evenings. What is it about this guy? Am I actually so shallow that it is just money? No, I don't think butterflies are just to do with money. You know what, it occurred to me on the bus just how much like my oh he is - now where does that leave me psychologically??? I guess you always fancy the same types of guys though - no escaping it. Hope he appears tonight xxxxx

Foiled again!

Well, was planning a meet with the surveyor, but unfortunately he's got to go and survey something - never mind, goes with the territory. Had some nice chats with him this week though - very nice guy, just not sure if the chemistry will be there, you know? Still, you don't know till you try do you?

Also, a lovely looooong email from the sailor (my one and only) and he's got a plan how we can get together over the summer. Hmmm - I think it might work as well. I did write him a lovely long smutty email yesterday so hopefully he might find that a little motivating as well. It does look like we may have to meet in the week, but quite honestly I never take time off, so I expect I can swing it at work, so long as I don't overdo it. Excellent. Adore him, really. And dear god, he's never had a blow job. That wife of his just doesn't deserve him - or the money she gets to spend either. So looking forward to showing him what he's been missing - he's just too nice for words. I wonder if he can get away in a couple of weeks time - looks like I'm not working midweek - distinct possibilities I think?? He told me that I had been a revelation to him, as he'd never realised that women want men as much as vice versa. I told him, I thought perhaps I was a little unusual. And indeed most of my friends are quite happy to give it up completely - perhaps doing their duty at christmas when they're trolleyed. But then, I don't tell them what I'm up to - they probably think I'm like them - hahaha!

Also hoping my businessman may be in touch tonight - he's supposed to be back today. Golly, I like him - it's a bit scary isn't it?? Actually did a lesson about this today - internet dating - not the type I do though, haha. It really doesn't have the same embarrassment factor in other countries that it does here you know - and interestingly several students knew people who had met this way, and had been very successful. I really don't think they would have been impressed with my little carry on though, do you? But I'm intrigued about the whole chemistry of the thing - you do seem to get butterflies with certain people and not with others - why? - it's text for god's sake - how does that work? But I have to say, I've gone with my gut feelings most of the time so far, and it seems to be okay - we'll see. Off to see who's about now xxxxx

Oh My!!

Well, things continue to go well here - is the sap rising or what?? I'm quite possibly meeting the surveyor on friday, so will have to see how that goes. I'm not sure he's really my type, but he is very nice, so we'll see. Had a good chat last night, he really is very fun, but no way will he compromise his family at all, and honestly I can see why. I'm not really feeling the butterflies though, and yes I do know perhaps it's a bit weird and all on the internet, so I will meet up with him and see.

But, well, my goodness the other guy seems to be really doing it for me - what is going on here?? We're chatting on the bloody internet, how can there be this much chemistry going on? I told him last night, that I have a really good feeling about him and me, and he said he felt the same - omg!! But why, how can that be?? Peculiar, but maybe I shouldn't knock it. He said how do you like it - so I said, well sometimes slow and sensual, sometimes fast, you know - and he said I like to use my tongue - god, god, god. Well, I've been thinking about that particular thing all day, I can tell you - and also at rather inopportune moments - haha. Still, he's away for a day or so, so time to calm down. We're going to meet for coffee we said - he said, shall I have it brought up to the room or what?? Oh my goodness. Golly moses. Too good to be true? We shall see. And I don't need to feel so guilty at all with him - he doesn't even live with anyone - it just seems to be an arrangement with a lady who lives nearby. Well, foolish girl.

Talked to the sailor of course - he's so sweet and I'm not about to give him up you know - I think we keep each other sane really. And honestly who knows about these other guys. He's a sweetie, and has some very well developed fantasies - yum - maybe we can make them come true soon - just waiting for the good weather and the chance to go sailing. xxxx

What lovely men!

Well, my friends, I've been contacted by two new men - and both of them look really really promising. Golly. One is a surveyor - hmm - very much a family man and seems very nice. We're quite possibly meeting up this week - well, it's looking good at the moment. He had a bit of an affair last year, but apparently she got far too attached, and he chickened out. Well, I can understand - he has a young son, and two older stepsons, so a lot to lose. But very experienced at all this, and with getting away with it all. Fun to chat with as well - witty, and sparky, you know.

My goodness, though, the other one. Well, isn't it odd - we haven't met, well I've seen his photo - very distinguished looking - but I couldn't get the stupid grin off my face after. Well, I had to try, you know, but wow, I mean wow. What exactly was it that pressed my buttons? I'm really not sure you know - he thinks I'm lovely which sure helps - but it was more than that I think. And my goodness, he owns three companies. Dear god, what am I doing?? He has a ladyfriend, but she doesn't live with him (and leaves something to be desired in the bedroom - his words, not mine). Well, she doesn't stand a chance does she? Grown up children, and just such a gentleman. And he loves the sea and reading history books. Well, I just want to eat him alive. Maybe when we meet it'll just be dull as dishwater, but really, I don't think so. He is also very clever I think - you know very quickly when someone is on the internet, don't you? Well, I was hoping he might be around tonight, but no such luck as yet.

Also had a nice, if short chat with the sailor. He's cheered up immensely in the warmer weather, and is back to his lovely smutty self. Goodness me, how am I going to keep up with all these men? What a terrible dilemma - and isn't life wonderful???

Well, aren't I popular??

Hey, what an interesting evening and day I've had. Will have to go back to work for a rest, methinks. I've met two new guys on the site - both really nice, nice looking and like the look of me. Wow! I think one is online now, so I'm looking out for him, the other said we would talk this evening. Well, lucky me. I'd pretty much lost interest in the site to be honest, and as I said before, my libido took a beating in the cold weather. But then, it has revived in this spring-like sunshine - so maybe that's what happened to the guys as well?

Did get a lovely, lovely email from my sailor yesterday though. And I honestly will never give up on him you know. It's just so hard though isn't it? Hey ho, what's a girl to do? And it's well over seven weeks since I had any action at home - and honestly that wasn't anything to write home about. Cruel but true. One of my new guys said to me, it takes two to make a problem - well, I'm not sure I agree, certainly not with this sort of problem, you know? I said, well, it sure takes two to solve it though, and I've been the only one trying for a long time - to which he said fair enough. And actually, shouldn't someone actually document the extent of this problem? It is a problem and it is something of an epidemic. And if people are unhappy, then surely it's worth some government money?? Well, I think so.

Also, read something today about what a waste of time and effort guilt is - hey, just what I want to hear! I actually do agree - but it's also about taking responsibility for your actions isn't it? Do what you want to do, but don't whine about it. And actually, what a horrid, puritanical emotion it is, isn't it? Just designed to keep us all in line i think. Anyway, my chap is online. Wish me luck xxxx

Getting better all the time!

Well, I feel so much better again today!! I mean in myself, not the body, cos I think I might be getting a cold, but that's by the by. Just feel optimistic and cheerful and not ground down by the cold and beastliness and so forth. Just got paid as well, which was a nice surprise (more than I expected!). So, making some holes in the beastly debts (sorry, but they really are), and maybe some little treats.

Didn't manage our regular friday afternoon, me and the sailor, but did have a nice afternoon out instead, which, hey ho, you do have to do now and then to maintain some sort of working relationship, don't you. And today, the sun is out, and I'm getting organised, and tidying up, and planning. Going to definitely book a slot in spain for later in the year. I had a really good look at the finances, and sooner is not really going to happen. But will be perfect in september, which is usually when I really need a break. The doc thinks I'm only going so I can seduce spanish businessmen, which is definitely a bonus isn't it? But I probably won't if I'm honest. I do have enough on my plate without a love-sick spaniard as well - but who knows - definitely not ruling anything out these days.

Missed the doc last night - dammit - but not a bad thing really. He needs to know I'm not at his beck and call I think - but would have loved to speak to him. Maybe over the weekend - actually, sunday afternoon is becoming our regular spot, so perhaps then? My ulterior motive with spain of course, is for it to become a regular thing so that I can sneak off with him as well - hoho. See my planning??

I have also got a photo from a rather distinguished looking gent who is new to the site. Hmmmm - very nice - can I handle any more complications? - and more to the point, can I be bothered, as so often lately I have not been what they were looking for. Not a lot of effort to send a photo though I suppose is it? And he does sound nice. Maybe just one more. How awful I am - honestly - I keep wondering what my mother would say - you never really get past that do you. However, knowing a bit of the family history, especially the injection of american genes during WW2, I wonder if I'm just doomed to be a bit of a slapper?? But actually, who cares?

Did my 'fine' on facebook as well today. The thing is this - you get fined an amount for every naughty thing you've ever done. Was actually quite shocked how high mine was - but was daughter's was nearly double mine!! Looks like I have some catching up to do guys. Wish me luck! xxxxx

Spring???

Wow, I was miserable yesterday - but I think it really was the low ebb before the tide turned. Feeling so much better today - there was sunshine and it was absolutely beautiful - little pockets of mist on the fields - wonderful. Also, a couple of nice messages from my sailor xxxx You'll remember we curtailed our possible adventure this week - which actually was just as well with the weather I think, and also the fact I am now suffering from the monthly beastliness. He reckons he's talking in his sleep though - oh dear - wonder what he's saying??

Also, got a rather nice and unexpected message from a very nice sounding man - a businessman! Well - thinks we could be very compatible - and he's still got hair! Well, I wrote back saying, hey what more could a girl want - get in touch! Similar to myself in that he's quite settled, but no sex. Good lord, though - this is really an epidemic isn't it? I really had no idea before I started this. Honestly, if you read the papers you get the impression that everyone's at it - all day!! But in fact, it seems to be the opposite doesn't it? Maybe that's what makes it so difficult when it happens to you. God know, I know how hard done by I felt when it all faded away - and something of a failure to if I'm honest. I really and truthfully think that these guys are actually saving my relationship - I know it sounds mad, but I don't think I'd have lasted the year. No. My self esteem was buggered and I really didn't see the point any more - I can imagine people might do mad things in similar situations, cos I did almost feel that bad.

The good thing is, I don't feel like that any more. Yes, I've had a few knock backs - but you just have to be philosophical. I'm just not their type or whatever - their loss. Strangely I still have the first two guys I spoke to - lucky me - mad isn't it? Anyway, might log on and see if this new guy is about - sod being faithful to anyone ever again, that's my new motto - born again slapper, that's me. Well, I do have a few years to catch up on. Take care, and hope you all feel as optimistic as me today xxxx

January Blues?

Is anyone else feeling as though they're waiting for the world to start up again? Honestly, this weather - just seem to be doing nothing but sitting in the house or going to work - beastly. It's not doing great things for my sex drive or any other drive come to that - please, go away, let us get warm for once, and my enthusiasm for life come back.

Having said that, I am enjoying work at the moment - not the journey though - ugh. And I've been writing again, which I really do enjoy, but have trouble starting sometimes. But once I do start, it's hard to stop, madly.

It's strange though, how little I feel like being naughty in this weather - and honestly, this is not like me. I just can't bear the thought of traipsing off anywhere - whereas normally I'd be thinking the journey was kind of romantic. Maybe I'm just a little premenstrual, or maybe I just need to see daylight once in a while.

Next thing I need to do is get a camera phone. My sailor would really like to send photos - hey, why not - just like the teenagers. haha. So we will. Soon. But hey, I'd rather meet up on your boat.

And where is the doc? Not around sunday, which was unusual. Maybe later. xxx

New Possibilities?

Well, as you know, I have been talking to an awful lot of men - and some are better than others - and yes you have to be careful and all that. But I think I have narrowed it down to the ones I want to talk to and I shan't bother with any others. Why would I? So I now have a new mobile number - my scouse footie fan - hmmm what should I do with that? He is great fun to talk to, but no great looker - but does that matter that much - probably not. He's not fat, and he doesn't need a bag over his head. Ok.

I do like talking to him so much - even though he's not really like my other guys - but perhaps a bit more what I'm used to? And he is really good fun. There's a lot of guys online from really remote places - like dubai - and while it is quite entertaining, well what's the point? You know?

So I'm thinking really hard about this - cos it could be really good. He has got kids though, and I'm not really up for taking that on, you know. But a bit of fun could be just what the doctor ordered. Will have a think about this.

Meanwhile, had a big big row with the oh yesterday. Well, not so much a row. More of a don't speak to me like that cos I don't like it. I think he saw my point of view in the end. It's hard though, cos when we used to row, we would end up sorting it out in bed, and that just doesn't happen now, sadly.

You know, we do live together well most of the time. It may sound strange, but that's exactly what I mean. I just miss the sex so much, so much. He does know, I've told him many times. He's just not really willing to do anything about it. Going to the doctor and so on was really just to keep me quiet I think. And as I've said before, viagra doesn't work in a drawer. But with that out of the equation, things are pretty good. But when I really start thinking about it, I don't want to live without sex for the rest of my natural life, and I honestly don't think it's fair. So that's why I really really don't feel bad about what I'm doing - it just feels like redressing the balance a bit. But then, I haven't actually done the deed yet. But apparently some men feel that what I have done - all that talking and cybersex and stuff - is actually worse. How can that be? It certainly isn't as good - so its not fair to be punished more for doing that, is it? Still, life really isn't fair is it?

Weather?

The weather seems to have taken over my life - it's just too much - it's so ghastly and horrid it feels like everything is on hold until this dreadful cold has gone. Dreadfully, me and my sailor could possibly have gotten away for a night next week - but the forecast is for more dreadfulness and we could both see we might well get stuck somewhere. Wonderful as that may have been, it would still have been damned difficult to explain - especially as I wouldn't have been there - haha. So, plans on hold for the moment - and honestly can't be too enthusiastic about traipsing around on trains and things at the moment. Getting to work is bad enough. Although perhaps I should be glad I'm working - plenty are not at the moment.

Have another plan which seems to be gaining momentum, which is to work for myself - giving me lots of time and opportunity for mischief as well methinks! It's right, you know, if you let people know things, then they kind of do the work for you. Just got to get some cards printed so I look professional, and I'll be away. I do think working for yourself is the way to go, you know. Got to think of myself. Wouldn't it be nice to retire early and be a young grandmother with time on her hands - spend lots of time doing what I want for a change! That's the dream, anyway.

Also had a lovely, lovely chat with the doc - about some quite intellectual stuff actually - well, he's always saying we should talk about something else - not just sex. Was really fun - he was in a good mood and was really good company. You know, I may just stick to those two and no one else. I've been dabbling with other guys, but these two are very special and I feel like we have a bond - which may be a bit crazy, but it is different. I don't really feel that with the other guys. It says something for the website, though doesn't it. Illicit encounters is really full of nice men - although maybe I've been specially lucky.

So, going to snuggle up by the fire and do some knitting - like a real grandmother - cos even I can't think about sex all day. Although the plans for the summer are coming along nicely (pardon the expression) and I think I may be taking up sailing and sailors in a big way. Don't you love it when a plan comes together ( omg - leave the metaphors alone already!!) See you xxxxx

Very very exciting!!

Well, my horoscope said I might get a letter and it may lead to the chance of travel and a new job!! What actually happened is that the sailor sent me an email - and wants me to slope off for the night with him, so that's the travel I guess, and as for the job - well! I suppose the chance to become a slut for the night - yum yum.

So the next question is, am I working next week, and if I am can I get friday off - yes, I expect so. It's all a bit scary and exciting, but I must admit I do feel a bit less inclined in this horribly cold weather - how unromantic of me, I mean Anna Karenina managed it in Russia, didn't she. There's also the possible financial constraints, as in I'm skint - and I'm not about to ask for the train fare, thank you!!

So, I've said I'll sleep on it - tempting though, isn't it?? Of course. And it might really happen - gosh! But it does make you believe in horoscopes a little more, doesn't it??

Got a bit of a nasty knock back last night as well - well, I wasn't really interested in him that way, I just liked talking to him - so maybe it was fair enough really. Still hurt though - and I've had it done to me, it's not very nice. Note to self, don't lead men on! Hope that's not what I'm doing here - not to the poor sailor. But then, no sex since beginning of december, and no good sex for considerably longer than that - so it's a no-brainer really, isn't it??

Off to think on this anyway, xxxx

New Year

Not feeling particularly great this morning - but was cheered up immensely by the photo Tom had posted on 'The Edge of Vanilla' - I'm afraid I just wanted to rub my face in his chest. I do get quite horny when I'm tired and hungover, which is a bit peculiar, isn't it? Had a lovely flirtatious night last night - oh never ever notices if I talk to other men which is very trusting - but then I probably wouldn't go there so close to home if I'm honest.

A strange thing, though. On the way home, we came across two, yes two, couples having sex in the street. Now, I've never seen this before, ever, even once. But twice in one night, that's just mad, isn't it?? Now, I know it was late, and yes, I guess there wasn't many people around, but it was minus two degrees!! And if I'm very honest, I was a little jealous - it's been a long time since I had an outdoor adventure - but maybe not that long until I do again!

I heard from both my favourite men last night, which was so nice. Managed to talk to the doc before I went out, and got a text from the sailor - how nice they were both thinking of me. And I guess I'll hear a lot more from both of them soon now the holiday is nearly over.

Also had a couple of really interesting conversations with close friends - the upshot of this is that both are thinking of ending their relationships for different reasons. Doesn't it seem that christmas makes you feel like that. Interestingly for me, I've quite enjoyed myself this year. I have no expectations of the oh - and that part of my life is now elsewhere - at least partly. So things were a lot more relaxed. I was almost tempted to tell one friend to do what I'm doing, but self preservation won out in the end - even despite the drunkenness!! I still feel tempted though to call it a day - but there are still good things here for me - not least is the shared history. And as I say, he is rather getting on, so it seems a bit cruel.

Still, onwards into the new year, and lots more adventures waiting for me. I did hear about a friend of the same age as me whose husband has run away with a younger woman - she couldn't even be bothered to come out for new year - well if you give up like that, what possible attraction would you have for a man. The really interesting thing is that they were involved with the local wife-swapping group for many years, but I guess it did for them in the end!! A salutary tale perhaps, but also a lesson not to be old before your time. No chance of me doing that I think - I still think I'm 18. See you soon and I think we all hope next year will be better for us all, don't we???