A New Man?

Been a bit fed up for a few days - you know - just working to keep the oh and all that and precious little thanks - the usual. Yes, I've been talking to my sailor, but who knows about that - I think we may well get together in November but my god I could die from frustration before that happens, couldn't I? So in the spirit of cheering myself up, I went back on the site, and sent someone a virtual kiss. Well, I didn't know it was instant or I probably wouldn't have done it, but it was - oops. So, he turned out to be very nice, and 46 which sounds good. And very interested!! So been emailing him a bit, and it's very nice and distracting - just what I need. Oh I think is really quite down in the dumps - and doesn't seem to realise I don't want to hear him moaning when I've just come in from work - talk about role reversal lol.

Was also thinking about age and time passing and all that sort of thing this week - and really not trying to be too morbid about it - I thought to myself, hey, oh is 64, how much longer do you think he's actually going to be around? Especially with all the smoking. Well, I do sometimes wish I had a crystal ball, don't you? You know, if it was 20 years, well I'd honestly think twice, but hell, he could be dead by christmas, couldn't he? In which case, if I walked out, I'd feel terrible. But honestly I do want to hang in there if I can for DD's sake, and the family and everything, but he does make me feel old sometimes. Terrible isn't it - but I don't think I'm quite ready to be old yet, you know?

Was also talking to a colleague today - who is younger than me - about dirty dancing - isn't that a great film and so on. Well, talk about shot down in flames - she's obviously too fucking intellectual to actually have fun or anything, cos she wouldn't watch a film like that with no social message apparently - what is she 110 or what? So I got to thinking, am I just immature, or youthful, or is it actually the same thing? Maybe I spend so much time with younger people, I just have a young outlook or something. Jesus, shoot me please if I ever get so bloody blinkered and pedantic. But you know, sometimes I think it will happen if I stay here - maybe it's partly my job - yes the one that's so bloody boring. May eventually have to go for the sake of my life expectancy.

So rant over today - had some wickedly filthy texts yesterday, but getting a bit impatient now. Why did I do all this - cos I want to have an affair!!! And it's not happening!! Well, I guess we have that date in November, but it seems so far away. Maybe the doctor will call tonight - thursday is often his night. Hopeful. xxxxx