Feeling neglected!

Well, I've been feeling a bit neglected, as you know. But the antidote may be in sight, as my boytoy is sending me his photo tomorrow - very exciting. Yes, I know I'm greedy and I also know I have three men on the go, but I haven't actually slept with any of them yet, have I? And don't worry, if all goes well, that will be happening very soon!

Now this new guy sounds very promising - he's very considerate, has no kids or anything and sounds like he's also loaded (what is going on here - a theme I think?). Well, I like the sound of him, so I'll be greedy if I want. Also, feeling very frustrated, so what the hell - maybe he'll come up with the goods as it were.

Heard from the sailor today - been busy, blah blah blah oh, and daughter and so forth. Well, I thought you'd gone off the whole idea, I said. I must say I expected a bit more of an enthusiastic response to my tastefully naughty pics, but I don't think he's been well this week. Still, we expect more next week, don't we?

Also heard from my slave (oh, isn't this fun) who misses laying at my royal feet. Just what a girl needs after a hard day. Wonder if any of my men would be up for it?? xxx

Quiet Day

Well, got to work and it turned out I had a bit of free time, which was lovely, cos I'm always chasing my tail normally. Obviously went to check the email when no one was around. Two messages - lovely - from two different men. I'm so lucky. Really, aren't I??

So heard from the sailor who didn't email yesterday at all. Hmmm. Not happy. Said he had this that and the other problem at home. Still. Don't want him to think I'm desperate, but was a bit miffed - I'm used to the attention now - so a cool classy message went duly off.

Also heard from the new guy (36!!) - and despite his terrible spelling (I must stop being such a snob about this) he does sound really nice. And quite honestly, it seems to be the people with the least education who are making the most money these days doesn't it - not that I don't blame the state of british education for failing a huge percentage of the people who have survived it. It does seem to me that a lot of people really do better financially living by their wits to some extent, rather than doing the old academic two-step. I know I'm not doing all that great despite all my hard work. Rant over.

So, he does sound nice. Feels a bit bored with life though. No kids and a successful business to run. I guess it must seem a bit pointless at times. He said he thought he should be happy as his life was stress free - well, I said sometimes you need stress to make you feel alive, don't you? I'm sure that's true. Quite intrigued he has no kids - just a dog apparently - and really doesn't want to leave his wife. Promising though, I think, if only that my mouth is watering at the thought of all that stamina. So, does he sleep with his wife or what - maybe find out tomorrow - I'm thinking something is lacking - if she was shagging him stupid, he probably wouldn't be talking to me, would he.

So, back tomorrow with an update I hope. Hopefully a little more attention from my sailor. And some more about the intriguing boytoy. And if I'm really lucky, might hear from the doc - my first love xxxx

Poor man!

Well, got a nice long call last night from the lovely doctor: it seems his wife has lost it and thrown him out - well almost - it's just become impossible. Poor man. So he's being hyper-careful she doesn't get wind of me - might mean a more expensive divorce. So want to go and cheer him up. He asked if I still wanted him - I said damn right - we have just got to make a plan and do it, haven't we? It'll be worth it. He's so lovely. What's up with these women, neglecting all these lovely men, I just don't get it? Hope he calls again soon, cos I'm a bit worried about him. And he works much too hard. But I said, maybe it'll be easier to see each other if that's the way things are? Always looking on the bright side, you see.

Also, got quite an enthusiastic message ('darling') from my new, young prospect. Gosh. He's sent his email and mobile and wants to send a photo. He hasn't found anyone on the site at all - are decent women that hard to find on there? Anyway, quite turned on by the thought of a 36 year old. Good god, all that stamina without an outlet. Sounds wonderful, and he's an ex-rugby player. Droooooool. Sorry, not too lady-like, but my goodness. Don't know whether to call or play it cool. Hmmm.

Also, heard from the sailor, but he's not too well - I told him to get better by november xxxx and he laughed. And still reading the gold-digging book. You know, it does make a lot of sense to me, and hell, not just cos my finances are fucked. I do think my oh is suffering from a lack of manliness partly due to the lack of earning power - now I didn't think this mattered, but it obviously does - hence me on here!! Plus, if I was actually gold-digging, I'm actually not doing badly at it, am I?? I mean, I've got a doctor and two guys with their own businesses and counting. Maybe I missed my vocation - but the book also says it's never too late, cos apparently lots of rich guys looooove older women, cos they don't seem to be after their money, or to nail them down with a family: so it's really food for thought isn't it? Especially with the sailor and the doc both hovering on the brink of divorce - and my new guy has no kids (thank god, was a bit worried when I found out his age - no, can't really countenance someone with young kids - I'm not a complete bitch). And honestly, plenty of people do it and live happily ever after, don't they - and it's not as if I have small kids any more. Don't know, but it's all very appealing - swanning around having massages and getting shagged rotten - what a life. xxxxxxx So I'm avidly reading the advice on how to catch a rich man - all good advice I think - perhaps could do better with the grooming aspect, so will work on that!! Always a good thing anyway. See you tomorrow x

I have a slave!

Well, I was really getting a bit fed up, so I did a couple of mad things. The first thing I did was take some naughty pictures of myself - this might be really easy if you're a contortionist. But I'd read up on literotica how to do it, and felt quite inspired. So I went all artistic and muzzy (not difficult when you've got a shit camera) and did some shots in the bath (bubbles) and out (towel covering bulgy bits). I thought they ended up looking quite fab. I didn't show more than a nipple, but I do have fabulous tits, so I thought they had to be promoted a bit. Anyway, I rarely get much mail on sunday from my sailor, but I did today. Very appreciative. So might try again. Black lace this time I think.

The other mad thing I did was to go on IMVU - well it's like a virtual reality site - I quite like dressing up my avatar - she's gorgeous. And I go on a book group - its quite fun, but I've not really got that much into it yet. Well, I started talking to this guy from new jersey about his girlfriend and the stuff she makes him do. He's her slave, and he wants to be my virtual slave too. Well, okay. I was a bit taken aback at first, you know, but my goodness it's quite exhilarating. He was kissing my feet and everything - he likes to lie at my feet while I sit on a throne. Fab. If only it was real. Fun though. He wants to sleep on the floor at the foot of my bed, and put all his salary into my account (I don't think that bit's real though, do you?) Quite fun, and my god I got quite turned on. I always thought I was a bit submissive if anything, but hell I could get used to this I thought. Will report back how it goes on.

Have also been reading a very interesting book called 'Smart girls marry for money' - very intriguing. Definitely struck a chord in these financially trying times. To paraphrase, it said are you pushing 50 and still working your guts out while the girls who are thick but beautiful have nothing to do all day but shop and get massages. Well, yes I am. Really makes you think, doesn't it? We've all been shafted haven't we - all this having it all really means doing every-bloody-thing doesn't it? Well, it certainly feels that way to me. Food for thought certainly - and for the future? More tomorrow. xxxxx

Terrible!

Well, everybody's ill, the economy's still in the toilet, the weather's awful, and my financial state just gets worse and worse. Terrific. You know, I work so hard, and I try all the time to pay off all this flaming debt and all it seems to get me is more threatening letters - and my god they are horrible sometimes. The best one I had was so comic book villain that I just had to laugh, get this 'your continued efforts to elude payment have been in vain' - just who do they think they are, some moustache twirling villain in a black and white movie??? So, anyway, feeling a bit off as quite honestly I just seem to be killing myself just to stand still sometimes. But I'm sure I'm not the only one, am I??

No news from my doctor at all - he seemed a bit off when I last spoke to him I thought. But we shall see. Would really be up for going to see him you know - mad isn't it - cos I've never even seen a photo of him. Nuts, what am I like?? My sailor is sick - you know, manflu - and added to which, his wife is still driving him barmy. Not good at all, I think. I seem to always be working - and then I come home and everyone's just lying around sleeping and doing fuck all. Nice. I think I need to do some more new things to liven myself up. Hmmm - had a message or two from a 36 year old on the site - what a yummy thought. Not bothered about my age (I know ahem) so sounds quite interesting. Trouble is, his spelling is just appalling, and I know it's a terrible prejudice, but I can't quite get past that. He says he's built like a rugby player, which sounds quite delicious, so maybe I'll send him another message - or one of my naughty photos. Yes, I'm working on it. That might liven me up - need to start living dangerously again.

And don't forget - just over two weeks to go - god will actually be having sex again - with someone new - it doesn't get better than that, does it? Perhaps with a rugby player in his thirties could be better though, couldn't it? See you xxxx

Camera!

Well, I've got the camera, and I've read up on how to take erotic shots of yourself - so just got to have a go now, don't I? I have to say I think my sailor needs cheering up and this could be just what he needs to liven him up - just so long as I don't look like a beached whale - you know what I mean? So, going to have a fiddle.

He's told me he's having a trying time at the moment because his oh is coming off antidepressants - doesn't sound like a good idea at all to me, but not my problem ultimately. He says she's being very weird - which sounds about right, doesn't it? I did ask him if that was why she had no sex drive, and he thought yes - maybe that's why she's coming off them? Could be out the window if I'm not careful. Hmmmm. I still think he'd rather sleep with her, but she's just messed him around for so long it's done his head in. Crazily, I'd rather he didn't sleep with her and that I had him all to myself.

You know, I was thinking at the weekend - this is what I've heard 'other women' complain about all these years - how you're always lonely on weekends and holidays. I never hear from my men on holidays or weekends, and yes I do feel a bit lonely. Oh is usually either in the pub or asleep. So not much fun. And I know it's really daft, but I can't help thinking oh, maybe he'll leave her and decide he can't live without me thing. I guess we all just want to be wanted don't we? Cos in reality I don't think I want that; or do I???? Puzzling.

Sexy Men!

You know, I'm just thinking what a wonderful thing it is that you can get in touch with all these sexy men via the website. All these sexy men who are otherwise going to waste for one reason and another. Isn't it a terrible thing? I mean, it is a bit of a cliche that women get boring in the bedroom once they're married, but actually it seems to be true doesn't it? It does seem to me also that there's more men than women on the site, so that would imply also that men are generally more interested in sex than women, wouldn't it?

I know, I know, not mine. But there we are. I'm just unlucky, aren't I? Although, we did have sex a couple of days ago, but very quick, not at all sexy, and not very satisfying for me at all. Does that count? Not sure. I think we're averaging something like every eight weeks, which means we're officially a sexless marriage, doesn't it? The definition is less than eight times a year. Depressing isn't it? Although it's not strictly no sex, it's actually even more frustrating to just get a little, unsatisfying taste, and know that's it for weeks. Dear God, how have I stood it this long. Lots of self help that's how.

A couple of lovely messages this week from my sailor. Wants me to take photos for him, so I've been reading up on how to do that on a website called literotica - wonderful site - it was quite inspiring. So I'm going to try. Might be a bit hit and miss at first, but we'll see. Amazing the number of first times I've been doing things lately.

Well, bad news as well. Nearly went to Spain for the first time as you know. Well, I honestly had to decline, because I just can't afford it. Now, it's really cheap to get there, but even so, at the moment I just can't justify missing work for a week. Maybe in the spring when there's not so much work. Will have to get some money put aside. Maybe meet one of those dishy spaniards. I had a look at their website, and the englishmen who go are of a certain age - well, we know that's my type too, don't we? Not that any of them looked remotely hot, but you never know? May also be married men out for no strings, which would be perfect. So i've postponed, but I really hope that won't stop them asking me again.

So tomorrow's monday, when I usually hear from the sailor again - looking forward to that. But not heard too much from the doc after the call in the week. But......did get a bit of interest from a really lovely sounding man on the site - a widower - very promising. Sounds very distinguished - and not that far away. Plus, with no oh on the horizon, could make things a whole lot easier, couldn't it? I'm quite intrigued - we'll see. xxxxxxx

Sex on a Boat

Quite and inspiring title I thought! He did tell me a while ago that one of his big regrets was not having had sex on his boat. Well I'm only too happy to help. Very exciting - and it has a shower - yummy. Have been dealing with more financial crap today, so I definitely need something to cheer me up. Just wish I could afford to buy loads of naughty underwear and stuff - though I have been buying some lately. Isn't money just crap? You think you're getting somewhere then, bang - back down again.

He sent me a text at lunchtime, but looks like he got bogged down with work again, cos hasn't called back. Maybe he'll be around at the weekend. He's so naughty - wants to try some things even I haven't done - absolutely up for it with him, cos he makes me feel so safe - and how mad is that? I mean I don't hardly know him do I? Mind you, I probably know him better than most people going to bed for the first time, because of all the long texts and emails. Strange business this, isn't it? I've been to bed with people I've barely spoken to before - this does feel so much better. Goodness I can't wait. So exciting. Better start thinking up a damn good excuse.

You know, I had a strange conversation at work today. I did wonder a while ago - I was looking at my emails and the girl who works in the office looked over my shoulder and I thought she must have seen my messages from the site - you know, married dating and all that. Well, she's not stupid, but that was a long time ago. Well, today we were talking about stuff and my colleague (and good friend actually) asked me if I'd ever been unfaithful to my husband. I said, not yet, but then I wouldn't tell you if I had would I? I asked her if she had, and she said no, but who knows what life has in store? Interesting, hmmm? Maybe they've been talking about me. Must be careful - though they would no way tell oh. xxxxxx

Exciting News!!

Well, it's all very exciting!! Me and my sailor are going to meet up and go on his boat for an evening of passion and naughtiness. How wonderful. You know if he does it once, then he'll probably do it again, won't he?

Bless him, he's really spooked about going to a hotel, and I know he was worried about going to the boat, but I guess in the dark it won't be quite so dangerous will it? Romantic, I think. Well it's also the date I was supposed to go to Spain, and honestly was thinking of putting that off anyway, cos there's so much work on at the moment, so I think that's the best thing to do. I can get them to give me a date in the new year, hopefully. Will not cost too much, so still want to go, just not to give up a week's work for it.

My sailor also wants me to send some photos, which I really must be brave and do. I know he won't be horrible, he's so lovely and say I look fat or something. And maybe he'll send me one too!! God, I wish I'd kept that sometimes, but I did promise, didn't I? Maybe if they're not too explicit I'll feel happier - how about in the bath or something I thought. Will try it out at the weekend I think. And some of the new undies - kinky. God I just can't wait, I really can't. And the other good thing is no period to worry about, cos the dates are perfect - must remember the condoms though. Hope I don't forget in the rush - no, he'll look after me, I know it. I'm actually shaking a little bit as I write - wow - I would never have thought that all this extra marital naughtiness would be quite so wonderful. And I have to say in all honesty, that I've always been against it really - you know, all that if you're not happy you should leave bullshit. Well, there we are. So glad I decided to be a bit more flexible. Be good xxxxxxx

Time Passes

Well, time marches on doesn't it? No sex since september 27th - so nearly three weeks - timing things much more since I've been writing it down - I wonder if that's a good idea really. A couple of things to report. Spoke to the lovely doctor - I do like him - but not for too long. That's it, leave him wanting more! Was nice though, but I'm really tired tonight and feeling a bit pissed off if I'm honest. And life doesn't seem to have anything great in store for me at the moment - just a load of crap to sort out. There we are. Enjoyed talking to him though.

I've found things have slowed down an awful lot with both men - might have to wake them both up soon - how?? Also got two emails from the sailor - lovely - he was on his boat yesterday. You won't believe this - his oh told their daughter never to settle for no sex in a relationship !!!! Oh the irony! I feel like telling him that he should listen to her sometimes. He's so nice though - couldn't be that cruel. I know he feels like he's doing the right thing keeping the home and business together for the daughter. And I do think there's a fair bit of money involved here. I do hope he doesn't think I'm after it - can see the attraction and all that, but it's really not my motivation - do like him so much. I have a chance to go to spain - hurrah - but will it be at the same time my sailor is free?? Would fate be that cruel? Probably. We shall see - tomorrow if I'm lucky.

Saw an old friend of mine last night - she's a lesbian with such a lovely girlfriend. Made me really think - they're so happy - it seems so uncomplicated - wish I could in some ways - but you know me by now - just a dirty little man toy really. Love them, just love them. God, I need to have some sex soon - is wanting it more than once every six weeks greedy? I'm so confused - just need it. Man, how easy it would be if I was an animal cos they don't agonise about all this stuff - just go get what they need. Think I'm going bonkers sometimes. See you later xxx

Sex Free Zone!

Well my dears, another weekend nearly over, and no sex for little me. Managed to get a nice cuddle by begging, but that's all. Sad. Still, otherwise a nice weekend, and been out in the lovely autumn weather kicking leaves around and picking things (this week, chestnuts!). Had a couple of sneaky messages from my sailor, but obviously it's difficult for him. Nice he's thinking about me though, isn't it?

I do sometimes have attacks of conscience, particularly when I'm having such a nice time with the oh, and people treat us like we're the ideal couple and all that. Well, we are outwardly I suppose. But then you do never really know what's going on do you? I think honestly that he's really happy with the way things are - although he does get frustrated sometimes, but that's because he isn't working and stuff and not because he wants sex lol!!!

We were out walking when I got a message from the sailor, and it seemed really surreal - and not a little deceptive. Which it is, isn't it? But then I do have to think of my sanity, you know - and I can honestly say I've felt so much more alive and appreciated since I've had my men that I definitely wouldn't go back now. But then I wonder, what would people think? I live in such a small town, and I'm sure everyone thinks I'm like some sort of saint - how boring. Really, they would be shocked. Just have to make sure they don't find out!

So no contact from the doctor - despite promising a chat over the weekend. I've decided I need to make things a little more difficult for him, so won't always be available! Will do him good. He drives me crazy sometimes. Maybe I should blow him out - no he's too much fun. And fun is something I need desperately at the moment due to severe financial crap. Mind you, I'm making headway in that direction as well - partly because I'm selling nearly everything that's not nailed down on ebay - and making a tidy profit as well, I can tell you!!

I also heard from Spain as well today - and it sounds like they want me to go although they haven't made a firm offer yet. So will need some money for that as well - but obviously not much as it's not really a job - just need fares and stuff - but wouldn't like to go off to Spain with no money. Well, I know that will drive the doc mad - he said he didn't want me to do it, cos he knew I'd end up sleeping with the Spanish men - yum - well, I might, but don't tell him ( or the oh, lol). Definitely possibilities there I think, don't you???? xxxx

Hurrah!

Well, my dears, the lovely doctor's back and will be calling today I expect. Had a lovely chat on thursday, but had to cut it short - will do him good anyway. I did miss him. I love my sailor, but he's not so funny.
He told me he had been bugging my computer and knew what I'd been up to - well I know these games now, so I said well, you're obviously going to track down all my men and murder them - which made him laugh. He's always talking about no strings and so forth, but he's actually very possessive and bossy - which I quite like. He did say how about coming over - and I said I'd been thinking of that - well, he said, you know the rules - yes of course. Trouble is, because he's a doctor, he's so bloody well known, it's going to be hard in his home town - but I can't see any other way, cos he's so busy all the time. Well, I'm not that bothered about 'all that romance shite' as he calls it, so that's fine.
Also been fixing up this voluntary thing in spain - which if it comes off gives me another excuse not to be here, doesn't it? And there's a couple of courses coming up -= got to get people used to me not being here.
Bit worried about my sailor today - he sounded really down - must get that camera working and take some pictures for him - he's very easy to please - he is quite a dirty little sod though - really quite promising - I guess that's partly through not having any for what, eighteen years. You know, his wife threatened to kill herself if he left - what an odd relationship - did she really think it could go on like that forever? And why doesn't she leave if she doesn't fancy him any more? Methinks money, don't you?? Worry about him though - and where will I fit in? Or not? Be good xxxxxx

A New Man?

Been a bit fed up for a few days - you know - just working to keep the oh and all that and precious little thanks - the usual. Yes, I've been talking to my sailor, but who knows about that - I think we may well get together in November but my god I could die from frustration before that happens, couldn't I? So in the spirit of cheering myself up, I went back on the site, and sent someone a virtual kiss. Well, I didn't know it was instant or I probably wouldn't have done it, but it was - oops. So, he turned out to be very nice, and 46 which sounds good. And very interested!! So been emailing him a bit, and it's very nice and distracting - just what I need. Oh I think is really quite down in the dumps - and doesn't seem to realise I don't want to hear him moaning when I've just come in from work - talk about role reversal lol.

Was also thinking about age and time passing and all that sort of thing this week - and really not trying to be too morbid about it - I thought to myself, hey, oh is 64, how much longer do you think he's actually going to be around? Especially with all the smoking. Well, I do sometimes wish I had a crystal ball, don't you? You know, if it was 20 years, well I'd honestly think twice, but hell, he could be dead by christmas, couldn't he? In which case, if I walked out, I'd feel terrible. But honestly I do want to hang in there if I can for DD's sake, and the family and everything, but he does make me feel old sometimes. Terrible isn't it - but I don't think I'm quite ready to be old yet, you know?

Was also talking to a colleague today - who is younger than me - about dirty dancing - isn't that a great film and so on. Well, talk about shot down in flames - she's obviously too fucking intellectual to actually have fun or anything, cos she wouldn't watch a film like that with no social message apparently - what is she 110 or what? So I got to thinking, am I just immature, or youthful, or is it actually the same thing? Maybe I spend so much time with younger people, I just have a young outlook or something. Jesus, shoot me please if I ever get so bloody blinkered and pedantic. But you know, sometimes I think it will happen if I stay here - maybe it's partly my job - yes the one that's so bloody boring. May eventually have to go for the sake of my life expectancy.

So rant over today - had some wickedly filthy texts yesterday, but getting a bit impatient now. Why did I do all this - cos I want to have an affair!!! And it's not happening!! Well, I guess we have that date in November, but it seems so far away. Maybe the doctor will call tonight - thursday is often his night. Hopeful. xxxxx

A quiet day

I'm having a quiet day. Well, I'm going to try anyway. Heard from the doc on friday - I haven't forgotten you - love him. He's back today and will get in touch most likely. Did talk to him for a while from spain - was lovely - we do sometimes get a bit too intense I feel, especially for people who have never met. But was nice. He took a lady out to dinner, but said she was really 'fucked up' - he's got such a way with words. Eastern European as well, but been living in Portugal. Also got approached by pros as he was on his own - but turned them down. That's a relief. Just couldn't quite cope with that I don't think. Such a lovely man.

The sailor has his mother staying - driving him bonkers. I asked him, doesn't she worry that you're so unhappy, or doesn't she really notice? I'm quite intrigued to hear what he says. If one of my kids were unhappy I think I'd notice, and I'd want it to stop!! So let's see. I'm hoping he might text or something as I'm home alone at the moment (football) - so could be naughty together. Maybe he's gone down the boat or something. Might post more later, but I'm really tired now, so going for a nap and some sweet dreams I hope. xxx

Plans for November!

Hey, first day of a new month! October already - and my adventures have now been going on for five months. Why did I sign up on that website on that day?? Well, my oh made me cry on my birthday - and then said something else that particular day that made me feel, well, pretty unappreciated. So here I am five months later, and well, I haven't actually had any sex, but lots of naughty cybersex, which is pretty amazing as it happens.

But the great thing is, we're now planning for the great day in November when me and my sailor will meet up for loads of sex of every shape and variety - yum, yum. And actually, it's not that long, is it? Been looking at underwear today - enjoyed that - and chasing up the camera in the interests of taking photos for my darling man. Cos I feel he's a bit fed up and needs cheering up - that might just do it. He wants to text tomorrow afternoon, but I might still be at the dentist - ugh!! So we'll see. But I have to say, it's just what I need. Thinking also of some pampering I might do, so I look my gorgeous best - some tanning sessions and some manicure and pedicure type things, you know - still trying to be french as well - found a great website, so will read that some more. Not sure she means what I mean though lol.

Still haven't heard from the doc either - but he does need that holiday. And now he can skype me when he's on call - and save his pennies. He's just such a lovely filthy man, but it's all on his terms, you know. Not sure it's really going anywhere, but do love talking to him. Maybe he'll call tonight. Better go and do some work in case he does call later. Might send him some photos too - but only the good ones - he does tend to say exactly what he thinks!! Take care, and be good xxxxxxx