Good and bad

Well a strange weekend - had hoped and expected to be getting shagged senseless, but of course, no such luck - wouldn't you know it, but honestly should be used to it by now, shouldn't I?? Well, you see the sailor had planned to get away on Saturday, but unfortunately as his daughter was away, his wife decided to come too - dammit. So had to weasle out of my 'I'm working' excuse in a hurry, and was rather nerve wracking. So, anyway, ended up going out for the day with oh and family, which was nice - maybe if I spend some quality time with him, he'll be less suspicious. Not that he SAYS he is, but he just seems to be sometimes, and I have lived with him a long time, so i do usually know.

Still, all is not lost, as sailor now has my mobile and sends regular messages - so sweet - and lots of really naughty emails. He told me he'd photographed his dick and did I want to see it - well of course I did - but I only have a phone type phone - may go shopping next week. However, not too sure about this photo thing - might be a bit clinical - but am veeeerrrrry curious!! He really wants to meet next week - but he thinks his oh is very suspicious for some reason - oh dear, could do without that. May just go to the big city and see if he turns up - really I don't want to waste any more time if this is not going to be worthwhile, you know. Yes, bugger it - will go shopping if he can't make it - that'll teach him!!

Otherwise, not feeling so good about the doctor. Saw he was online today and said hello - we hadn't spoken since the wonderful phone sex episode - and maybe I shouldn't have made the first move, but i did. Anyway, he seemed a bit off - and yes of course he had been feeling guilty. I can't help thinking he's not really cut out for this, you know. So tried to keep it light and friendly, but he just didn't seem to be quite there - says he'll phone tomorrow though - maybe I won't be around just to piss him off. After all he left me nearly a week - if it had been real sex i would have expected flowers and all sorts, but not speaking for a week - that's a bit cruel isn't it? Yes, I know he's busy and blah blah but for goodness sake. Maybe I'm too demanding, but I do think it's just good manners. Also, nosing around, saw he'd been on the site again, which made me feel so much better - although I do think he checks up on me sometimes - well tough shit cos I've hidden my profile. Maybe I should put it back up just to annoy him, and talk to some other guys. I do sometimes agree with the sailor, you know - he said that long distance relationships are too hard, and perhaps it would never really happen. I do think perhaps I should talk to a few more guys and keep my options open. I just got quite wounded by the whole business with lee, which perhaps I shouldn't have, as for goodness sake we only chatted for a while.

I do feel that I invest too much in these relationships before we meet, and in future, perhaps i should try for a meeting earlier - before we share all this naughty stuff - as it just gets too personal, and you don't really know if you'll get on, do you?

So essentially the situation is much the same and I'm still frustrated as hell. But hopeful about next week!! Even if feeling a bit off about my favourite man, the doctor. Maybe I just need to meet more men?

See you xxxx