Feeling Good!

You'll never guess why! It's probably not the whole story, but I've started sleeping on my own - a step backward you might think. But a good one perhaps. I feel so much better, it's like I've been suffering from sleep deprivation for the last year or something - my oh does not sleep well, and all the coughing caused by the resumed smoking doesn't help a bit. He sleeps a lot in the day too - usually an afternoon nap and an evening doze. Well I don't and I bloody well need to sleep. Of course, it also means I can mess about a bit, which does aid restful sleep I think you'll agree.

Now I'm considering whether I want to sleep with him just at weekends - and honestly, I'm thinking not. It's not like we have sex is it???? So what's the point? Did have a chat with my daughter today - said I can't see myself being here much longer. She's not surprised - she's not daft. I think she'd feel bad if she thought I was staying for her. It's not just that though - I am having to pluck up courage to an extent. And I know I'm going to be seen as the guilty party - although I was much encouraged by my friend's experience - her husband wanted all their friends to agree she'd been a bitch, and they all said, well you neglected her, what did you expect?? So I wonder if people are really as daft as you think always. Still, I know he'll try and say I'm this that and the other. Hey ho.

Really hoping to see my favourite man next week. Possibly thursday. He had some sort of work problem last week, and something with his daughter. Okay. He's a good man, actually. I know it. It's just been so long, and he promised it wouldn't be this time - and yes, I know I'm whingeing, but oh my goodness, four months!!! I don't know - the sensible part of me says, well he doesn't really care if he leaves it that long. The other part kind of thinks he's testing me in some way. God knows. Probably just means he's busy. Hope he does care, but not much I can do about it, is there? xxxx