Neglected!

Well, not a thing from the scottish guy! What a surprise? He's either full on or nothing - it's rather odd - but then I guess that's how it is in the infidelity game - you're always less important than their real lives aren't you? I like this ex-squaddie guy though - but then he does the same thing as well. Beastly. Haven't actually had a good look at either of them - their photos are terrible - but then they both look okay - I'm not auditioning for models or something, haha.

I'm also sitting on my hands so I don't reply to the bm for a day or two - it's hard. I just feel like I'm getting in well over my head here - and I have no idea if he'll ever feel more for me than just what it is - whatever that is. He did say at the beginning he didn't want to finish it with the girlfriend - he rang her when he was with me last time - it was hard. But then he'll talk so much about his plans and his family, and 'if and when we go public' - well, what can you think? I have to remind myself really that we've only spent a real short time together even though it's actually been about six months. What do I want? I guess I want him to say I've dumped the girlfriend - I want you in my life - who knows if that's likely or not - I suppose at the moment he's having his cake and eating it isn't he? Could I walk away - yes, I may have to one day for self preservation - but when we're together it feels so special - surely it can't be just me? I wonder if he's waiting for me to sort things out my end. But I do feel like I've been put into a little compartment that he doesn't think about too much, but which is rather convenient. God, I'm glad I'm seeing other guys or this would drive me potty you know - outwardly I'm all sophisticated and cool about it - but inside I feel about seventeen and just want him to love me. Dear.

Anyhow, I guess what I need is some other outlets isn't it? And work looks like it'll be really busy and aggravating for a few weeks now, so that should do it. I'm still wondering about the future - what should I do for the best - and when should I do it? I just long to be free really - but while my daughter's still here, it's hard and a bit more complicated. But I am free really, I just choose to stay for the present I guess - waiting and planning hmmmm xxxx