Grim!

Well, my friend who got caught by her husband has decided her marriage is over. She's not had a good week - been sleeping on her friend's sofa. Not seen her kids. Apparently they'd come close to this a couple of times before, which I had no idea about - I've not known her too long actually. Sad though I think when kids are involved - but perhaps even sadder to stay together for the kids.

I've made a new friend in the states - a very eloquent man who is in the same sexless marriage thing. He goes to escorts, and he's been telling me all about it. Very interesting. I guess all that is very expensive though, cos he's not doing it down an alleyway - and he says it's just brilliant. He reckons they enjoy it as much as he does - I'm honestly not convinced. But he's just great to talk to - very entertaining. He's made me think about my situation a bit. I either need one man a lot (well, we know who that is, don't we?) - or perhaps a lot of men a little. Cos this twice a year nonsense is not cutting the mustard really is it? Maybe I'll get back on the site, mmm? Thinking about it anyway - and someone closer to home would be amazing wouldn't it?

And no, I've not heard from him. Having done a bit of stalking like the sad case I am, I think both daughters are home at the moment, and the factory is shut - and I know there was a big family gathering planned for this week. So I guess he's busy. But can't he manage a bloody email once in a blue moon? Obviously not. More men I think - I'm turning into a crazy woman. Probably just need some decent sex actually. Got an offer from the oh this morning - but I just can't be bothered. He thinks if he grabs a tit that I'll feel like it. Well, in all honesty, it takes a lot more than that with a two month interval. Like trying to start a car after a cold spell - haha!! More men - mantra for the day xx

Fed Up!

I'm feeling a bit fed up to be honest - I've not heard from the bm yet, and I'm beginning to wonder what I've done. Maybe I should email him - no, maybe not. Can't bring myself to do that, but I've been sorely tempted I can tell you. In the meantime, I'm kind of internet stalking him in the hope of finding out what he's up to - not doing very well though, unfortunately.

Been nice chatting to the doc again - things very bad with his marriage, and I think he's appreciated having someone to talk to to be honest. Poor thing. Also, continue to chat to the printer, who is nice. The swimmer should be back soon too - lunch is promised, remember?

My friend today got caught having an 'affair' on the internet - she was so upset. I don't know that she was sleeping with him, but a fair bit of flirting I think - her husband read it all. How awful. Reminder to self never to teach husband how to use internet! Not really much chance here I think.

Anyhow, would so love to hear from him - but I don't think he'd just keep me hanging on for no reason - if it was over, he'd tell me. I think. I'm still wondering about this flat he bought too - why couldn't we meet there? How nice that would be, wouldn't it? And he did say we'd go away and go out somewhere - wow - haven't been out since that first meeting have we? And that was pretty nice wasn't it? You see what it does to me? I'm a crazy woman! Grrrr - need sex - now!! xxx

Too tired!

I'm so fed up with working all the time - and not having any sex. I think some planning is definitely in order here. I'm thinking I shall see the golfer in october, but I need to see the bm before that. He's still not back, not sure how long he was going for, but this saturday will be a fortnight - so maybe then? I'm also wondering about meeting up with the squaddie - hmmm? And of course, the swimmer might be about, as he's actually leaving her. Would travel to see him though - definitely - would be just great, and I absolutely know he's no strings - love him lots xxx he's so special.

I might even meet up with the security guy as well, even though he's in love with this lady in the states - wouldn't it be nice to be the one to convince him he doesn't have ed, and then send him on his way - got to be done I think. I'm like the tart with a heart, aren't I? Doing good deeds for frustrated men. Haha.

Anyhow, the upshot is I need some things to look forward to. Not sure spain is going to come off either, and I had great hopes for that - and also for disappearing off the radar for a few days, haha. Might have to have a plan B. Work is just overwhelming at the moment, but not for much longer. And I have a day off next week for a big event! A dressed up type event. Lovely - and lots of hot men around, yum. Just about bearable hehe xxx

My fave doc

My favourite doctor is back - why did we fall out - neither of us is sure. I was sure he was angry with me, and too stubborn to get in touch. He did the same. Stupid. Anyhow, has sure cheered me up while I wait for the return of my favourite guy. Who I thought would be back by now, grrrrr.

Also chatted with the squaddie last night - he's nice but perhaps not really my type. What is my type though? Anyone who can get it up, haha. No, I'm not that choosy. But I do like a smart guy who makes me laugh. I don't know, I really do think brains and wit are way better than looks. Shame I found a guy with the whole package though, eh? I'm mincemeat xxx

Photos!

Well, I've been practising my photography skills again - which honestly are non-existent! But the feedback is so nice - I've got to admit, I even think my boobs look pretty hot on camera - and my lovely security guard friend thinks so too. He did say he'd like some open legged shots though - now, how the hell do I do that? I like him so much - he's actually in love with a lady in the states, and he knows about me and my bm. So we talk about everything, and it's so nice. I said why couldn't we do naughty things and stay friends - me and the golfer do - why the hell not? You know, it's been so nice to see his confidence grow. He was a broken man thanks to his horrid wife - she used to tease him about not getting it up in front of her friends - nice. She actually gave him a wank in the spring - but kind of ruined it by saying 'hurry up!' What a cow.

No, it's so good, I can hear he feels like a man again from what he says - and guess what, no erection issues when it's not the wife! Would be so nice to get together with him and kind of finish what I started - I don't want it to be an issue with this other lady though - she doesn't have to know I guess - but I know he wants more with her. He's actually not too far away, so he might come down for a visit - wouldn't that be nice?

You know, I actually had some sex at home today - with the oh! Well, it wasn't bad - but there's always that horrible thing in the back of your mind - this is it, for approximately eight weeks. Yes, that's the pattern he's settled into. Horribly depressing isn't it? So that's six times a year, which is officially a sexless marriage. So I'm not imagining it. I have more sex with other people by far than my husband! Madness. Who would have thought a good girl like me would be doing all this - but don't imagine I have any regrets - far from it! A bit miffed I waited so long perhaps.

And the bm should be home this week - and hopefully wanting to meet up soon, I hope! I know the factory closes down for a holiday soon, so he might be a bit more available - but then I guess the daughters are around. He promised it wouldn't be so long this time though - he also promised some outdoor in the warm weather mmmmm xxxx

So many men!

Well, I had yet another man making serious suggestions to me today - what is it? Something in the water or what? To be honest, I said it was a bit ridiculous cos he's in the states - but let's be friends anyhow - ok he said. But he was really serious. I seem to be beating them off with a stick. He said he was surprised I wasn't shocked by his blog - well, it was fairly tame to be honest. But I think a lot of women are easily shocked. A friend of mine's mate is seriously trying to find a new man on the internet and she says some of what people say to her is 'disgusting'. Well, that's never happened to me - obviously it's my disgustingness threshold. And the funny thing is, she used to go in for wife swapping when she was married. I think she's yet another man hater in disguise really - or non sexual person or something.

You know, I read something interesting today. Do men cheat on their wives cos they won't give them blow jobs? Mmmm interesting I thought. A lot of people agreed - and I think I do too. You know, my main guy was so happy when I did it to him I thought he'd burst - and my other guy just loves it too. Now, why wouldn't you do that for someone you love? Same reason I guess my oh won't let me do it - cos they just don't want sex! It's odd isn't it? But maybe explains all the attention I get - wow, a woman who actually likes sex!! Are we that rare - don't think so - but maybe we are? xxx

Shattered!

I'm so tired - work has been an absolute nightmare this week - that's what you get for being a teacher, isn't it? And the oh was getting a bit fruity in the night, so I guess I'll have to bite the bullet and do the dirty deed sometime soon - first time since may - he's spoiling me! Can't imagine why I play around, can you? Too tired to even think about it at the moment though.

Computer failure means I've been offline for a couple of days - must be more careful with opening stupid things I think! But I've not missed too much, which is good. Bm due back tomorrow I think - would love to see him soon - even with the stupidly busy work situation at present, I'd still find time. Got a payrise though, so it's all good.

You know, I got home tonight, so tired and everything - the oh was asleep on the sofa - what you been doing? Nothing. Then all he can talk about is the bloody dog - would be nice if he talked to me once in a while wouldn't it? I guess he's out of the habit - he only seems to talk to people in the pub - well, I guess that's what he does. Still think I'll be off soon - just a question of when, not if I feel. Going to be horrible though isn't it? Is there an easy way to do this? Maybe not. Anyhow, looking forward to some communications over the weekend - perhaps from the printer tonight - I like him - definitely possible, but not like my bm I think xxxx

Hurrah for him!

Such good news - the swimmer is leaving his wife - now you may think I'm a horrid witch saying this, but believe me I know the mind games she's been playing with him and it's all good. He needs to get out. Really. He's heading off to france to sort himself out a bit, but he's not going back - got himself a job with a cottage thrown in - hurrah!! I'm so happy for him - he's such a good friend, and I really do love him loads. He's also going to be nearer to me - so we can meet up - wow! Wonder what we'll do to pass the time? Such a good friend - another one who doesn't do jealous - just a wonderful man - I'm so lucky.

Also heard from the golfer, and we're meeting up in October for sure - lovely. But he has a dilemma - he wants to meet another lady closer to home, perhaps with her own place. But you know, he's not a good looking man, even though he's fantastic in bed, so he tends to fall at the first hurdle. I did offer to give him a reference! Don't know how that'd work though. But we can't work out the best way for him to meet someone - it's hard isn't it? Any ideas??

Still exchanging all sorts of mucky stuff with the printer too - I like him. And he's not far away either. Promising. But the big news I guess is the bm is home in a couple of days - hope he gets in touch and can't wait to see me - ideal case scenario. Mmmmm - would be nice wouldn't it? Might be wishful thinking - but I live in hope - and I need a damned good seeing to xxxx

Limbo

I'm in a strange place at the moment - kind of like limbo. I'm working soooo hard it's ridiculous, but all my extra-curricular seems to be on hold at the moment. Strange isn't it? The bm is in california, so I guess he's with the girlfriend (curse, spit!). The randy scotsman has disappeared completely - I did think he had possibilities too - never mind.

I had a lovely note from the golfer however, who says he's looking for another lady nearer home as well as me - I'm totally fine with this, so don't think I'm not! I told him all about the bm too - he's very intrigued. He said he'll only sleep with someone else if they're as gorgeous as me - aaaah! Remember the swimmer? He seems to be just about to leave his wife - but has disappeared off the website at the moment - bit concerned - but I think he's ok. He's such a good friend - and I know he's off on holiday.

I also talk to a really nice security guard - now he's met the love of his life he thinks in the states - but we're good friends and might give it a go sometime - he's so sweet. It's been so amazing to see his confidence return - you wouldn't believe how much his wife had squashed it out of him. What a terrible thing it was!

And I did email the bm - but I did wait two days - no reply yet. Do you think he does it on purpose? Not sure. I never really know if I'll ever hear from him again - it's mad isn't it? Also chatting to my squaddie, who is so sweet - might meet up with him you know.

This all makes me think just how much naughty fun I could have if I lived alone - all the men out there, it's mad, isn't it? Thinking seriously about doing so you know - but I guess it'll take more than thinking won't it?? xxxx

Neglected!

Well, not a thing from the scottish guy! What a surprise? He's either full on or nothing - it's rather odd - but then I guess that's how it is in the infidelity game - you're always less important than their real lives aren't you? I like this ex-squaddie guy though - but then he does the same thing as well. Beastly. Haven't actually had a good look at either of them - their photos are terrible - but then they both look okay - I'm not auditioning for models or something, haha.

I'm also sitting on my hands so I don't reply to the bm for a day or two - it's hard. I just feel like I'm getting in well over my head here - and I have no idea if he'll ever feel more for me than just what it is - whatever that is. He did say at the beginning he didn't want to finish it with the girlfriend - he rang her when he was with me last time - it was hard. But then he'll talk so much about his plans and his family, and 'if and when we go public' - well, what can you think? I have to remind myself really that we've only spent a real short time together even though it's actually been about six months. What do I want? I guess I want him to say I've dumped the girlfriend - I want you in my life - who knows if that's likely or not - I suppose at the moment he's having his cake and eating it isn't he? Could I walk away - yes, I may have to one day for self preservation - but when we're together it feels so special - surely it can't be just me? I wonder if he's waiting for me to sort things out my end. But I do feel like I've been put into a little compartment that he doesn't think about too much, but which is rather convenient. God, I'm glad I'm seeing other guys or this would drive me potty you know - outwardly I'm all sophisticated and cool about it - but inside I feel about seventeen and just want him to love me. Dear.

Anyhow, I guess what I need is some other outlets isn't it? And work looks like it'll be really busy and aggravating for a few weeks now, so that should do it. I'm still wondering about the future - what should I do for the best - and when should I do it? I just long to be free really - but while my daughter's still here, it's hard and a bit more complicated. But I am free really, I just choose to stay for the present I guess - waiting and planning hmmmm xxxx

Messages and phone sex!

Came home to find a message from the bm - which was nice if a little bit overdue. So I think I'll leave it for a day or two before replying. Let him think I'm busy or maybe pissed off - don't care which. Also a bit peeved he's off to california - I expect he's taking the stupid foreign girlfriend - ah phooey. So I got busy this afternoon having some phone sex with the ex-squaddie - very nice. Obviously been extremely neglected for a long time, and I had a free afternoon.

Also hope to have some more fun with the scottish person tomorrow - would be a nice restful saturday wouldn't it? I do need to send him some more photos soon. Bloody cameras - not my forte actually.

Also rang the sailor today, but he was very busy - and very sorry. I'm still so fond of him you know - such a sweet man. Maybe one day he'll actually get away for a few hours. But at the moment, I'm hoping another meet with the bm soon - or I may have to go to london to the scottish person - what a randy devil he is! xxxx

Almost not tired!

Well, I'm still very tired, but I was in zombie zone on monday, so things have definitely improved! I haven't heard from the bm, but I'm determined to play it cool, so he can contact me. He is always busy and stuff, but it does get me a bit ticked off he can't even manage an email. And I'm pretty sure I left my sunglasses there. My oh keeps looking for them - oh dear. Will have to think of something pretty good if I get them back.

So, not one to mope about over a man, as you know, I have been keeping busy. Got a really funny note from the scottish guy - don't you care about me, I've been having to wank all on my own, haha! Love it. Seriously may go and see him - he's so naughty - might be just what I need mightn't it? Also heard from the golfer, who is worried he might lose his touch if he doesn't have more sex. I said, hey keep looking but don't worry too much hunni - he's like a god in the sack, honestly. And blessed - wow!

I've also been having rather naughty conversations for a long time with an ex squaddie guy from near here. Well, he rang me up and we had I guess phone sex. Was rather good actually. Quite promising - and he doesn't live far. Don't know that much about him, but he likes me a lot! He does seem to talk to an awful lot of women on the internet though - yes, I know, I'm a hypocrite - but I don't like them to have too many women - I can do what I want, haha! So long as no one finds out.

You know, I was imagining I was being investigated by the police - what fun they'd have following me about, wouldn't they? Oh, and by the way, I'm going on a real course on sunday (for once) - so will have to think of some more excuses. I reckon I could use it for going to london though, don't you? And probably more than once at that - especially for exam stuff - I'm so bad xxx