Depression!

I've been thinking very hard still - and I'm still trying to make sense of everything - and I reckon I was still be trying to do so a long time in the future. Cos, actually it all makes no sense at all does it? No. Well this week my H went away for a couple of days - doing a friend a favour. One, I resented it a bit, cos I never go anywhere. Two, I was pleased to have some time on my own. But, I didn't actually expect how good it was going to be - I was so happy to come home when he wasn't here. Me and my D could eat dinner together and chat and watch what we wanted on the tv. It was quite exhilarating. But my god, it made me think. Cos I could feel my heart sink when he walked back in the door. And when it became obvious the first place he'd been had been the pub I thought, oh typical - but I didn't care. I used to, now no.

I told my girls the doctor had offered me antidepressants - they were quite shocked. Didn't go into why, but they have some idea I think. Obviously that's not what I need though is it?

Also had a couple of days without speaking to my american - and my goodness I missed him. And when he came online last night, the joy I felt was just ridiculous - can you fall in love online? My instinct is to say no, but something is definitely happening, and it's not happened with anyone else. Bloody typical I go and pick someone on another continent isn't it? Still, it's not like the H can ever travel there, so might make a lot of sense - not that he'd ever leave the beloved pub for long would he? xxxx