A bit of a crisis

I had a bit of a funny moment early this weekend. Something of the 'what the hell am I doing?' variety. Weird, I didn't see that coming - I just felt awful. I started thinking about how everything would look if people were talking about me - why, because we'd been gossiping - always a bad idea. So, of course, I wrote to the swimmer, and he is so wise. He said you're on a journey, nothing you do is wrong - what other people think isn't important. I said what about you and me, I don't want you to feel bad. He said, we're sharing the journey for a while. He's right I think. This isn't something you can try and categorise.

And I'm talking to several guys online, but I'm not sleeping with all of them, so what the hell. I told one guy I was seeing someone else - he said won't he be upset if we talk. I said, until he loves me and puts a ring on my finger, I'm a free agent. And I really feel that now. If my other half had done that I might feel differently, but he didn't. So.

And....... heard from the bm. Week after next for another night of bliss. If he asked I'd be gone - ring on finger, the whole kit and caboodle. I would. So I honestly think my other guys are my safety valve. Not the swimmer though - will always adore him. Unconditional love - that's it. I'm so lucky, what lovely men. xxxx