Frustrations!!

Well my lovelies, it all went wrong this week. I was supposed to be spending all day Saturday having fabulous naked naughtiness, but then the snow came. Well, I possibly could have got there, but then getting home at all was in serious doubt. Very annoying indeed. Still, maybe next week, or at least soon? Hope so. It'll be nice when I don't have to cover my tracks so much won't it?

It's really looking very good for me - financially I reckon I can do it. The practicalities are worrying me a bit, but the more organised I get, the easier it will be I think. It's just stuff, that's what I keep telling myself - nothing compared to my freedom. I know I can get the house sold quick too, and have some money to do some things with, as well as a deposit for the future I think. I actually can't wait. Every day I get more irritated at the way I'm treated here - I've had it, really I have.

And of course, there's all the possibilities I will have for meeting my lovely men isn't there? I'm so hoping the bm will call. It's about the right timing for him. I'm not counting on anything as you know, but I really do feel we could move onto another level you know, very easily. I don't want to spook him, because he just got out of one relationship, but if it's right, it's right, isn't it? But fear not, several other prospects on the horizon - an American who wants to come and see me in March, oh, yes I think so, don't you?? Plus, the lovely swimmer who wants me to go to France with him in the summer - boy, that's something to look forward to, isn't it? xxxx

I've been saving like I've never saved before. Didn't know I had it in me!! Well there we are. Flat deposit is in the bag if I carry on like this. Just need the motivation I guess. Also scouring the place for more things I can sell to add to it. The debts and stuff are much better now as well, so perhaps I could even get a loan. Who knows.

A nice surprise from the golfer - come on saturday, oh ok then. xx A little bit concerned about the weather, but what the hell. So at least I won't be completely frustrated, yum.

Still waiting to hear - I'll be in touch!! grrrr Still, it's what he does, isn't it? I really wouldn't be surprised to get one of those urgent type messages again sometime soon.

Spoke to middle daughter - told her I'm going. But the upside is I want to move nearer her, so that might be really good mightn't it? Oh is going to see her tomorrow, so I've sent her a message to not say anything, or try to 'help' - please? It could get really bad if he know - snowstorming is the way to go, I know it.

Anyhow, hoping for a call.....x

Baby Steps

The plan is coming together very well. Finances are my chief stumbling block, but that does seem to be sorting itself out amazingly well - much to my surprise I must say.

Also had a kind of cryptic conversation with youngest daughter. She knows what's going off. It'll be fine. Difficult, as I don't want to lay it all on her shoulders, but she has to have some idea - and yes, she does. Wonder what else she knows? Caught me talking to the bm on msn once! Actually saw his name - omg! Has she told the others I wonder??

Well, a plan afoot to see the golfer. Yum. I didn't think I'd have much work next week, but suddenly turns out I have lots, so may have to do the weekend instead. It's so worth it though. He is reliably lovely.

My American is deadly serious about coming over as well. Wow. He's coming with his friend - and do I know anyone I can fix him up with? Goodness, no idea. And obviously not about to divulge my secret life to all and sundry - or even my best friend! How do you go about that - hey, want to have some sex with a sex-starved married yank? No, never met him. Can't see it going over too well, can you?

Other good news is the bitch from work has gone for a whole month - and is becoming very unpopular with the powers that be. Isn't that nice? It's just karma at work isn't it? Always worth the wait, in my opinion. Things could get real nasty for her then couldn't they if it works as it should! xxxx

Change?

Well, I feel change is in the air - I have decided I am absolutely leaving this wash-out of a marriage. Time scale - loose, but by the spring. And taking a friend's advice and pretending all is well until the escape is planned and in operation. Of course that will give me the chance to be incredibly naughty and do what I want as well, which just sounds excellent, doesn't it? Time to live a little!

Intriguingly, some of my guys seem to be cracking into action as well. The sailor wants to actually meet! Well, there's a thought. And so does the lovely squaddie - that's got to be done too, even if it's just to see that lovely cock for real. And the best, my american guy is getting a trip together to London. How great would that be?? Blissful I think.

Well, not heard from him again, on a more downbeat note. This is becoming the norm isn't it? And annoyingly, he is the one I care about the most. As you know. What did he say? I'll be in touch - is that the most aggravating phrase in the english language? Probably xxx

Busy Day!

Well, I sent a naughty photo to the sailor late last night and was rewarded with an early morning horny message. Lovely start to the day. Sent one to the squaddie too last night and he kept me awake with filthy texts telling me what he wanted to do to me. Quite fun he works a night shift, but I'm missing my beauty sleep. Mind you, he does get me excessively horny, so what can I do?

I chatted to that new guy today. He's being a perfect gentleman at the moment, but he does sound really nice. He lives near my brother - that opens up some possibilities doesn't it? Not that I think my brother would let me shag a guy in his house, but it would give me an excuse wouldn't it? I guess I don't have to shag everyone I make friends with though, maybe I shouldn't jump the gun.

I talked to my favourite swimmer today too - things are going well for him and he's making lots of money. Well, money may be filthy, but it's freedom and independence too, so more power to him I say. He's been doing some legal stuff to get free too - sounds good doesn't it?

But where is the most frustrating man in the world you ask? I'll be in touch. Hmmm But then he always turns up when I least expect him doesn't he? And don't forget, he's free now. xxxxx

Optimism

I feel so much better today. Just making plans and looking forward can do that I think. Made a new friend today - a guy in the same situation as me - sounds really nice actually. Can I juggle another one - oh yes, I think so. Just imagine how much fun I can have living alone and shooting off to see my guys as and when the opportunity arises - probably not much different to now really, just a bit less lying involved I guess.

Also had an uplifting bus journey - a lovely photo from the sailor - with a ruler for perspective. Boy, is his confidence growing, along with that lovely thing of his. It's rather tantalising really, cos we haven't managed to get together yet and I so want to get my mitts on it. I'm being so good - I deserve it, don't I?? Please??? xx

A Better Day!

Bit of a grim day yesterday in many ways. Made better by a lovely chat with my favourite doc. Yes, still. I know. But he's left his wife now - is this becoming something of a theme with my guys or what? He still wants to meet up, and you know I'm thinking why the hell not?? So I might - not sure how or when though, it might take a bit of arranging methinks, but then if I'm a free agent, it would be easy wouldn't it?

Been looking at flats tonight - and thinking nice thoughts.

Also a nice chat with the sailor this afternoon. The old favourites are hanging in there aren't they? And I'm seriously expecting some nice smutty texts in the middle of the night from my fave ex-squaddie - who is seriously stacked I might say! And yes, I have kept that photo, lol!! Why not?

Work is a bit of a bore this week, but needs must. Might skive off and go to see the golfer for the day soon - yes, I do want to! Might actually have some money next week, so some clothes shopping I think to balance out the mass clear out in effect at the moment. You know, you'd think he'd have some idea, wouldn't you? Especially as I told him. What can you do. xx

Sunday again!

Well it is indeed Sunday again, which is actually one of my most-loathed days. Shouldn't be, should it - day of rest and all that? But the general way of things on a Sunday is that I'm on my own most of the time. Oh gets up and ignores me all morning, cos reading the paper is so important. Then goes to the pub. When he comes back, he eats and falls asleep. So I'm alone most of the day in fact. Can't imagine why I want to leave, can you?

Anyhow, I've been writing a lot today, which is nice. And also had a nice chat with my guy in the states. He's so smart and easy to talk to. He doesn't seem to mind me talking about my home situation a bit either and is a good sounding board actually. And a lot of fun too. He writes me lovely naughty stories, and I do for him too - they're rather wonderful, hope we get to try them out one day.

But it also sets me thinking as well. I seem to be developing a type - and he's very clever, professional and smart. Not really what I would have imagined from who I live with (not to put to fine a point). But they seem to like me too, more to the point - and what a boost that is, isn't it?

Anyhow, I've been seriously thinking about moving out today - and the thought is actually rather exciting. I'm not quite there financially, but moving towards it. I do wonder about asking for help from somewhere - I mean, people do this all the time, don't they? How hard can it be? Some more research I think.

Hoping to hear from my favourite guy this week (yes, I know - as always!). But I know he had to go abroad and things, so I reckon he might be back now. Wouldn't that be nice? xxxx

Pondering?

I'm feeling very ponderous today - is it the weather closing in or just the shit state of my home life? Not sure, probably both. Anyhow, I'm haven't seriously blogged too much for a while, so will catch up with things a little bit. I'm still at home with my oh and my daughter, but I've now moved into the spare bedroom, which actually is quite lovely: I can mess around all night with the guy who works in a hotel and sends me filthy texts at three in the morning. It actually disturbs my sleep a lot less than the oh coughing and getting up to pee fifty times a night, and a whole lot more welcome. Of course, if I get really wound up, I can sort myself out too, which is really nice as well.

Of course the sex life here is now dead and buried - and I think honestly the relationship is too. I'm kind of waiting and planning and getting things sorted. Now you'll remember I did tell him I wanted to go in a deadly serious, let's be adults sort of way. Since then as you might imagine, he has totally ignored the fact, and wouldn't you know it, not made any effort at all on the home front - well I haven't noticed if he has.

Of course, like an idiot, I've been trying not to do the so-called annoying things that he couldn't stand. Like talking about work, and so forth, and being boring. Funny isn't it, how my guys don't think I'm boring at all, but then I suppose they do want to get in my knickers don't they?

So I've been sorting out finances, and tidying up things around the house and so forth. I seriously want to sell up and be gone next year. I'm so hoping my daughter will be gone, but I'm not sure if she will. It would be so much easier wouldn't it? I just keep imagining how great it will be to live on my own. You know, he jokingly calls me his carer - but that's actually what I feel like - and I guess partly why I'm so nervous of going - how on earth will he survive??? But this is my life, what can I do?

The other thing on my mind a lot is my lovely bm. Of course, I've not heard from him since the yummy evening together, but that's okay. But it's changed the whole game somewhat now he's not with the girlfriend any more (with the stupid foreign name, haha). Mind you, should be a lot easier to see each other too. It just makes me a bit uneasy he doesn't want to see me for quite so long I guess. I suppose I shouldn't be so cranky and what will be will be. Trouble is, I do really like him - really.

But I'm still keeping busy with various other guys, which is still fun, and keeps me from obsessing too, which can only be good can't it? I've still only managed to sleep with three, so I'll give myself a mark of 'could do better' I think. Maybe I should add a couple more soon - I think it's time I went on another course or something don't you? And got shagged rotten as well.

I have this amazing guy in the states, who wants to come over and spend a few days in London - how great would that be? We're very much on the same wavelength and he's just lovely. Married of course. He told me though that sex with his wife had been the same for over twenty years - lube up and get it over with - ugh! He's like me, he sees some other women too - and tells me all about it, lol!!

Anyhow, a long post, but I feel I needed to catch up a little. I'll fill you in on some of my other guys as it comes up. In the meantime, I'm going to go and do some writing - I'm hoping to get published soon, but it actually needs to be finished, doesn't it? Hey ho xxxx